help and advice, please

I discovered that my OH does not see the difference between credit cards and a debit card. Fortunately he's not a spendthrift. Still, I can't believe his obtuseness.

When my dh passed away I had to pay a considerable sum of money back to creditors. They were not my debts but they had to paid out of his estate. I had no idea about the debt and didn't realise it was my responsibility to repay it.

I think as men grow older they seem to find happiness in buying lots of stuff. My dh had a stash of tools from BQ that filled an entire cupboard.

Good luck with this Invanova. My guess is that as your dh left the bill where you could see it, he wants you to help sort the matter out.

Some excellent advice so far . It must be a nightmare for you , I really hope you manage to sort it out without using your own money/savings . Could you go with him to see the GP about his addiction , if you don`t get a grip on this now he will drag you down with him , Sending to you xx

You have had far better advice on here than I could offer but I couldn't just read and leave .
Good luck

Tell your sci-fi fan to arrange to sell his collection through the right channels to maximise the price he gets. Give him a time limit and say that after that you'll take it to a car boot sale instead. Poor you, what a sci-fantasist you married!
Plenty of good advice on here, good luck, ?

ivanova5 I agree with Lilyflower. do not pay off his debts. Go through the Citizens Advice Bureau and attend an interview with him about his debts and how he will manage to get rid of them. then help hi9m follow the steps advised.

If you think towards the end of the the repayments he has done well you might just pay off the final £1,000 but not before.

this article tells you about debts between married couples.
www.theguardian.com/money/2010/nov/03/liable-husbands-debts

But you can learn more at the CAB. Good Luck.

Stepchange has already been mentioned on here, they are brilliant & will go through a budget with you, however be aware that they will want to take into account all savings, household income & expenditure. Better course of action would be to make him contact credit card company (with you present) & explain he can't keep up repayments, they normally offer an arrangement, usually for a set period of time to be reviewed, this will mean that they will "freeze" the interest - but he will have to keep to this & they will cancel card so he can't spend on it anymore (even if he has details stored on website). Make sure your finances are separate from his even if you have to open a new Bank Account for yourself.

It must be so difficult if he won't address the problem & burying his head in the sand

Good luck & don't "bail him out" with savings or inheritance - his problem he needs to face up to it

I too would suggest he transfers the balance to a card with 0% interest and maintains the payments he is making now then sells as much of his purchases as possible to clear the debt. Does he actually use these things or is it just the buzz of buying he likes?

Some excellent advice on here ....especially SEPARATE bank accounts ....Debt counselling and the setting up of a repayment plan. Is the credit card company threatening CCJ for unpaid debts ? (very common now, and you are not always told !). DO NOT use your savings to rescue him.

This may sound harsh, but it is the only way. Would he prefer to have to live on his own in a rented flat ? you could ASK him that ...see what his reaction is. With separate accounts you would be in charge of your own money.

In my case, my first husband was a compulsive gambler ....he had a really good, well paid job as a director of a reinsurance broker at Lloyds of London. He earned a six figure salary. He spent a nine figure salary .....not fun ! In the end, I phoned his senior directors and told them (he was, apparently, about to be dismissed because of dodgy accounting on his part)....the directors summoned me and him and set up, in front of him, a separate bank account in my sole name, and transferred all his salary and bonuses into that ! Happy he was not ! We had a lovely house, a daughter at private school, two cars, etc etc etc ..... and I took over all the debts, loans, et al ....I paid off the debts, bought new furniture for the house, etc ...but it did not stop him threatening me every Friday night (when I went food shopping) that if I did not get him 300 pounds cash just for him, and hand it over, that he would beat me up (he did, sometimes ....but not seriously ...broken ribs, broken finger ! ..but as I was working for a divorce lawyer at the time, I took photos of the injuries, went to the doc to get him to attest to the injuries, kept a file of all the letters, debts, CCJ.s et (in my filing cabinet at work !) ....in the end, he ran off (good !) with a local barmaid ....I sold the house, got half of the insurance policy monies, and moved 200 miles away ! Result ! a couple of years later, I had a phone call from the woman asking me why I didn't tell her he was a gambler !!! by then he had lost his job (stealing or converting money !) ....lost the large old vicarage he bought (I don't know how ....think she used some of her money ) ....ended up in homeless hostel, had a further 6 children .....then had two heart attacks ...have no idea where he is now ...think he is still alive !!

My mother used to say The Mills of God grind exceeding slow but sure !...not a religious person, but my, was she right !

Also ...watch your household goods if you go down the separate bank account road ....my ex used to take my daughter's toys, clothes, all our wedding presents, anything that was sellable, and sell them at car boot sales (without me seeing him go out at 06.00am on a Sunday !)...he even took bottles of drink from the drinks cabinet (I kid you not !) bought a book of raffle tickets, and flogged the tickets in the pub ........I could go on, but I am sure you have read enough !!

Bon chance !

Ivanova 5 I sympathise with you, I wrote a few months ago, about my shopaholic Husband, and received many kind words and advice, but I must tell everyone who read my forum,unfortunately my Husband has now bought a Motorhome which he has threatened to do for a while, he cant help it as my friend said "what will he want next, a boat, helicopter", the mind boggles, he just wants to SPEND all the time, at the moment he is so contented with this thing outside on the drive, sorry, but had to get this off my chest, good luck Ivanova 5

As someone has already suggested Step Change are a brilliant organisation. They sort out the debts and work out a repayment plan - they can usually sort out having the interest stopped. They do not charge a fee but you make your payment to them so they earn interest on your money before passing it on to the credit card company. But cancelling credit card is a must or it will, as others have said, just start all over again. I've seen it happen.

So sorry you're having to deal with this. Are you sure that he doesn't have other credit cards and/or an overdraft? I am inclined to agree with other posters that he must experience the unpleasent consequences of running up unaffordable debts, if he is to avoid doing it again. It isn't necessarily that he wouldn't care, but that type compulsive spending is very tempting for people and tends only to be broken by learning the hard way. If he has run-up debts elsewhere, your savings could just fall into a black hole without sorting the problem.

I suggest talking to him again, and looking together at his details on the credit rating site, Experion. For a small fee, you can see exactly what forms of credit he has, how much is owed on each, what types of payments he makes (minumum, full, partial) and if he is in arears with any account. Remember, if he has damaged his own credit rating, he has also damaged yours. This does not only effect any loans or credit cards you may wish to apply for, but also little things like applying for a new mobile phone contract.

Poor you (no pun intended). I'm wondering if him leaving it on view in the kitchen was because he wanted you to find it.

There's already loads of really good advice on here. Definitely destroy his credit cards.

Wishing you good luck in sorting this outl

Good advice ChattyKathy.

how do you clear it?

I agree with Synonymous

He sells all his memorabilia and pays off the credit card.

Put your savings into a cash ISA, Premium Bonds, whatever you like in your own name or he will get through that too.
He has to face up to his problem and responsibilities. You won't help him by paying it off for him.

PS Separate your finances!

Ivanova this is indeed something for which he has to take responsibility. He, with your backing, must cancel all cards, sell off stuff he has bought with someone else's money and repay the card. Learn to eBay etc.

You must not touch your inheritance for this purpose but keep it for special things of which your mother would have approved. It sounds as if you have walked this route before so clearly things are not going to change unless he faces up to his responsibilities. If you pay it off this time you will be back to square one again in no time.

There is a way to not use your savings to pay this bill. Apply for a balance transfer to a 0% credit card, just make sure it's paid before the end of the term (out of his wages obviously!!!) Money Saving Expert has lots of advice.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/balance-transfer-credit-cards

A few years ago I paid a close friends debt (she was becoming suicidal) Big mistake. Within a year she was back where she started. Spending money does seem to be an addiction with some folk and they need to face it themselves. Nobody can do it for them.

Agree with all the previous comments. If it were me, I would want to see the actual bills from the credit card company, to find out what exactly he has been buying. You need to make sure that he is not 'addicted' to something, otherwise he will want to keep spending money on that thing and could well be driven to find other ways to keep spending. If he has bought items with a saleable value, then insist that he sells them to at least recoup some of the money. He needs to have the major input into sorting out the debt, not expect you to wave a magic wand and be the one to suffer. Sorry if I have been too outspoken, but you need to find a way forward that will really solve the issue. My husband also has no idea of dealing with money and I try to keep a close eye on what he is spending. There are ways through this, be strong!

Definitely separate your accounts and maybe a chat with your bank about this, maybe they can offer some advice

He could sell it all again and he might make a profit?

Talk to one of the debt charities and get that interest frozen so he is paying the bill down. Step ChangeI think is one that can help or CAB.

Good luck

I tend to agree with Lilyflower, you should not be using your inheritance to pay for this wasteful spending. If it had been for something necessary or which benefited you both I would be more sympathetic. Financial matters between couples are a minefield, you have my sympathy.

Just a thought, Martin Lewis' 'Moneyfacts' website has some brilliant sharing platforms for people trying to get out of debt packed with actual, practical advice and non-judgemental support. Google 'Martinsmoneyfacts' and at the top of the page where the menu sits, click 'Forums' and then 'Debt Free Wannabee'.