Looking after someone is a two way street. Far too many women let their mother's become petty dictators, feeling that just because they are elderly and gave birth to them they should be treated as 'she who must be obeyed' when they get old. Why?
I am not suggesting anyone walk away from an elderly parent and leave them to their fate, but I do think that what people do for their mother should be governed by the same rules that would govern you in every other part of your family life.
People need to decide how their family life - and non-family life can best run and how their mother fits in. They need to talk to their mother and tell them what they can do and what they cannot, and not let their mother emotionally blackmail them into doing more than they can. They also need to call out parents, who refuse to be rational and reasonable and do something to help themselves. For example complaining of loneliness but refusing to join in communal activities and demanding that their daughter meets all their social demands.
Thankfully, my father, who outlived my mother was very determined not to be dependent on his children, but I had an uncle who I was close to and was carer for, who asked to come and live with us, and he was backed up by a psychiatrist, who had it in for me and wanted my uncle out of his hospital catchment area and they put enormous emotional pressure on me to get me to take him in, but I stuck my toes in and said 'no'.
It was much the better thing. My uncle went into a care home near his home, initially on a temporary basis, but liked it so much he decided to stay, and because he stayed local, all his friends could visit him. It was a lot further for me to travel to visit, but that was the compromise I made.