should the children be more important than the relationship

I have a friend who always signed her Christmas cards, Susan smith and John and before the DD grew up it was Susan Smith, lorna and john.
btw, not the real names

I think you are playing devil's advocate . You cannot really believe what you are saying.There is no sense in it whatsoever.

New name but the op still enjoying winding us up ?

greenfinch I most certainly believe what I say. I don't write stuff that I don't believe in. I do think that maybe the odd overnight stay with GP is ok for the little ones but any longer and they need their mums. Why should the parents want time to themselves, they are a family and should remain so.

I think it is lovely for the children to have time with loving grandparents. Mine stayed with grandparents from a very young age and it was just home from home on both sides. They then went on to stay happily with friends, school visits etc. The saddest child that I came across was an 11yr old who was so apprehensive about the school residential that it was making her ill and this was all because her mother had never let her stay anywhere without her. Luckily she managed it and it did wonders for her self confidence, but it was all so unnecessary and her mother's fault that she was so worried.
If you know some dysfunctional men there is no need to think they are all the same. I adored my grandfather when I was a toddler and apparently was his shadow- luckily my parents didn't have to be glued to me at all times!
The children are gone in what seems a very short time, looking back, but you are on your own (hopefully) with your partner for decades after that and it makes sense to keep the relationship fresh with time alone, especially if you have family only too willing to have the children for a night, or weekend.
If you are rushed off to hospital it is nice to know that your children are happily with someone else. I remember when my brother was born and my mother was rushed off to hospital in the middle of the night, I woke up to find my aunt instead but was quite relaxed with that, having often stayed with her.
And my husband is not 'like a big toddler'! ( Quite probably because his parents had a relaxed attitude about him having close relationships with other adults when a child- much healthier IMO)
You only get men behaving like big toddlers if the parents didn't let them grow up!
Give them roots and give them wings. It is a gradual process and a weekend with grandparents is a great way to start.
Since it is your DD going away she obviously doesn't think that her mother needed to spend every minute with her until she was 7yrs!

She has certainly wound me up!

I bet Lorna couldn't wait to leave home if that is true!

Terribly unhealthy for the poor child.

Children's needs have to be met, that's the deal when you become a parent. I don't think though, that it's necessary to choose who comes first. Mum and dad work together as a team to create their family. If a child has a bond with a grandparent, i don't think it's wrong to leave them.

I can see why the OP is single.

If you love your children you let them go and that means not clinging on to them and preventing them from standing on their own two feet.They love staying with others for a week or two.

Both of my grandsons, when they were little, used to cry for their mum at bedtime. They were happy as Larry during the day. It was upsetting. You can't teach a three year old to stand on on his/her own feet.

Children are all different. My twin grandchildren have never cried for their Mum at bedtime.Perhaps it is because they had each other.

My middle one was begging to have a night alone with Granny, like his older brother.
I think it so sad when the mother becomes the 'senior' parent and never lets the father have time alone, or time without issuing instructions. They are equal parents and the mother should be able to go off for a couple of hours from the start and simply leave him to it.
You can bet that poor Lorna and her dad never got some time to themselves!

I didn't have to teach a 3 year old to 'stand on their own feet' - they didn't cry- Granny was second home. I was just as happy with my grandad as my parents- it is where you feel secure and loved.

Absolutely!

Congratulations.

Oh dear!

I think it could be because my two have always been so ridiculously happy with their mum and dad. They have such a lovely life, it's hard to drag them away. I'm happy with that.

DH and I both put our children's needs first. I had a secure childhood because my parents put my needs first.
Those needs don't include being glued to your child for the first 7 yrs!
OP's DD obviously doesn't think like her mother, despite being the recipient- probably why she is doing it differently.

I think you are taking a very narrow view, Ethel. Your way may have suited you but you should think carefully before coercing your daughter into the same mould. When I had my 2nd DD she was in intensive care for 5 days and I had to stay with her in hospital instead of being home the next day as planned. Where would that have left my DD1 if she had never spent any time without me? As it was she was perfectly happy with her Dad and her GPs who made a great fuss of her. Likewise we had DGS to stay whilst his Mum was in hospital with his new born sister and again when Mum and Dad were home alone together - not having fun but laid low with the flu. I also looked after DGS for a few nights when DD was pregnant, not sleeping well and (like*Bags*'s friend) trying to stop breast feeding. The strategy worked - DGS returned home happy to take his bedtime milk from a cup!

My own parents and the In-Laws were not in a position to cover for us to have a weekend break but my sister & BIL would look after our 2 if we had to go away to a Wedding/Funeral and we did the same for them adding their 2 to our family for a few days. Later our two families sometimes went on holiday together so that the 4 cousins had great fun playing together (they are still close) and the parents could have night about going out as a couple. My 2 DDs have continued this pattern of sharing childcare occasionally often o'night as both DDs sometimes have to work away from home for a day or 2.

I think this is a particularly good set up for the DGD who is an only child as she has the benefit of growing up along with her cousins as part of a larger family unit.

These are some of the practical reasons why I think it is important for children to become accustomed to spending time away from their Mother/Parents from a young age. I must also say that I find our idea of a pecking order within a family rather peculiar. Our family has always been a team affair with children, parents, granparents, aunties and uncles all contributing what & when they can and receiving help, support and care when the need it. Is that not what families are for?

Of course mine were totally miserable at home!!

Well said Granny23 We have a team affair too without these odd pecking orders.

I am off to bed, but if it had all been so wonderful for OP's DD she would be copying her mother!

Mine too !!

I think families these days can become quite insular.

'our idea' in the last para should, of course, be 'your idea'.