Step-grandparent

I think it's probably up to your husband to make a stand, but I'm guessing he won't want to, in case he ends up cut off from the children?

That is so hard for you Mangoo but I do think it is your husband who has to sort it if he wants to....but I think it is likely he will be wary of doing that

I was a stepmother so know this is difficult. Whilst you are open and inclusive, sadly many people are not and you just have to leave your husband to visit his family and maybe have a relaxing/pamper day when he is there. It's likely your stepdaughter will get her own family home in future and maybe then you can be included.

Toughie! A lot depends on how and when your husband left his ex wife? Was she gutted? Were you involved?

Sounds like she has not got over the split t.b.h. She resents you for being with 'her' husband?

I have been married to two divorced men now! My first was when I was very young and he had two sons but I had nothing to do with their split, it was his ex who went off with another man so she absolutely loved me and included me as a co-parent. When he died, we BOTH organised his funeral with all our children.

Now I am married to another man who was divorced. I had nothing to do with that either but the ex really didn't want it to happen and resents the fact I am married to him. Thankfully the kids were grown up, without grandchildren, so no real problems there either.

I think all you can do is be the bigger person. Welcome them all to your house and make plans to do your own thing when he goes to visit them. Don't let it affect your relationship. You can't make people accept things or behave in any way. Don't make him choose or she has won hasn't she?

I don’t know anything about being a step parent/ grandparent, but it makes sense for your husband to sort this really. Perhaps when he spends time with his grandchildren, you could with yours. The red flag here is the fact that she’s nasty about you, when she doesn’t even know you. It makes me think there’s possibly no where to with it, certainly at the moment. Of course, things may change in the future.