Is anyone awake to hand hold through a hard time?

I can only echo the avalanche of good wishes to you from all of the GNers! I hope you have as good a day as possible. Its good to hear that you have some positive things to look forward to in the new year. Bless you.

tingaloo I hope this is a good day for you and your husband and that placement comes through very soon.

hope day goes well and best wishes for 2016

Good morning tingaloo. Your post comes across as very optimistic. How lovely you will catching up with a dear friend today. I hope that goes well, being able to talk warm thoughts about your past will be an (albeit) temporary welcome break from all the 'stuff' that's going on at the moment. I, for one wish the very best of days for you - and your DH.

A very happy Christmas to everyone who has been on this thread and supported me through a difficult time. All Dh's assessments for nursing care have been completed now, and we are waiting for a placement. He may have to go somewhere as a stopgap until a space at the nursing home of my choice becomes vacant. He has been given meds to calm him down at night, and seems settled. However, he is really confused, and doesn't realise he is in hospital. I am visiting one of my daughters for Christmas breakfast, then spending the day with dh at the hospital. In the evening I am picking my other daughter and her family up from her in-laws and driving them home so I will have an opportunity to spend time with them. I have been in contact with an old and very dear friend, with whom contact had lapsed for a few years. Talking to her, it felt like we had spoken yesterday, and she is coming to visit in the new year. I am so excited about that.
Thank you all again for your hand-holding, advice and support, and enjoy your Christmasses, however you spend them.

Wishing you well, tingaloo x

Tingaloo I am so sad for you but also full of admiration for all that you have done and are doing. I hope you manage to get a holiday very soon.

Ting I have been off GN for a while and just picked up your thread. My heart goes out to you in this sad situation. It seems that the best solution for both your DH and you is permanent care. One person can not deal with this alone so you don't need to feel guilty about getting much needed support, especially when violence is involved.

Bless you and your DH, especially at this time.

((Hugs))

Tingaloo big ((((hugs)))) I think it is time to look after and protect yourself here. That is not you failing as a carer, it is so you can keep strong enough to keep visiting him while you can.

Thank you. I have another thread where I have explained that although the infection has cleared up, DH is still very confused, having some hallucinations, and is quite agitated. He is still in hospital, and we are waiting for a space in a nursing home for permanent residential care to be NHS funded due to his challenging behaviour. Looks like we will have to wait until after Christmas now, as the homes are all full due to people having respite care over the holidays. I am sure it is the right decision for both of us, but I am experiencing a mixture of guilt and grief, tempered by relief. I am looking forward to him being settled in his new home, and taking a holiday.

I just popped by in the hope that your situation has improved. I wish you peace at Christmas.

Just popped back for an update and I'm sorry to find that things deteriorated to such a degree. Hugs for being brave when he was being so aggressive, and how very caring to hold him until he calmed down.

You must be exhausted with it all and need thinking time now to make a plan. There comes a time when a single person cannot provide all the care needed, so don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

A virtual bouquet for a very brave lady.

You are in my thoughts ting I do hope you are not alone. Love and hugs.

Just wanted to say take care of yourself and that you are in my thoughts.

Having worked with 'violent' dementia clients for years please please put yourself first. You are who the most important person right now. The person you loved has gone ????

Have just revisited this thread and I feel so deeply for you. As so many people have said, 'Please take care of yourself and accept all the help that you can'. and hugs.

I hope you can take time to consider your options in this distressing situation. Wishing you well.

My dear girl my heart goes out to you in the decisions you are going to have to make.
You must do what is best for you first and him second.
I am on the same path but not as far along as you and I am full of foreboding for the future
I cannot even think that my H could turn violent but with experience I know it is a possibility. He regularly snaps at me. My friend's BiL kept on driving after he was stopped and when everyone tried to talk to her she said it was easier than getting strangled. Family friends eventually told her son they would report it to the Police if the family didn't act. It was obvious she was terrified of him. He is now in care. Good luck with what happens in the next few days. Retirement must seem like a bad joke.

I hoped, as we haven't heard from you for a little while, that maybe things were improving for you, and so I'm saddened that there's been such a dreadful turn for the worse, with your DH physically attacking you. I can only add to what Lucygirl says and hope you and DH will both soon find a peaceful solution to what must be hell on earth for you both.

Oh tingaloo - what a dreadful time this is for you. I do hope that there are professionals around to guide and support you, and friends and family to hold your hand.

Dementia is so difficult for the family, spouses in particular. The illness seems to tinker along for several years and then suddenly get worse in the step-wise fashion that you are describing; often in the winter months when there are lots of bugs around.

You are having a real struggle just now and I do wish you well. I understand your two "bottom lines"- they make perfect sense, both for his sake and for yours. You must keep yourself safe.

I am thinking of you and holding your hand over the ether.

Thought I'd update on my poor husband. After his discharge on the Saturday, he spent a week at home, with the delusions becoming worse and worse. On the Friday, I could not rouse him properly in the morning, neither could the paramedic 111 sent round, so she called for an ambulance to take him to a&e. The trip and the fresh air seemed to revive him, and we spent the day there, but were sent home as they could find no sign of infection, with a follow up appointment booked for the Monday. The weekend was difficult as he became increasingly agitated, trying to leave the house in his pyjamas at various times of day and night. It culminated in the early hours of Monday morning with a psychotic episode, during which he attacked me, hitting me and banging my head against the wall, and threatening to kill me. Luckily, he is quite weakened, so I ws not injured beyond a bit of bruising. I could see my phone, and wondered whether to ring for help, but was afraid it would exacerbate the situation. He eventually calmed down, and I cradled him in my arms for the rest of the night. At the hospital appointment the next day, he was admitted again for both his and my own safety. That was one week ago. He is on the same ward in the same bay as he was before, and although he says he has no memory of being here before, he keeps trying to get into his previous bed, even with the current occupant in it. On Thursday, they discovered that he does have another chest infection, and he is on a course of iv antibiotics. We are hoping the infection is the cause of the delirium, but he remains totally confused and quite agitated to date. I have said that I want him to go into immediate respite from the hospital, as I need time to process what has happened, and can't begin to do that while allmy time is spent visiting him. I have always said that my two bottom lines as regards residential care are incontinence and violence. I am remaining quite strong, with only a couple of minor wobbles as I face up to the fact that residential care, and the end of our life together is a real possibility.

Dear tingaloo such a huge learning curve and what a lot of things you are coping with! I do hope that you soon have all the care that you and DH need in place and all working well.
Such a wealth of knowledge and experience on here makes this such a valuable resource.
I take my hat off to all you carers out there and send every one of you kind thoughts, best wishes and prayers.

Hugs to you . I care for my dad who has dementia and cancer. What can I say, it's hideous. Take care of yourself as much as you can and remember your tablets. Be kind to yourself too.

When a parent learned her child had Down's Syndrome, she said she had not planned for it, obviously. But she said that it was like getting on a bus, she had planned to get on one bus but had got on a different one. I think about this often. We all do not know what life has in line for us, but we get on with it because we love our loved ones and find the strength to cope.

You are a wonderful person.

I have no advice for you as I (luckily) have no expereirence of any of your issues. However, I did want to send you best wishes and that I hope you can find the strength to deal with this very challenging time of your lives.

I don't know if anyone else has said this but you must contact the Alzheimers Society on ttps://www.alzheimers.org.uk/ They are the people to talk to. I went to a talk on Dementia last week. There are several types and having halucinations is one of the types. You need local contacts living through the same situation to compare notes and get help from, try and find a group. Ask you doctors, health visitor, etc. This is not a situation you can cope with on your own. Nan3 has some good advice. Stay brave Tingaloo