Why do some people make you feel inadequate??

I'm definitely not guilty there Katek. How are the shoes going btw ?

Perhaps they're just pleasing themselves Katek and why shouldn't they?
I don't suppose they do any of those things with the intention of making you or anyone else feel inadequate.

Thank goodness it's not just me then! The shoes have hardly been off! They were meant for our hols in September but I couldn't wait.

I'm sure they aren't Jane, each to their own, but it's that slight air of moral superiority that gets to me I think.

You could be describing my brother's in-laws Katek and you couldn't meet two nicer people.

Each to their own.

Katek

(X'd posts going on)
I'm perfectly sure lots of people with these behavioural traits are perfectly lovely and very genuine people. The one I know quite def thinks they are morally superior to those around them-not just me, others feel the same.

I know what you mean Kate! Years ago I started a thread asking who, in their lives, made them feel inadequate. For me it's my mum and my exsister in law, both of whom don't mince their words when it comes to pointing out my very many failings!

I don't have a problem about people who think they are morally superior unless I genuinely believe they are – and even then, I don't have a problem.

Same as absent, except that I probably should admit to having the problem of dismissing such moral superiority as stupid and therefore inferior to the open-minded approach to life I try to adopt.

What does that make me?

DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!!

bags I could, but I won't. However, it would be complimentary.

katek this has just appeared on my FB feed

If I am being serious for a moment, I think it is true that most people harbour some doubts of personal inadequacy and we are not all like the wonderful woman in the picture. Age may have blessed us with experience and wisdom but only the arrogant supremely self confident would deny ever feeling doubt, nervousness, worry in the face of life's challenges.
Great actors often admit to crippling stage fright - that is what makes them great,. We know enough at our stage in life to know that we do not know it all and those who claim to are deluding themselves, the trick, if there is one, is to bear that in mind when faced with self-preening "moral superiority".

I should know, I am always right

I don't have a problem with people doing all those things mentioned in the OP, the ones I do have a problem with are those who constantly try to tell me that I should be the same! I recycle most things but occasionally put something in the wrong bin because it is easier, I do have a budget but sometimes treat myself to something "unnecessary", drink real coffee and love gadgets. That doesn't make me evil and a planet destroyer!! I had a friend who berated me because I chose to ditch my old TV and buy a new slimline one. Note I said HAD a friend.

I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said no-one can make you feel inferior without your permission!

I think it would be great to have total confidence like absent and bags seem to exhibit but some people do know which buttons to press whether intentionally or not.

My exSiL has supreme confidence. My Mum is totally the opposite but the end result is the same as far as I'm concerned.

It doesn't take much to make me feel inadequate. I'm not worried about the women you hear about who run a gourmet kitchen in their house, have started a multi million pound business from the kitchen table and scale Annapurna in the last stage of labour because they are clearly bonkers. I do however just have this lack of confidence that goes way back into childhood. I grew up in poverty in the East End of London and my parents never managed more than a hand to mouth existence most of which my mother felt was my fault (my very being deprived her of a better life somehow and my continued presence was an embarrassment). At work I was surrounded by people who had gone to university and I hadn't so I felt inferior so I fixed that through years of higher education at the same time as a full time responsible job - didn't make me feel any better. Now in retirement I am surrounded by people with LOTS of money because stupidly I took up golf- they make me feel inferior. One yesterday said to me - don't you know New Zealand then? !!
I do try to remember Eleanor Roosevelt's words but it doesn't work.

None of the things mentioned in the op make me feel inadequate, but when I listen to people on the radio speaking English fluently as a foreign language, and when I used to buy Woman and Home and read about women who made amazing second careers for themselves ,THEN I feel inadequate.

It is a matter of whether the person is intentionally trying to make others feel inadequate.

And whether we feel inadequate.

It is actually two seperate issues.

I feel inadequate by my friends' cooking. It is faultless in my eyes. Whereas mine certainly isnt.
They dont mean to make me feel inferior but I do!
But it is only one aspect about them.

Who has a perfect life?

And even if they do, none of us know what is around the corner.

Two people have this effect, but only in a small way.

One is a friend who lives alone and does not have a TV - for some reason I always feel slightly inferior when she drops in if I have the TV on during the day for one of the GC. We seldom do this, but always, it seems, when she comes round! Why I feel this way, I have absolutely no idea!

Another is a vicar - I knew her long before she got "vicared" and she had the same irritating habit then, although it has now got worse. She and her hubby were card-carrying Labour supporters and she had this rather supercilious self-righteous air about her. This is now so much worse, as she speaks in this endlessly sympathetic tone, as if it is her job to dispense comfort and advice - grrr! It gets right up my wick. You can make the most innocent emotion-free remark and she wades in with her sympathetic voice. The fact that it irritates me so probably says more about me than it does about her!! Many people think she is just wonderful - except, interestingly, my DDs - I never said how much she annoyed me, but they all spontaneously said how she gets up their wick!

How can anyone claim to know what others think ? Can the problem not be your choice of those shoes , the people you claim make you feel inadequate are just living their lives in a way they choose . You go to the hair salon I have't been near one for years, can't be bothered and waste of money for me, makes you feel better about yourself , I don't need to go, you do, neither of us is inadequate we just have different priorities and make different choices .

I do the best I can and try to treat others as I would like them to treat me. If others don't like me or think I am inferior then that's their problem.

You need to learn to love yourself. Then you can forgive your shortcomings.
This is not the same as feeling sorry for yourself.

Luckygirl I have a friend who did a counselling course and talks in that very sympathetic way and before I know where I am I'm pouring out my sorrows all the while telling myself to shut up! Teetime if you play golf the world is just one large golf course to some golfers. My DH tries to get his fellow golfers to look at the wild life on the course,hares,various fungi, moorhen chicks ,but they have only one goal to get the handicap down.