Hi, I'm at a loose end as my friends, who were supposed to visit me this weekend, have just cancelled because of illness.
I live alone in a big city and am very isolated. Family live 3 hours away and I have friends scattered around the country but no one really in my city, apart from one friend.
These friends who just cancelled are a couple I've known for 25 years but have not seen for about a year, although we've kept in touch by text and the odd phone call.
I took time off work, for which I've lost wages, I bought lots of food and drink for them and practised getting a favourite recipe right all week so I could make them a lovely meal. I've also been cleaning and getting bedding organised etc for their visit and now nothing - it's not happening.
My friend texted, saying she was too unwell and wasn't up to travelling 2+ hours to see me. I said, by text, that I was very sorry to hear that she was ill and totally understood and told her to wrap up warm and get her partner to look after her, all the usual soothing things that you would say.
She obvs. feels bad about it and asked me what I would now do this weekend.
I told my ill friend that I didn't know what I would do, and would probably just stay home this weekend as it is so cold.
I have only one friend in my city who I see regularly and I know she would like to meet up - assuming she was free, of course - but I feel it's a bit of an insult to ring people at the last minute because your other plans fell through.
I feel such a failure. My "boyfriend" is really just a friend. He lives 3 hours away and I can't visit him as he lives in a christian houseshare. He can't visit me as he has no money - he is long term unemployed and gets scraps of work here and there but never anything consistent - a state of affairs that has continued since I met him 13 years ago.
I have no friends in my city, really, and have no idea how to meet people at my age - 56. I am normally good with my own company but I feel so very lonely.
Thanks for listening.
