I’M SEFISH

Why should you want too look after a toddler and a new born?

No, you are not selfish. Your D and s.i.l. are the ones who are selfish as well as being totally irresponsible, bringing another child into the world that they can't afford.

People take you at your own valuation of yourself - you need to up yours pronto as she’s the worst example of a child being prioritised over your partner her whole life!

Smileless2012

Why should you want too look after a toddler and a new born?

No, you are not selfish. Your D and s.i.l. are the ones who are selfish as well as being totally irresponsible, bringing another child into the world that they can't afford.

As well as having a month long holiday that they obviously couldn’t afford.

How very irresponsible of them. In your shoes I would be beyond furious. I wonder if this outbuilding is legally fit for human habitation and isn’t breaching planning rules. I would be considering giving them notice regardless of whether the outbuilding can be occupied - the outbuilding will be overcrowded (probably already is). You should not be expected to be available for child care. Presumably they’re expecting handouts too. Don’t even have money to look after one child, and deliberately having another. Beggars belief.

Oh yes, the holiday too Juliet.

You are not selfish at all Kelstemialil that honour goes to your daughter and family.
I do think however that you are enabling them in their entitled life. Time for a reality check, the accommodation does not sound suitable now for a family of four, you need to give them a date for moving out. Also discuss with your husband what child care you can realistically offer given your other commitments and be clear with your family about it.
I understand you love your daughter and grandchildren but you are not doing them any favours by enabling them like this. Talk to the Citizens Advice Centre etc about a way forward. Good luck.

Kelstemialil I feel very sad for you as well.

Have you made enquiries at your local housing office as to whether they can apply for a house or flat as they're living in unsuitable accommodation?

Also find out what benefits they would be entitled to as it doesn't sound like they're earning very much.

Some adult children just don't appreciate any help you give, and it seems the more you give the more they take you for granted ☹️

Throw them out!..or break it to them gently that they need to leave...they'll realise how much you've been supporting them. I would hope they have been paying you some rent!
You probably don't want to upset them anymore than is necessary but its them that need to stand on their own two feet and be the responsible ones... not you!

As others have said, if you evict them then they will probably be entitled to be housed (in temporary accommadation) by the LA as they have young children. So its not like you are throwing them out onto the street. In your position I would only have allowed them back on a temporary basis.

You are NOT selfish nor unreasonable!

Your daughter is both!

You’re doing your best to help them both and they seem extremely ungrateful and also utterly irresponsible.

A lot depends on the relationship you had before this happened. Were you close? Did you see each other often? Did they do things for you? What about his parents? Can't they help?

They both sound spectacularly entitled to me at first glance, with no idea at all that other people have their own responsibilities, and don't have the time or energy to take on theirs as well.

You have been too kind and that's perfectly understandable as you love your family. It's time for you all to get together and have a serious conversation. Your daughter and her husband have to make enquires about getting help. Looking into housing and benefits they might be entitled too because of their low earnings.
I consider them to be very irresponsible having been on a holiday they could not afford. Planning a baby and expecting you to take on the responsibility of child care.
It's time they acted like the adults they are supposed to be and stopped relying on bank of mum and dad.

Hi Kelstemialil,
This kind of stuff utterly baffles me. In what galaxy did they take a month's holiday in Brazil when they were £9K in debt in the first place ?
Don't even start on a planned pregnancy when they are expecting you partially to keep them.
What part of acting like Grown-Ups don't they understand?
They are very very lucky to have you as Grandma.
No you certainly are not selfish.

Not selfish at all !! What on earth are they thinking planning a second child, living in cramped conditions (at your generosity and expecting you to look after THEIR children!!!! )
A months holiday in Brazil - it beggers belief. Talk to anyone who can help , CAB , social services . Your DD and SIL should not have put you in this position, you have a part time job and a teenage daughter - your youngest daughter should be a priority. I recognize how difficult this must be for you but enough is definitely enough . Tell them this can not continue,they must take steps to sort out their own mess . Goodness me you have already done more than enough . Give them a date for their marching orders. Get you and your partners life back , this is beyond ridiculous.

Your SIL needs to get a job and start taking responsibility for his family. How can they seriously talk about a planned pregnancy when they have no regular income and unsuitable housing.. I'm sorry to say that you are enabling this situation. Tell them very clearly that you will not be looking after the 2 children and that they need to stop depending on you.. they really are taking the proverbial

Are you still actually on speaking terms after the outburst? Unfortunately, your DH etc sound so entitled and ungrateful that you may well find yourself estranged, but I think you should point out that their living arrangements now aren’t suitable for a growing family and perhaps offer to help find something to rent, look at any benefits available to them and suss out some daycare - just a bit of googling would be enough in my opinion.
However, if things are really bad, I’d just give them notice and leave them to it!

you need to give them notice to quit, in writing, so they can apply to the local council for priority consideration.
don't enter into discussions or recriminations.
just be business-like and take action.
good luck.

Honestly! just shocking, not you, them No of course you aren't selfish, don't doubt yourself in that respect, you've gone more than the extra mile and you already have other commitments. It's often amazing to read about situations such as yours where it doesn't seem to occur to grown up children that their own parents have brought up them and possible siblings and may not want to do that all over again.

Sorry for you Hope you are able to sort out a satisfactory solution that lessens the impact on your life.

Mmmm 🤔

Your DD may have just had an angry outburst. I'm sure she doesn't really think you are selfish. Don't take it to heart. She should really apologise to you .

And you took them out for dinner on Mother’s Day??

As they only had £5 to last three weeks … and a one year old to feed …

Another new poster, not returned yet, another odd tale. 🎣

Mmmm …