Unfit and eats unhealthily

Presumably he wasn’t much different when you married him? You won’t change him and unless you want to become his carer I would suggest getting out while you can. Things will only get worse, to the point that he’s totally immobile.

Maybe he enjoys the unhealthy foods to the point that at his age he sees no benefit in sacrificing them to live longer.
Your post was about all that he had to give up and work he needed to put in, maybe try with a few smaller steps and incentivise him make him feel its worthwhile to change? Try a few food swaps so not giving up his favourites but swapping them for a healthier version and gradually introducing healthy food

If he shops and cooks for himself then it’s a problem that you cant solve, it’s up to him to try and lose weight when he wants to.

However, if you do the shopping and cooking then stop buying unhealthy food.

Thank you for your comments. We do still travel quite a bit and it’s quite noticeable when we’re away from home that he eats unhealthy food and consequently feels quite unwell . It’s a lot easier when we’re at home as I do cook healthy meals and he manages to avoid all the bad stuff and he feels so much better . Neither of us wants to stop travelling! Guess I’ll just have to accept him as he is and as you say maybe he just doesn’t want to change at nearly 80. Change has to come from within and he does try very hard when we’re at home bless him.

If he eats unhealthy things when you're away and then feels unwell, perhaps you could pick the most likely ingredient at fault and gently say to him "Do you think that "x" doesn't suit your digestion as well as it used to?" And hint that he might try leaving that out to see if the rest of the food suits him OK. It might get him thinking!

I used to love tomatoes, but anything - even baked beans - with tomato or tomato sauce upsets my stomach now.

it's no good nagging a person.
i'd resist that too, on principle.
he's not a child, to be told what to do.
try to be positive in suggestions, not hectoring, or just leave it.

Maybe he just feels at 80 he should and will do exactly what he likes! As you’ve only been together a relatively short time can we assume he was like this when you met? It’s no good trying to change people, especially when they’re 80!

Germanshepherdsmum

Presumably he wasn’t much different when you married him? You won’t change him and unless you want to become his carer I would suggest getting out while you can. Things will only get worse, to the point that he’s totally immobile.

That,s a bit cruel gsm! The op is concerned about her DH,s diet,not whether she should divorce him!

Delia22

I smiled when I read GSM comment, she’s so blunt and to the point!

Maybe too blunt! As I,ve said before on a different thread, if people have nothing informative or supportive to say maybe say nothing at all!

I think you will find my post informative - the OP will become her husband’s carer. She is 68, he 80, quite overweight and can’t walk far.

Germanshepherdsmum

I think you will find my post informative - the OP will become her husband’s carer. She is 68, he 80, quite overweight and can’t walk far.

You do have a very valid point GSM, but anyone of us could become infirm or have an accident or a new debilitating physical or mental health condition, are we all doomed to have our partners leave us?

Some people are willing to be carers, others not.

I think my DH would say that the difference between 68 and 80 is huge, as he is finding out. I think we do eat healthily, mostly home cooked but time does just start to catch up with you. We have always walked and exercised, DH is slightly overweight but by 80 it is difficult to lose specially in Winter. Do you ever cook for him? I am sure some 80 year old males cook healthily for themselves but not all. Of course you could cut and run but do you have to look on yourself as a carer surely this is married life. What attracted you to him?

There is a big difference between 68 and 80. As Cossy says maybe he thinks at his age he can eat and drink what he likes.

Actually, I have noticed when we are on holiday abroad that there are plenty of trim, trendy women with very large partners/husbands with big, bulging bellies and often sore looking feet and legs.

Germanshepherdsmum

Some people are willing to be carers, others not.

No one marries thinking that one day one or the other may be their partners carer in later life. Neither would most people who marry for love cut and run when the going gets tough! If they did marry,remember....vows,for better or worse,in sickness and in health!!

They weren’t young when they married, he would have been 70.

Each to their own Delia. Everyone is entitled to live their own life.

Still applies .Marriage isn,t just for the "good times" . It,s supposed to be "till death do us part". Infirmity is not death!

Lead by example. Sounds as if you do. Perhaps do more?

Cook healthy low fat food, don't buy unhealthy junk foods?

Go on nice slow long walks together (not exercise, say walks)?

It’s interesting isn’t she gap relationships! My lovely dear stepdaughter is with a man 20 years older. It does worry us a bit, this year she’ll turn 40, he will be 60 and their shared son 10.

Soz Should read “ isn’t it, age gap relationships”

Please don’t preach, Delia. Everyone’s circumstances are different.

I agree Cossy, people don’t think how a big age difference will pan out as they get older.

Germanshepherdsmum

Presumably he wasn’t much different when you married him? You won’t change him and unless you want to become his carer I would suggest getting out while you can. Things will only get worse, to the point that he’s totally immobile.

I quite agree. I was widowed at 59, now late sixties, and would never consider remarrying as I would most likely become a carer for a man I barely know. It's quite a different matter when you've been happily married for decades and you grow old together (sadly I never had that privilege) but otherwise, no thanks.