Granddaughter doesn’t seem to like me

Midnightblue - please, please, please don’t feel like you do. I have scoliosis too. I don’t think any of my GC have noticed it. I don’t wear tight clothes. Anyway, that’s besides the point. Your granddaughter is going through a face, that’s all. I am the paternal grandma, but I have never felt any less loved than their mum’s mum. She is young, slim, blonde and beautiful. I am the opposite. Children do not notice these things. My daughter’s friend has a much more obvious scoliosis. Her grandchildren adore her.
If it makes you feel any better, my little granddaughters prefer their Grandpa (daughter-in-law’s father) more than their Grandpa. I am divorced, so competition 😂

Try asking her sister in a jokey way. My friend's grandson told me he hated me - that was when he was about 7.I laughed it off as just a silly phase which it turned out to be as hes such a lovely teenager now but I do understand why you feel hurt .I was but I hid it. Least said soonest mended with moody children,It certainly wont be your scoliosis.

Phase, not face

You poor soul. It may be to do with your scoliosis.
You say that she is the only one who "doesn't like you"
Could she have been scared by a fairy story?
She may be ultra sensitive.
I would talk to your DS and someone, not you, can talk to her and explain your condition and how much you need her to be kind

When I was a child in the 1950s there were war injured veterans around who I was irrationally afraid of until I knew better.

Get her parents to ask why she doesn’t like you, be prepared for the answer though, it may be something you dont like or agree with but it is the way she feels.

i don't think children should be asked for hugs or kisses.
in what way was she rude to you xmas eve.

I agree with Theexwife ask the parents...out of the GC's earshot of course. Be prepared to accept whatever the reason is.
And be prepared to change something if necessary and possible.

Till then ignore the behaviour. For heavens sake don't ask for a kiss or hug. No adult should do that. And try not to get upset. Be the adult. She is the child and eight is very young. For the time being ignore her as much as is reasonable so you don't see her scowling at you. Hope it turns out happily. It is probably a phase.

OP, I doubt it is anything to do with your condition. All children go through phases.

Can you think of anything at all that might have changed in the last few months? Or something, no matter how trivial, you may have inadvertently said or done? Have you moved a photograph of her to a less prominent place for example? Children get some very strange notions into their heads.

What did she say to you on Christmas Eve? Would that give you any clues to her thought process? Do you feel comfortable sharing your concerns with your DS or DIL, obviously treading carefully.

Please don’t take offence. Just a checklist:

Bad breath?
B.O.?
Overpowering perfume?

Sometimes it can be something easily remedied. Rule those out first. Then ask others (not your granddaughter yourself) to enquire. Accept the answer. Back off a bit in the interim - don’t ask for hugs and kisses. No pressure. Just smile.

It might well be a phase that’ll pass. I hope so. Please let us know how things go.

Definitely talk to your son and see if he has any ideas as to what might be going on. What happened Christmas Day?

Other than that, stop asking for physical affection. If she wants to hug or kiss you, she’ll let you know.

One of my DGDs was like this for a while - I just ignored it and continued to treat her as I always would. Several months later she is back to her warm loving self.

I always think it is important in any situation where someone cools off towards you to not jump to the conclusion that it is something to do with you - we don't know what else is going on in their lives.

Whatever it was that made her a bit off for a while, she soon moved on and I think it might have been helpful to her that, whatever her turmoil was, she knew that I and the rest of her family would be as normal.

Thanks for your replies.
I know really that I shouldn’t have asked for a hug, I’ve just done it a couple of times when DH has got one when they arrive here. I won’t again.

Christmas Eve was trivial really, it was DS telling her off on my account that led to the scowling and silent treatment. It was partly because it was Christmas Eve that I was upset.

I have already considered what you say urmastongran, so I put clean clothes on before we meet, I don’t usually wear perfume and DH says my breath doesn’t smell, but I’ll still try a mouthwash and breath spray before we meet!

She and her sister have both asked why I have a “big lump” on my back. I just say it has gone wonky, and they seemed satisfied with that at the time. Though if they ask again I might explain a bit more.

I don’t want to mention it to DS or Dil yet, they have enough on their plate at the moment.

Fingers crossed it is just a phase that will pass.

I expect it is just a phase. Eight is a time when children are becoming more aware of everything. I have scoliosis and a slightly bent back, I do remember going to the Panto years ago with the then small GC and the witch had a bent back (I didn't then) which was commented on a lot by one small GC. I wonder if DS and DIL had what they thought was a private conversation about your health and it accidentally got picked up by your GD.
I am sorry you were upset but hopefully it will pass.

but what was the telling off by your son about, on xmas eve ?

Your scoliosis might be the problem. If you can find an opportunity to explain about it rather than brush it off with " it has gone wonky" I would consider doing that . Children are astute at that age and they do notice and maybe wonder and worry. So if possible do try and explain about it (in a light hearted way ) and see if that helps . She may be a bit scared but afraid to voice her feelings, so be honest with her.
As a child I was expected to kiss a great aunt who had a slight moustache, I remember feeling very anxious about that ! So sad because she was a wonderful and kindly lady.
Your GD will appreciate your honesty. If that fails , be patient it will pass . Don't take it to heart. 💐

Children are intrigued by medical problems - they loved all the medical equipment my late OH needed - and his catheter was a joy! - the bag is full Mama!

Do you have an x-ray of the scoliosis? - they would be intrigued by that. Or other pics to show them what is going on.

my son never liked his gran, my mother, started as a toddler, he is an only child and grew up quick, he is 37 now and still does not like her, he is always polite and would help her if needed, the only explanation i have ever got is he does not like her as a person, he is a loving and tactile person but for some reason it is forced when it come to her. maybe your scoliosis frightens your gd, she is probably not sure why your back is like that, as others have said, you could sit down with mum and her and talk about your scoliosis and see if that helps. i hope your gd is just going through a phase and everything works out well for you.

Ok wellbeck, I will be specific about Christmas Eve.
We were having lunch and I asked her to pass me something on the table. She was reluctant at first, but when she did, she said, “Why don’t you pass me my drink”. It was right next to her, and it wasn’t a query, more. retort. See, I said it was trivial to begin with!

I have thought about facial hair as well as well shelflife, no moustache, but I do have to pluck out the odd chin hair.

I haven’t got an x-ray copy of my back, but I do have an anatomy book I could use if necessary. They love Operation Ouch on TV, so that could be ok.

I was frightened of disability when I was a child, so that’s why it’s occurred to me.

Is whatever her Mum and Dad are up to their eyes in, which is preventing you from asking them what the matter is, affecting your GD?

helterSkelter , they’ve just moved house, and having to do a lot of sorting out, both in demanding jobs, and have to fit their
shifts in with the girls. They are exhausted by 9pm.

Common problems I know, but to compound it, DS has secondary progressive MS. He hasn’t been able to have face to face appointments with either the nurse or consultant since Covid. They only see new patients at their first appointment now.

He has had to push for a review, as he was only told via a letter to his GP that his MS has progressed, and his treatment didn’t change at all. Anyway, after pushing for a review, he has now been put on a new medication.

They are concerned about the future and he has nag for every
bit of advice from services. I feel so sorry for people who can’t find their way round the system. He has an stimulator to help him walk, but also has a stick for when he has to walk any distance, which isn’t that far. It was heartbreaking on holiday to see him stuck in some rock pools and DH helping him out.

He can’t do some things with the girls he used to, but they understand.

Sorry to get off the subject but just clarifying why I don’t want to bother them too much about granddaughter..

Now knowing what they have to cope with I would not ask them to become involved.

Maybe if you are ever alone with your granddaughter you could say in a ,kind manner, that you have a feeling that she doesn’t like you and could she tell you why so that you could make things better but whatever she feels is ok and that you still love her anyway.

She was so rude to me on Christmas Eve afternoon, I almost cried, and wanted to leave

We were having lunch and I asked her to pass me something on the table. She was reluctant at first, but when she did, she said, “Why don’t you pass me my drink”

I mean this kindly, but if that's the whole story of what happened, your reaction is completely out of proportion.

That's just a small over-stimulated because of Christmas (even without all the other scary things going on in her life) child, testing some boundaries. It warrants no more than rolling your eyes, or a joke about how you're too mean, or even just passing the drink and grinning - not you wanting to cry and leave.

There will be much worse to come as they get into puberty, and push the boundaries more and more, and you need perhaps to develop some robust coping mechanisms.

Thank you theexwife and siope.
I did admit before that the incident itself was trivial, and I didn’t react, it was just the response she had after DS told her off that bothered me (scowls and not talking to me that afternoon and since
Right or wrong it did upset me, though I haven’t taken offense
at your advice siope.

I’ll have to learn to ignore, but I’m just sorry about it all.

And for the past few months.