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What would you do?

(58 Posts)
H1954 Thu 18-Mar-21 14:28:30

Five years ago OH and I were invited to joint his brother and wife in a short holiday break in the UK. When we arrived brother was alone as his wife wasn't well and stayed home. I'd never met him before btw.

One evening whilst we were out for the evening the brother was on the wrong side of alcohol and was behaving rather inappropriately towards me when my OH wasn't close by. At the time I let it go and ignored the lechy comments.

Brother has now left his wife, taken up with another, rather wealthy woman and moved very close to where we live. He phones and messages OH regularly and it looks highly likely, once lockdown is finally over, that he will expect for the four of us to get together and socialise.

I'm not at all comfortable with this, his lady friend seems very nice and appears to be funding their lifestyle, he's apparently drinking heavily and I know from past experience, just what he's like when he's 'in drink'.

I've never mentioned the brothers behaviour to my OH and I know, eventually, I will run out of excuses to not visit them or have them visit us.

Forestflame Fri 19-Mar-21 17:20:31

My Mum had the same problem with her sisters husband. The worst time was not long after we had lost my Dad (who would have killed him if he had known). I wanted to tell my aunt but my Mum wouldn't let me. We made sure she was never on her own with him again. Please tell your OH what happened.

coastalgran Fri 19-Mar-21 18:34:30

Why don't you summon up all your courage and tackle him head on when he is relatively sober. The lady friend may be aware/unaware but she will be left in no doubt how little he thinks of her, you and his brother by behaving in this way. People only behave in an inappropriate way if they can get away with it. In some cases it is an inadequate person's way of feeling powerful and important. So maybe it is time to point out that they are not important, powerful or frightening in any way. Good luck.

Chapeau Fri 19-Mar-21 23:10:57

Coco51 Assault is no laughing matter

Sparkling Sat 20-Mar-21 08:00:28

I would wait until the time comes and you arrange a meeting. Then I would say to my husband, whatever you do don't leave me on my own with him as he came on to me last time, I put him in his place as I thought it was the drink talking. I must be very assertive as when it happened to me I very clearly told the man, drunk or not, if he said anything else out if turn he would have to run from the fall out, it seemed to work.

Newatthis Sat 20-Mar-21 09:11:51

What did he say/do?

MagicWand Sat 20-Mar-21 15:44:33

Chapeau
Coco51 Assault is no laughing matter

And laughter often makes the situation worse and may even make it dangerous. Insecure, misogynistic men do not take kindly to being laughed at by the women they are trying to gain dominance over.

Lemontart Sat 20-Mar-21 22:40:00

You should have told your OH about his brother in the first place. Tell him now!