Feeling used, feeling guilty

My GD (18) is currently living with me, having had a major disagreement with her mother (my DD).
It's working well, as long as we both remember to keep her bedroom door closed!
When the room is neat n tidy she invites me in to see it!
She's pretty good at helping around the house, shopping and cooking so no complaints there.
The hardest part is acting as mediator between the 2 of them and I have declared that I will no longer pass on messages and bits of information!
She is looking for a flat but we feel she's a bit young.

ContraryMary.....unfortunately, my GC are lazy little so and sos ......they will do things for me, if asked, but otherwise are happy to spend all day and night on their phones. ?

Haha....I wondered too what Milly's post was doing in this thread. I think a new thread about loved pets would be more appropriate.
Back to the 2 teenageage GCs. We went to their little cousin's 3rd bday party yesterday . They were the only teenagers there and were pretty bored, I think. On the whole, I feel they can't wait to be back in their own house, their own environment, esp my GD. GS played golf almost daily so that was ok. Today they are going to their other GPs house and will stay till my daughter gets back.
She hasn't rung or texted them....just once, to me. Out of sight, out of mind, that's my daughter. Haha

When my Gds were that age they loved to come and stay for a couple of days during the holidays and we loved to have them but we were never asked for childcare - they live 2+ hours away and although their dad travelled abroad a lot and mum works part time they seemed to manage between themselves. Both girls are very sensible and were ok on their own although I'm sure they wouldn't have been left alone for more than a day.

I think it was quite right for you to say you are finding it harder to look after them due to age and health - you have obviously been their favourite nan all this time so I doubt this would change with a refusal. It sounds like the original situation may have been resolved now but perhaps having a phone call in the future may be better than texting.

crazyh I think it’s lovely that your GCs still want to come and stay with you, they obviously love you to bits.

My neighbours health is now pretty bad. Her GGS has now started working locally and he has moved in with her, he is paying rent and he will be there if she ever needs help (which she often does) they have always been very close, he also preferred to stay with her rather than his other Grandparents.
She loves having him there and has started baking and cooking again, it’s given her a new lease of life.
You never know, you could end up with a lodger to help you out too!

Perhaps Admin could advise Milly how to do it. I wish there was a way to pick up errant posts and re-thread them!

milly12 what’s this got to do with the OP?
Might be best to start a new thread

Perhaps the cataracts can be removed? She may be old but if her health and heart are good she should stand an operation. Is she insured?

(There’s a lady near us who has a little dog which rides very happily in a broad based shopping trolley.)

When my old, deaf dog went blind I put a tiny spot of lavender oil on doorways to help her find her way around. I also (promise not to laugh) bought a dog buggy for her. I used to push her to the same spot every day in the park, and let her get out and have a sniff around. It was all about the smells.

Oh and I bought a harness so she could feel more connected to me on these sensory ambles. Sixteen is a good age. Well done on keeping her so healthy,

I have a much loved jack Russell dog who has shared my life for 16 years. Until fairly recently her health has been very good but now cataracts have caused her to lose her sight- her hearing is not good either. She still loves her food and loves cuddles but is reluctant to go on walks and is clearly distressed by lack of vision. I worry that her quality of life has diminished but the vet says she is very healthy for a dog her age. Any advice?

Thanks all...you're right MargaretX, the children like to stay here because I am not as strict as the other grandparents. Actually, I take the easy option.
My problem is how to say "No" especially to the grandkids, when they choose to stay here, they say "firstchoice our own house, second Nan's (that's me), joint third Gran's and Dad's. How sad that due to circumstances, they have to keep moving from one house to another. I wish I could go and stay there when my daughter is away, but I like my own bed... and as I said earlier, my health is not 100%.
Thanks for the flowers Madgran......we really shouldn't love so much...

Wise decision Crazy H re treading carefully! Maybe dad is doing what he feels he can manage (Golf!) ...its not necessarily a fair balance but that really is between them. If your daughter is happy for you to make arrangements with the other grandparents (a bit surprising leaving I to you?) but at least it means that you can mutually take some control over sharing the load with them , helping your problem of struggling with to much childcare. I hope you and your daughter can discuss over time.

Update:...my daughter has just picked my granddaughter up....Grandson went yesterday to Scotland for the Golf open with his father and is back at home. Granddaughter had a few hours today with her other grandma, had lunch with her.
The long French Trip is looming. My daughter has left it to me to sort out with her ex mother inlaw. I really don't know what's going on and I don't want to know. They are good grandparents who adore the kids. Anyway, between us, the kids should be fine. My problem is, what parenting is their Dad doing.
Anyway, as someone mentioned here, I am not going to say anything , lest I lose them altogether....whether I am being used or not.
Also, I think she has a boyfriend. Poor girl, she has been hurt so much ( history repeating itself...her father did the same to me)
Sorry for rambling....must be the heat ?

Maybe she feels that you personally are the best person to look after her children. I'm sure she'd be surprised to hear you feel this way. Do be careful how you approach the subject, you could end up never seeing them.

Recent research has shown that this generation of students drink far less and are less likely to take drugs than the generation before them and the fees of £9,000 a year have focussed minds on making sure the degree they get is worth the money.

Not all GC 'go off to uni'. It's an excuse to drink to excess and act irresponsibly, often in the pursuit of degrees of litte value.

Of course not everybody goes to Uni but I dont think sweeping generalisations help any body.

I completely disagree with agnurse and you came across as very disrespectful. Crazyh has every right to send a text and her daughter is taking absolute liberties. As this is her ex sil she is entitled to her opinion. Some people are very judgemental.

It sounds as if she needs to make up with the other GPs. They probably don’t want to lose touch with their DGC either. And what if something should happen to you? Flu, or something to prevent you having them at the last minute. Does she have a fall back plan

You absolutely should not see them if you dont want to.
But why comment on the dad. Hes a rubbish parent its clear but what can she do about it?
Shes a single mother trying to support her children while her ex does nothing. Its hard.

Re: communication in this day and age, texts are used by the younger generations much more than are phone conversations. I'm quite sure that texting your message to DD was not wrong to do. In the eyes of her generation, it was a very natural and fast method of communicating something important as quickly as possible. I doubt that DD will withhold your grandchildren from you, for that would be cutting her nose off to spite her face. She needs you for many other times/situations besides this trip overseas. And why couldn't she have ASKED you if you would be up to doing this enormous favor???? She knows how old you are and what your health situation is. It's one thing to pitch in when there is an emergency. It's another to be expected to pitch in when it's just for DD's fun, such as going on an overseas vacation. She can hire a babysitter for a week through an agency if her ex won't step up to the plate and the other grands are "too busy". You need to take care of your own mental health as well as your physical health. Just my two cents.........:-)

I would love to have GDS (14) and DGD (almost 16) to stay. Both are quite self-sufficient and are capable of cooking a good meal - even clearing it up as long as there's a dishwasher! They have a few hours a week working in a chippy, but for the next few weeks will be at Army Cadet summer camp. I know teenagers do vary, but I'm happy about these two. Other GS, who is almost 13, might be another matter!

Could it be that it is the children who are pressuring their mother to let them come to stay with you rather than with their Dad or his parents. It can't be that they have no opinion on the matter.
Actually they don't a lot of looking after at that age. They should be able to look after themselves for a week.And get themselves to school and do their homework.

You have only to watch the news to see what children that age are able to do.

Tell your daughter to leave them and you keep in touch with them. You all have your mobiles.

Well said Oopsadaisy53. My daughter has a nursing degree and her partner is a paediatrician. Both work hospital shifts and with a 2yr old and 4yr old struggle with child care. Even with nursery and preschool they can need before and after care. My daughter works 0700-1930 or 1900-0730! My ex and I do as much as we can but at 71 on my own I find it exhausting! I do see their shifts a month in advance so can say if something will be difficult. It is however precious time with my little ones and it is appreciated. I do spend more time on my own with the children than I do with them as a family which I sometimes find hard.

Yes she’s asssuming you will pick up pieces at last minute, and no she shouldn’t. But you do need a face to face talk. I wish I had had a mum to do as much as you did. She needs to understand that.

Daisy I have to agree. That was rather a sweeping statement from GG!!