April book club - Shtum by Jem Lester

Ooh look, I'm first! I loved this book and read it in 3 days - even though I really didn't like the Ben character (sorry, Jem, if he's based on you).

I just can't bear people whose 'answer' to life's problems is to get drunk or high - you've still got the problem, but now you've got a hangover to boot. So I went off Emma when I realised what she'd been up to, as well.

Having said that, I don't know how I would cope if I had an autistic child - particularly one as severely autistic as Jonah. I didn't realise that local authorities decided on residential placements for such children, but I'm really glad all the 'good' places don't go to those who can afford it, leaving the less well off with the dregs.

I would have liked to meet Georg, who came across as the nicest person in the book, and wondered how closely he and the relationship between him and Ben is reflected in your own father and relationship with him?

Ooh, I'm second! I was glued to this book! I was shocked by the behaviour of Jonah although he couldn't help it and so sorry for those parents with a child with autism. I think it was a real eye opener as to what people have to contend with. Ben's drinking and Emma's deceit really annoyed me. I felt that Georg was a real sweety. Quite clever how the author used Georg's storytelling to Jonah to reveal some of Georg's history .I wish there was more help for autistic children and their parents.
Very interesting read altogether.

I was hooked from the start and read the book in two days. I agree with the above comments that Emma and Ben are flawed characters but who can blame them with what they had to deal with. The relationship between Georg and Jonah was heart-warming but it was sad that Ben only realised the true value of his father when it was too late. However the book did end on a note of hope and, after a long and difficult journey Ben and Jonah's future was full of promise.

Only just received my copy, so a long way to go yet, but I am really hooked on the storyline.

Hopefully I can give a review when I've finished it.

Still can't see how to apply for a copy!

Wow - just finished Shtum. Read it in 3 days. As others have said, relying on alcohol to get through life doesn't sit well with me - and I too was shocked to discover that Emma had resorted to drugs.

But on the other hand - I can relate to a small degree with difficulties of autism as my Stepson was diagnosed with Aspergers in his late teens. He had a hearing impairment from birth so his difficulties were put down to that. Poor little mite was sent to a boarding school for deaf children at the age of 4 until 16. It was only when his anger, unreasonableness and lack of empathy became an acute problem in our home that we sort medical advice. Like Georg in the book - we realised that our step son's paternal grandfather had always been 'odd' and most probably also suffered from Aspergers - so his condition was likely inherited.

We were fortunate in comparison with Jonah's behaviour, but living with someone who could destroy an item of furniture into a thousand small pieces just because he didn't like it, would get so angry that he attacked us on occasion with anything to hand (golf club for one!) - or insist on wearing his old clothes continually, was hard. On the bright side - he did have the much lorded 'special attribute' - he could reproduce any drawn item with total accuracy - and once he had been somewhere - he would have total recall of the place and find his way back with ease.

I would like to know how much of Jem's book was based on fact - I would guess most of it. Certainly a hard hitting book and for me, it brought back memories of our difficult time. Our boy is now in his 40's and in the care of Social Services - they fund his housing in a flat and he has a dedicated social worker who monitors his well being.

To my surprise, I have received the book. I haven't started reading it yet, reserving it for the forthcoming weekend when we're away.
From Jem Lester's interview in the weekend papers, it won't be an easy read or a happy ending.
One of my friends has a 13 year old with Asperger's, and she has a tough time, but he speaks and is high functioning. His rages are directed towards himself, so he has to be protected from self-harm; he is so anxious that he is on the highest dose of tranx possible, and is also very OCD about all sorts of things. Life won't be easy for him as an adult. Apparently, his estranged father is ASD too.

What a brilliant engrossing read this book has been, bringing alive the problems encountered by people with autistic children, woven with the backdrop of difficult family relationships. I wanted Ben to stop drinking and work harder in his business. Georg came over so well and the strong link between him and Maurice was quite believable. I assume the story came from the personal experience of Jem Lester and feel he is brave to put it all down. Any more books where that one came from Jem?

I run our local WI Book Group but always very happy when I feel I've been ' gifted ' with a copy from gn. I read this title with a little trepidation as we have a severely autistic child in the family (bil 's son ) I felt that the everyday life of living with a child like this was very well portrayed. I'm not sure if anyone can say they enjoyed the book but I will say it was very good and left you wondering about how the storyline could carry on.

I won't say I enjoyed the book, as there are some parts of the story that do not make easy reading, but I am glad that I was lucky enough to receive a copy and am pleased that I read it. I understand that the author also has an autistic son who is in residential care, but I wondered if Jem Lester's family is Jewish. I ask because my family is Jewish, and have always believed that cremation is not allowed in the Jewish faith, so thought it odd that Georg was cremated, not buried. Overall, I would recommend anyone to read this book, and have already passed it on to a friend!

Was delighted to receive a surprise parcel and discover a copy of Schtum inside! Owing to a busy schedule this week I'm only halfway through but would thoroughly recommend the book (with a warning about the bad language). As other gransnetters have commented above, I also do not like to see Ben burying his head in the sand and turning to a bottle instead of facing up to his responsibilities, especially with his business. I haven't reached the part of the book with the revelation about Emma yet so feeling sorry that I read the comments above before finishing the book. The emotions in the book are real, graphic and raw and we discover the heartache and frustrations of caring for a severely autistic child. Jem manages to weave in some of the humourous aspects of Jonah's behaviour and the bitter-sweet day to day life experiences of the family. Will definitely be passing on the book to my daughter who works as a Speech & Language therapist with autistic children. Thanks for the gift.

What can I say! Great book which ran the whole gamut of emotions. I personally do not have any experience of autistic children but this book gave me an insight into how much fun and laughter as well as tears and heartbreak an autistic child can bring. I felt sympathy for and anger at Ben for his attitude to his life and his coping mechanisms. His father's back story was at times difficult for me to read as, even though, I am not Jewish I have ancestors who were and lived in Warsaw during the Second World War. The majority died in Treblinka. The fact Ben's father befriended and helped another child and still depended on each other spoke of his great humanity from a very young age. It was heartening to read Ben finally understood his father. Ignore the language, it was just the main character venting his unhappiness and showed how frustrated he was. I'll be recommending and passing on this book.

Just finished reading the book .. and feeling incredibly sad. Heartbreaking that however much Ben and Emma love Jonah, love cannot conquer all. The relationship between Georg and Jonah is touching .. and even more so when Georg's past is revealed. The book ends on a fairly positive note when Jonah starts at a suitable residential school .. but it's hard to envisage what the future holds for him and his parents. A difficult subject to write about but Jem Lester does a wonderful job. I loved this book.

Delighted to be a winner of Shtum by Jem Lester.
I haven't read it yet, but saw an interesting article in last weekend's Telegraph magazine about him and the book, so I've got a good idea what it will be like.
Looking forward to reading it and thank you for running this competition.

Hi Jem,
I have deliberately not read anyone else's posts on this thread until I have posted my own as I wanted to get my reactions down straight away.
First of all, very well done to you, I was blown away by Shtum . I think it should be added to the reading list of every trainee teacher, doctor, Social worker, psychologist etc etc.
My nephew is on the spectrum, nowhere near as affected as the main character of 'Jonah' but your descriptions of the meetings and paperwork with all the various agencies ring absolutely true as to what my sister has had to go through in trying to get help for my nephew.
continued on next post

..ran out of text !
I work in a primary school and we have a handful of special needs children, some diagnosed and as yet some are not.Your book gives a greater understanding of some of these children. I maintain it should be on recommended reading lists !
Fabulous interweaving of family through the story too.Was it difficult to write about something SO personal ?
All the best to you and yours for your bravery and humour.

What a powerful book! I read it in a couple of days, and often read it in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep. My heart went out to Ben. My goodness, the strain he was under! His wife really irked me. How could she just throw her hands up and abdicate all responsibility for Jonah. How nice for her to keep the house, and basically throw Ben and Jonah out. Ben's father was very kind to take them in, but Ben didn't seem to appreciate that at all. It's made me realise what autism really is. I know a mother who's son is very tidy and she says he's probably a bit autistic! That really trivialises the condition. I loved the way the book ended, with Jonah finally settled, and Ben finding out about his father. Great book, but very disturbing.

Thank you Gransnet for yet again giving me the opportunity to read a book that I would never have chosen myself.

I found the book incredibly moving and hard to read in parts, but having said that I couldn't put it down. I was happy that Ben finally found out more about his family's past and was able to lose some of the guilt he felt for Jonah's condition.

Thank you Jem for sharing what must have been some of your own experiences, I, like others think it should be required reading for those training to care for children with autism and those local authority employees entrusted with the decisions that can have such long reaching consequences for families.

Have just finished reading this book and found my sympathies with the characters changed as I got further into the story, showing that we shouldn't rush into making judgments when we don't know all the facts.
I was left wondering how other less articulate parents, manage to fight for what that child needs, and how the parents themselves cope if they do not have access to supportive family, money for expensive detox etc.
Like others I felt Georg was the real rock for the whole family despite himself having a very touching and harrowing back story.
I'd be really interested in reading a book that explored his story further and the reasons for his marriage break up.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this book. It has been an emotional experience to do so and not many books are powerful enough to evoke such a response. With family experience of several of the issues explored in the book, including autism, I knew this would not be an easy read but found myself carried along by the tide of events and often reading late into the night as I could not put it down. I would not say I enjoyed the book but found it a compelling read.
I am quite sure that many of those charged with making decisions about the future of those unable to make decisions for themselves never see the whole picture. Even spending just 24 hours in a situation would give them a clearer picture as Ben showed in his submission to the Tribunal. The stresses and strains on family life, all those forms to fill in, meetings to attend and the emotionally draining day to day existence are bound to take their toll and none of knows how we would cope with such circumstances yet those faced with them have no choice. Certainly this book should be read by anyone whose work touches on such families and by those who have friends or relatives affected by such challenges as few know what goes on behind closed doors.
I have to applaud Jem Lester for writing this book, an experience that must have been more traumatic for him than for those who read it, and yet I hope it has been cathartic as writing so often is. I wonder, will Jem continue to write about such issues or will he now feel free to explore quite different avenues?

A powerful,sad,emotional read. A story of love , and loss, and fighting a system that sees people as expenditure. A lovely book ..I enjoyed every page,and Georg 's story at the end was heartbreaking. Well done Jem.

A few pages into this book I was taken back 25+ years to a work role in which I supported, or tried to support, parents of children with a range of learning disabilities, including children on the autistic spectrum. I heard so many stories from families and could see each one as I was reminded by a particular scenario. It is a powerful book, not for everyone I think but for me an absorbing read. It reminded me of the power of communication, the pain that can be caused by what is said and what is not said and that we don't always need words to communicate powerfully. How would it have been for Ben if Georg had shared his history, how would Emma and Ben have been in their marriage if their communication had been clearer? Changing the picture we hold of how our child will be before they are born is both difficult and painful. How hard not to blame ourselves, and when we do how easy to be destructive in that blame. The book made me consider the difficulty of coming to terms with the knowledge that our child will never achieve as society expects them to, as we anticipated they would. The pain when we see other children meet milestones from toiletting to achieving in education. To see young adults learn to drive, form positive relationships, have their own home, change their way of relating to us as they reach adulthood, the list of our expectations is endless and with each anticipated developmental milestone the pain can be re-activated. I didn't judge Ben or Emma, I didn't think I knew enough, and when I understood their pressures and stories I was pleased that I had been able to hold back and just wait and see. None of us can know what it is really like to be another person, those of us lucky enough to not battle with the special education system cannot know the pressures and pain it brings. This book gives us an insight into how it can be and hopefully leaves everyone who reads it with a deeper understanding. Thank you Jem for offering me a new challenge and thank you Gransnet for giving me the opportunity to read about Jonah.

I loved the book it really explored the difficulties parents face on a daily basis not just the trials of caring for an autistic child but the constant struggles with agencies which can only add to their frustrations. Although heart breaking in parts Georg's humour gave a good balance definitely a memorable book which will stay with me for a long time. It has certainly changed my feelings towards parents of autistic children and I now have far more empathy to them. I would certainly recommend this book to friends and others wanted to learn more or indeed just as a cracking good read.