Grandson's absent father

It does no harm to be aware of possible pitfalls GagaJo it does seem odd that the father has suddenly become interested in his son.
It's difficult as you would not want to deny him contact with his son, is he named as the father on your grandson's birth certificate ?

Its her child her decision I'm afraid .you need to step back an dlet her make her own choice.Be in the background for her in case theres a problem but dont attempt to interfere .She wont thank you for it and you'll come out worse off.I hope it works out well ,the wee one should have contact with his dad

I would be wary.....one 'Skype' and then what? Disappear for another 17months ? If there is to be contact, I hope it's going to be regular, for the sake of the little one.

I do understand he needs contact. Obviously he's not bothered now, but he will be as soon as he's old enough to be aware.

I haven't said much on this occasion. She knows how I feel. No need to keep going over it.

But I looked at him in the bath last night and... logic and rationality went out the window!

If you are talking about going to a Muslim country with the boy then I expect you know that the father will have legal custody of any children at about age 6 years old.

No, not Muslim. But dual nationality children are not returned to the uk from this country.

A difficult situation, and I would be concerned by the sudden interest the father has shown in his son; I would suspect an ulterior motive. I take it that he is not married to your daughter.
All you can do is find facts concerning the legal rights of the father towards his son in his country, avoid going back there for work, and advise your daughter as sensitively as possible to be very much on her guard.

I know. I'd thought that not returning would be for the best. Trouble is, I need to earn a lot in my last few working years so I can give up teaching at 60, and all my contacts for work are there.

If the child has dual nationality is there any possibility of changing this to British before you go back? If not I think you are right to be very wary and you might want to take legal advice before you go back. There is an organisatin who deal with this www.reunite.org

Perhaps you and your daughter could go together and ask Citizens Advice. They will perhaps tell you whether or not you need to take action now or even whether you need to consult a Solicitor.

I suppose, if your daughter doesn't think there's a problem, you are a bit stuck because you can't go against her.

Sounds like your daughter may actually be hoping for a rekindling of a relationship with this man? She may deny it but ask her what her reasons are for wanting a 17 month old, who can't agree to it to be skyped. Actually doubt he would be able to speak so is it that your daughter wants to speak to his father?

She may say, she believes her child should know his father which I agree with but unless he is in this country and able to visit I don't see the point of Skype involving such a young child. No, it has to be for her benefit I would think?

He did ask her to marry him, when she found out she was pregnant. But it was more out of a sense of obligation and a way to get the baby 'his papers'. She wouldn't, because of that.

I'm not always sure of her motivations. We're very different. I like a quiet life. She's up for the drama.

If you returned to the other country, why would your daughter need to go as well?

You need to let your daughter make the choices for her child. Of course you will have your feelings and worries, but it’s truly not your place unless she asks. Even then I would be very guarded on what I said

Gets stranger! So your daughter is wise enough to know not to marry him? What country does he live in? Turkey?

From what you have indicated about your daughter, no wonder you are worried! To recap...she knows her baby's father is looking for citizenship through his son? OR She knows he is from a country that gives fathers' perogative over children? She is smart enough not to marry him or follow him there.

Hold your breath and hope she continues to be smart!

I very much doubt he will actually snatch the baby ...unless she travels to wherever he is to meet up with him. Pray that she isn't that stupid?

Hopefully she will want to let him know what he is missing and not be blindsided by any proclaims of love and devotion.

Not a great lot of comfort, I know and my heart goes out to you. Good luck

Nooo, papers for my grandson Tedber.

Summerlove, because we lived there together before and if I go, she wants to go. And it IS half of my grandson's heritage and our intention was that he'd go with us, be educated in whichever international school we work in.

Seems risky if you are concerned that his father would take him and he’d be unable to be extradited.

Your daughter obviously doesn’t see it as a risk.

Actually I think your daughter is being very generous and thoughtfull allowing Skype contact. She obviously wants the best for her child, and introducing a father now might save a lot of heartache in the future. All children deserve to know their parents. Perhaps you should leave things and see how they go.
Won't you need a passort to take him out of the country?

I can't follow this at all. SO....YOU are wanting to go back to this country that your GS may or may not be kidnapped from? You are evasive about the country so non of us can really advise.

All I can say is.....IF I was seriously concerned about my GS and know that if I went my D and GS would follow I would NEVER step foot in it again! What is money if you lose your children? Am I reading this right? not sure - would your Daughter NOT go there unless you do?

Not sure how us gransnetters can actually help you if you decide to go to another country wherever that might be that may not let your GS leave again with you?

That’s how I feel tedber.

Makes it seem like it’s not really all that much of a risk if you’re wanting to go.

Do you just really dislike GSs father? Why do you feel you need to be there to control Skype call?

I don't feel the need to be there. I'm just anxious about it.

Selfish, but I was happier when he wasn't interested. Not best for the beautiful boy I know but...

Selfish, but I was happier when he wasn't interested. Not best for the beautiful boy I know but...

Ok, this I understand. I’m sorry you’re in pain. It is good for him to have access to his father though. It won’t make you any less special in his eyes.

Can you get the child made "A ward of court"?
This is what friends of mine did when their D escaped a very unhappy marriage with a baby of 3 months.
I realise this will not help if you return to his country but that seems to be an economic choice for you rather than for the sake of your GC.
It was Malta my friend's D was living.

Oh I know that, Summerlove, I just want him to be safe. Thank you for the caring tho.

I'll look into the 'Ward of Court' thing. Helpful, thank you.

I understand wanting him safe.
Seems the best way to do that is not to return to other country though? Or just you go, and not your daughter.