My DiL in Germany has a Kiwi birth mother, French step-mother and her own German ex-childminder all fighting over her & for supremacy. I said I'd be a good friend not another mother. It's bound to be a different relationship compared with my daughter - for a start the latter has no problem telling me what she thinks of me (good & bad). My interests are far closer to my DiL which is nice but childbirth & rearing views are closer to daughter's. I do make an effort to send emails etc just to DiL and she values this - no doubt the self-sufficiency is a bit of a front too.
Just a bit of feeling enters when I realise they've visited lots of the extended French step-family with new grandson & it seems harder to get them to agree to a small family gathering with our relatives - they dominated the wedding party too. But we are the easy going ones who don't pressure them.
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