Is anyone awake to hand hold through a hard time?

Are the psychiatric staff involved? It sounds as though they should be, and that he should be sedated

Awake and feeling for you in a difficult, distressing situation. You need sleep to cope with tomorrow. I hope you are able to get the support Galen suggests above and that Social Services see you and your husband as a priority very soon. Although you probably don't feel up to it at present you must be firm, polite, calm but stubborn in asking to see more senior staff and making your husband's needs known.
Thinking of you and hoping that you get respite from the situation soon.

Hello tingaloo. I agree with Galen and hope there will soon be some help for your husband (and yourself) in the way of sedation.

I do hope you manage to get some sleep, you must be mentally and physically exhausted. I don't sleep well and will probably be on here for a while, and I suspect others will be drifting in and out as the night/morning wears on. You are not alone

Only answering because I can hold hands, I'm still up but I can't add anymore to the wise replies you have received. Do reach out and get the help you need.

Yes,I'm here too. You must look after yourself tingaloo...you can't care for him unless you care for yourself as well.

tingaloo what a painfully difficult situation you're in - and the nights by a hospital bed can be very long and lonely I know. I'm thinking of you and said a little prayer.

May I suggest that, in the morning, you share with the ward staff exactly what you have written here? There needs to be a care plan in place before they discharge your husband, and you need help. Perhaps it's time to consider a care home or at the very least, regular carers coming in to to give you some respite. What do you imagine your husband would have said to you if he had envisioned the situation you're now in? I suspect he would not want you to be fearful of the man he is becoming, but rather he would want you to feel safe even if that means making big changes in both your lives. (((hugs)))

tingaloo What a terrible predicament you are in. My heart goes out to you.

I think grannyactivist gives good advice. Imagine what your DH would have advised when he was more himself. You need rest, time and space to recharge your batteries. Remember there is usually someone out here who can give you a virtual hug when you are desperate. xxx

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and support. I will be pushing for some psychiatric help for him tomorrow (help, it's Saturday, only skeleton, very junior staff). He is becoming more agitated again, thinking that we will be killed by morning if we don't get out of here, and is in a lot of pain in his chest (new pain, is it a result of being restrained, or could it be in his oesophagus, he hadp km lomk a tear there once before). Anyway, they have given him a dose of oramorph which he has at home to control breathlessness. I am hoping this will calm him as well as ease the pain. He was very wary of being administered it by the male nurse who he thinks is out to kill him, but accepted it from a female nurse. I will definitely ask to see the consultant on Monday, and will also be contacting my Admiral nurse to see if he can advocate for us. I have been given tea and a footstool, so am relatively comfortable. I have just remembered that I didn't take my own medication (thyroid) before I came up here, but don't suppose one dose will matter.

tingaloo I can't offer any more advice than the good advice that posters have already given you.

I hope that the Admiral nurse can help you in getting proper support in this very distressing situation.

My thoughts - and I'm sure those of all who have read your original post - are with you.

You sound a little more positive and it's good you have a plan to put into action. A cuppa and a foot stall is a little comfort for you on this long night.

There's others here who will be popping in overnight to chat to you...

hi there feel for you both. I have been in very similar situation as you with my father.
Glad he has had Oramorph they also gave my dad an antidepressant which helped to calm him.
Ask for a meeting Monday with yourself [and a friend for support if possible] and the Drs, social services and any other health carer involved.
Dont hold back tell them everything!
Ask for NHS funding assessment due to his dementia and behaviour.
My advice would be Not to have you DH home before any assessment has been done. They cant send him home to an empty house, so if need be say you are exhausted and going to stay with a friend or family.
you are his carer so you are allowed respite, ask social worker to help you with this.
age concern will help if you need it. they will explain NHS funding and let you know about other bodies that can help you both.
best of luck!

I have managed to get some sleep. My poor man is curled up like a foetus clutching onto my hand. I am really going to have to kick up a stink to get us both the help we need, aren't I? Oh gosh, I hate a fuss. In the short term (very short term), I am going to have to go home at some point today to feed the cat and take my medication.I hope he won't kick off again when I go. Thank you everyone for your replies. It has meant a lot to know there is someone out there to listen to me and give advice.

I hope the day is easier for you than you fear tingaloo
Love and strength.

I feel for you tingaloo. I have not coped with this myself but I have a few friends who have/are currently. GA's advice is good.

My mum became violent while in her first care home and they were unable to cope with her. She was already under a psychiatrist who arranged for her to be taken into a specialist dementia unit where they rethought all her medication and started her on mementine (?so). It has helped her enormously. She is now in a lovely home where the the staff love her!

Keep talking to us- we have wealth of experience between us.

tingaloo, I hope things are more settled for you both today. Do you have any family members who can give you a bit of support just now?
Like you have said, I think you do need to kick up a bit of a stink today - for both of your sakes. Has your DH had any respite care at all? Could this be arranged, urgently? Perhaps if so, his (and your) needs can be reassessed and a proper package can be provided? Stay with us and let us know how things go. Thinking about you.

Tingaloo I do hope you get the right help soon for your DH and yourself.
Don't think of it as making a 'fuss'.
Think of it as helping the staff to understand what's going on with your husband. You shouldn't have to be coping with this alone, not to mention sleeping on a chair because they don't seem to be able to manage.

Dear Tingaloo, we are with BIL and SIL this weekend. He is rapidly being taken from us by dementia and is very aggressive verbally. SIL has a carer every morning to help get him dressed, washed and shaved - not always easy! She is becoming so worn down by his condition that we are trying to put together some extra help in conjunction with their sons to ease her load. Do you have family to help? They may not be able to do a lot but a short respite can be so beneficial for you. Get as much help as you can from anywhere. Remember that without your health being a priority your ability to help your DH will be compromised and as others have pointed out he would not want you to be so distressed and unhappy. Be kind to yourself. There is a lot of support for you out there and here also.

Tingaloo I've got no advice but I am thinking of you.

Tingaloo yes, the time has come to kick up a fuss. This should never have been allowed to get to this position. Very bad service from the NHS indeed.

Never mind it being the weekend. You state your case, politely but forcefully, and refuse to budge until you get someone to do something

Keep on and on, your DH needs you to do this for him and you need some help so you don't go under yourself.

Best of luck and ((((hugs))))

You are in my thoughts and prayers Ting

Don't worry about not taking your Thyroxin tablets they have a accumulative affect so it won't matter if you miss an occasional dose. Perhaps you could put a few in your handbag so that you can take them wherever you are.

Thinking of you.

I am trying to remember from my age uk stint in information and advice.
I believe you need to ask for a section 2 assesment from social services before discharge and also a carers assesment to see if you are fit and able to cope with this,without sleep and respite you are are clearly struggling.
Are you thinking that maybe time has come for residential care as you are becoming frightened of some of his condition...I believe you have to stand firm as I have supported an elderly friend through this when her twin suffered this way to get the best care for him.

As always I would suggest Age uk information and advice ...they have regional as offices around uk ..they can offer advocacy advice,befriending and many other ways of support ....meanwhile I am thinking of you tingaloo.....and sending you a big hug at this lonely time for you xxxxxx

I think you need to turn your phone off and get some sleep at home. I think it's unreasonable of the hospital to be calling you all the time. I think they should be able to cope. As galen, our resident medic has said, it sounds as if he needs sedation.

I hope you get the help and support you need very soon

My Admiral nurse did most of the phone calls for me to social services, the hospital, age concern, everybody. She was with me a lot and stayed overnight in A&E with Dad to give me a rest. She spent a long time gaining his confidence. She knew what to do, who to call when I didn't.
You are going to need more help, it's awful how slow they all are, they fill in their forms then disappear.
In desperation I called my MP, they got things moving for me and very quickly. Hope this helps.
My heart really goes out to you Tingaloo.
Keep posting.

Good morning tingaloo . How are you and your husband this morning?