Why do some people make you feel inadequate??

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Good post Atqui. It isn't always something an individual can chose to do or not - sometimes it just happens. Those of you who never feel inadequate are very lucky!

These positive comments such as Life is too short etc are all true. When I said earlier that someone's post made me feel inadequate , I was not being facetious. Some people have low self esteem , probably for some deep seated reason, and will feel inadequate no matter how many times they are told to count their blessings or should I say attributes. It's like telling someone with depression to 'Snap out of it' . Sometimes it helps to know that other people do not feel good about themselves. I suppose if I was wealthy I would have therapy as the Americans all seem to do!

Life is indeed too short Bennan so that's the right attitude to adopt.

Recently I was feeling a bit down after a family gathering, SIL being a bit of a pain, so I took stock of my life and abilities. I went over my talents, interests and relationships and decided that they were more than adequate and that I was doing not so badly for an old broad! Life is too short to worry too much about others who are peripheral to your life. Enjoy what you have, who you are and your loved ones around you, harm no-one and live as well as you can.

Rubylady.
We all make mistakes!!
I for one told my DD a few things!
That I wish since I lost him, that I could go back and change !!
They were not cruel as such, a bit thoughtless which with age I have seen clearer !

Lucky girl
What you described is a person of mediocre intelligence who has by their own 'hard work' and considerable 'bullying' /persuasion has pushed their way into the 'positions of respect' by most, with possible a title too!
These are the rudest and most arrogant people I have come across; during my working life (now retired),
I served as silver service waitress on many 'upper class' dinners at posh hotels, these people were polite, friendly and considerate while serving meal!
But those I served at lesser functions, as in big business yearly dinners or clubs; were on the whole, rude , cheeky in touching ones posterior! Would get up and down during meal or the serving, and when it came to removing used plates or such...if they were talking .. would make the waitress wait until finnished to clear theirs! Showed such bad manners when they should have known better! These folk were also tight fisted when giving tips !!
The guys from clubs and factory's were more polite, but rather too many visits to toilets and would get up to chat to someone to far away !

It's your life.. So enjoy it while your here , live and let live?
I often think .. Life is processing us ??
But for what or where ?

I like your sentiments PPP and fully agree. You sound a bit like me!

Good for you PPP!

I am all for a bit of frivolity.

I spent all my youth and working life being 'worthy' - studied hard, job useful to society, raised my children, worked hard etc. Dutiful.

Now I am an old woman I want more fun in my life. Spend what I've worked for, buy clothes, art, plants, nail polish etc that I dont 'need' but which give me pleasure. The old stuff goes to charity and I keep the economy moving!

My DD made me feel inadequate a long time ago, various things but she even put me down on watching soaps, a bit of escape time for me. Now my DS says the same thing so occasionally I go and watch them with my darling dad who laps them up but sadly forgets the plot due to his dementia. I still love our time together though and he doesn't, not one bit, make me feel inadequate. I'm done with the family who can't accept and love me as I am.

No One. Can make you inferior without your consent
try and remember this saying when you start to feel inferior or intimidated by someone who feels they are perfect and you are not

I know exactly the sort of people you are talking about Katek and until recent years they would have made me feel inadequate too. When in their company I used to find myself adjusting my conversation accordingly so as not to 1. offend them and 2. appear inadequate. I had many so called friends like that.
I think with age now has come acceptance that you have to take friends warts and all. If however friendship does not outweigh the irritability limit, and I am unable to resolve it with them, then I'm afraid they soon find themselves in the 'departure lounge'.
Life's too short not to be yourself and enjoy the way you are.
Love the picture and caption janeainsworth !

Been thinking about this one. And I'd say it probably goes a bit both ways. Some of the people who have made me (very slightly ;) ) inadequate, like my mil and sil, I slowly discovered felt quite inadequate themselves, and therefore went 'on the attack' first. With sil, we are absolutely like chalk and cheese, but slowly, surely, we have come to appreciate each other's strengths and talents- she would sure hate to be me, possibly, and I couldn't stand being her- but we now enjoy each other's company and enjoy so many things together on our many holidays, like wild flowers, landscapes and old towns and buildings. That's fine.

Old school friends arriving tonight- and I thought about them too when responding. She is still looking very young, and is very slim, just like she was as a girl. I look much older and have put quite a bit of weight on. Her house is always perfect, and mine is not- but we love each other unconditionally as we are- and that's great. Perhaps, at times, she felt intimidated by the fact I went on to Uni in the UK as a mature student, and achieved many things she didn't? But if she did, it wouldn't have lasted, because friendship goes far beyond that.

Admiring what somebody else has got or achieved is ok, and is not always 'comparing' or judging- just accepting the differences.

Each to his own but just down ram yours down my throat. We all have our methods of economy be time, money, sympathy etc. it surprises me some of the economies and non economies my wealthy friends make. So judge you not lest ye be judged.

One advantage of getting older is that I really couldn't giving a flying whatnot, unless someone really gets up my nose - then I let them know about it!

Those who take the moral high ground are usually feeling inadequate themselves so let them get on with it and have a smile to yourself and feel good in your own skin and do as you would be done by. Lots of cliches here but hey they work that's why they are cliques.

Have a good day.

Actually that is more like it really, lucky. I don't think I'm self pitying but it makes me very cross that they caught me wanting!

Thinking further about it the two people whom I find self-satisfied don't actually make me feel inadequate - I just find them irritating.

Good for you KatyK

Thank you Anya (your attitude is commendable) and jane. I'm going to turn over a new leaf. My life is pretty good despite the troubles of the past - I need to appreciate that I'm OK. I don't envy other people in any way really. It's more a confidence thing, along with a sprinkling of self pity which is not a good trait. Today I have been out to a nice hotel for afternoon tea with my DD, DGD, and my two lovely sisters. We were chauffeured around by my uncomplaining DH. Time to concentrate on what I have, rather than what I haven't got.

I've yet to find myself or be kind to myself, although it's about time I did.... I think I've spent my life always trying to please someone or everyone else.
This thread has really made me think - at 61 I'd better get a move on

I empathise kittylester, some people are so toxic they are best avoided if at all possible, it's as if they just have to prove a point regardless.

I don't think it's about wanting to be the other person soon. My exSil has cultivated an aura of being perfect and, although I know she isn't, she is so sure that it's a bit destabilising. For instance, I made a really tasty lasagne and served it with a big salad. She sniffed when offered lasagne, took a minute corner but then took most of the salad and announced that lasagne is sooooo fattening.

Omg no, Soon!! I enjoy my slightly off the wall life, my slightly crazy friends (I include myself in that description!), my dgc think I'm fab the way I am and I love my shoes and my hair and my little frivolities. It took me a long time for me to believe that I deserved to be kind to myself. Lots of issues with my physicality made it hard for me to fit in. I do have my very serious and worthy side as well, and am heavily involved in all sorts of community affairs and organisations so I do work very hard on these. I just wish this particular person didn't make me feel like I <ought> to be like her. It does say more about my lingering self doubt than her though, I know.

Is there a difference, I wonder, if we actually want to be in some way like the other person?

I would like to be a better cook. Though know I dont have it in me.

Does the op want to be like the other person?

I don't remember when it happened, all I do remember is that one day, I decided, I am me, to hell with the expectations of others - so left Ex. All that happened was that I lost the company of my few rather more superficial 'friends', all social networkers. Family were surprised that I allowed myself to put on weight and stopped wearing as much makeup. I saw surprise on the faces of friends who saw the more natural me, but they were fine and everyone got used to it - however I wasted years worrying about appearances of every kind. Life is so much less stressful now.

I wouldn't mind the odd trip to the hairdresser's, but when I have the money, invariably see something I want for my garden!

I can think of scenery, hobbits, wine, and seafood. The odd earthquake.

Thanks bags, I shall enjoy buying her that. I am quite good at buying her books she hates.