help and advice, please

What sort of stuff is he buying Ivanhova? Or is it a gambling account?

He collects things - I'm thinking it's mostly Sci Fi memorabilia - there's a lot of it in the house. There wasn't a breakdown in the letter

With a small income and a £8000 debt life isn't going to be very pleasant in the near future I wish you well.

He might be addicted to Internet shopping; it is very seductive.

Beammeup - that's so true. I've just had a go at my husband, he's forever getting 'presents', 3 today already.
Ivanova that sounds serious. Apart from the present sum, the interest rate on credit cards is very high. I think you need to do something drastic like taking away his card.

ps - how do you clear it? It depends who the credit card is with. I believe a lot of creditors will give you better terms if you arrange an interview. Pay off in small amounts and maybe adjust the interest rate.
Have they stopped his credit?
Our friends here (France) had a similar bill with Barclays UK.
French banks have much lower interest rates and they managed to transfer the debt to France and get a low interest loan to pay it off. But to do that I think you would have to live here.

I don't know much about it but some years ago I met a woman who went on spending sprees as a result of her Bipolar.

I have a strong objection to paying interest on anything other than a mortgage. When we had been married less than 2 years I discovered we were paying interest on a credit card and decided to take it in hand. I had to take out a bank loan which took 2 years to pay off and we have never paid interest on a credit card since. Can you do the same?

We find it works better if I deal with all financial matters and DH does other important things like deciding who should be the next England football manager! Sorry about the flippancy, I realise this is very serious for you.

Trouble is if you not clear a credit card every month they charge interest on the interest! For twenty years we have cleared our bill each month finding a CC very convenient for our daily buying. One time when we were away I was late paying the bill and was charged interest and a late payment fee - fair enough - so I paid all monies showing - then found interest on the next bill - seems interest is accrued daily and the few days between the bill and them getting the money they slapped on more interest. The way I sorted it was to pay in several pounds more than the bill and this took care of the interest problem. Have not had any problem since as only use the card I can see on line and just pay well before the required date.

Ivanova5 Can you separate your own money from his? I would with that rate of spending. If he is spending like that I would suggest he has something of an addiction.

I know if my OH did that, and he is a hoarder, I would do what I could to keep my money separate. We have separate bank accounts but if it came to the crunch we could use each others.
It is about time we properly shared our passwords for them.

But aren't married people responsible for eachother's debts?
I think they are here.

Taking the card away would not work as he could still use the details for online purchases. The card needs to be cancelled.

Right – well, I’ve had the conversation with him – and he tells me that he doesn’t owe that much, it’s how much he’s got left before his credit limit is reached. That made me think that I am being really stupid, so I fetched the bill from the shelf and pointed it out to him. I’ve had to stay really calm, it was like talking to a 5 year old. He hadn’t realised. I hadn’t realised what an idiot he is. As a previous poster suggested, internet shopping, for rubbish. Anyway, I’ve asked him why he hadn’t replied to the letters that had been sent? Paying £197 a month when the interest on the card is £186 a month means that you’re paying £11 a month of the bloody bill means you’ll be paying forever. We do have some savings, which will cover this, but I can’t believe that he’s such a complete and utter fuckwit, or that the money from my mums house sale should be used for his stupidity. I’m so angry and upset as much over his bloody stupidity as anything else. Thank you all for your kind words, and replies. If I do let him have the money from the savings for this, I will be taking a small amount out for a holiday for me. Meanwhile, I’m going to have a coffee, and some chocolate, and try to calm down, and if this doesn’t make sense I’m sorry!

I know that it is a lot of money that he owes but is there no way that he can repay you slowly from his earnings? That is the only way he will learn, if he personally has to do without.

Thankfully you saw the letter lying around and nipped it in the bud or it could have been £20,000 in a few months with little to show for it.

Enjoy your holiday!

And make sure the card ceases to be usable or you will be back to square one in a few weeks.

Have you actually seen the goods that he has purchased? Do you know what they are?- or indeed where they are?

I find this mind-boggling that he was getting thousands of pounds worth of gear delivered and it did not seem a bit strange? - the delivery men must have been having a field day! Did you not notice this bonanza of stuff arriving!?

He really has been an idiot - I do feel for you.

Oh dear this is a big sum to disappear I m not surprised you are hopping mad. Only guessing but was it getting delivered to his work or as Luckygirl says wouldn't you have seen the parcels arriving or was it just a few hundred on goods and all the rest is interest I love your use of thev term fuckwit it does just sum this up really well
Good luck anyway

The problem is that it is so easy to acquire another credit card so you must be on the lookout for that.

I'm glad you've had the courage to make him face up to it, but what a nightmare.
There seems to be an epidemic of huge personal debts in the UK, and not everyone understands the financial responsibilities involved. And how much the banks and other financial institutions are making out of us. They want us to keep borrowing more.
As I mentioned above, our friends had the same problem (£10,000.00) but managed to find a way to clear it. And I know another family with the same kind of debt.

It does not sound as if he has really learned his lesson so I would not, under any circumstances, pay his foolish, self indulgent debts, with the money from your mother's house sale. Unless he suffers by having to go without himself he will just think the slate is magically clean and start again. After all, you said at the beginning of the post, that you had paid 'outstanding bills' with your retirement lump sum. He is using you as his ATM.

He could try to apply for a 0% interest card as there are several with long payback dates. Pay the debt off with that and then use the payments that go towards interest on the cards he currently owes money to build up a sum to pay back the principle owed on these cards.

There are difficulties with this method. Firstly, he MUST stop spending on rubbish and use the saved cash to pay back his debt or he will make the situation worse not better. Secondly, the whole debt has to be paid back in the set period for the 0% interest as after that the interest rates go sky high and the debt could spiral again.

The hardest thing he will have to do is keep you in the loop. He has been foolish and deceitful and you need to be fully informed of his financial incomings and outgoings.

And again, do NOT pay his debts or you will be doing it forever.

Just a thought, Martin Lewis' 'Moneyfacts' website has some brilliant sharing platforms for people trying to get out of debt packed with actual, practical advice and non-judgemental support. Google 'Martinsmoneyfacts' and at the top of the page where the menu sits, click 'Forums' and then 'Debt Free Wannabee'.

I tend to agree with Lilyflower, you should not be using your inheritance to pay for this wasteful spending. If it had been for something necessary or which benefited you both I would be more sympathetic. Financial matters between couples are a minefield, you have my sympathy.

Talk to one of the debt charities and get that interest frozen so he is paying the bill down. Step ChangeI think is one that can help or CAB.

Good luck

He could sell it all again and he might make a profit?

Definitely separate your accounts and maybe a chat with your bank about this, maybe they can offer some advice

Agree with all the previous comments. If it were me, I would want to see the actual bills from the credit card company, to find out what exactly he has been buying. You need to make sure that he is not 'addicted' to something, otherwise he will want to keep spending money on that thing and could well be driven to find other ways to keep spending. If he has bought items with a saleable value, then insist that he sells them to at least recoup some of the money. He needs to have the major input into sorting out the debt, not expect you to wave a magic wand and be the one to suffer. Sorry if I have been too outspoken, but you need to find a way forward that will really solve the issue. My husband also has no idea of dealing with money and I try to keep a close eye on what he is spending. There are ways through this, be strong!