Live webchat with Phyllida Law - Wednesday 13 March 1-2pm

testing

Macthewife

I love your hairs. It's so... well fab really. I keep being told I should cut mins now I am older. Has anyone said this to you?

Well, I wouldn't on any account get my hair cut. It's been this long for years . If you get a really good cut you have to go back every six weeks and the expense is frightful.

fruitloop

I read your book about your mother in law and now will read the one about your mother too. What sort of mother in law are you???

I don't suppose I'm the best judge. I'm terribly fond of my sons in law so that could help but as to men, I barely know which end up they are.

theMulberryTree

Hiya! I was interested to know what your grandchildren call you - granny? grandma? gran? nan? or something else?

No child can say Phyllida so I was always known as Fifi. Then I became Granny Fifi and my granddaughter lost her paternal grandmother and felt a bit bleak so she calls me Granny. Just Granny.

threesugars

Hi Phyllida,
So lovely to have you on Gransnet. I haven't yet read your book - is it very sad?What I wanted to ask is how much help or support you received from local authorities, as well as friends and relatives over this incredibly stressful time? Sometimes it's hard to know how to be helpful to someone who is in need of a hand. Do have any tips on things other people could have done for you (or did do for you) that made your life a bit easier?

That's a very good question, threesugars. My mum lived in a village, a little village, so it was a community and I've dedicated my last book to the Golden Girls , which was a nickname for remarkable women who came as helpers. The district nurse was a disappointment. She was on a time and motion study and she wouldn't stay for a cup of tea and a chat, which I happen to believe is the best medicine.

milliesmum

Also (can I have two questions?) do you think it's easier/harder to have your mother in law living with you rather than your own mother?

That's a terribly good question. I'll have to go into a darkened room with a lavender bag to answer it.
It's a whole different script, mothers and mothers in law. I've got a horrible suspicion it's easier with your mother in law because you create a completely different way of living. I'd go into details but that would be another book!

applepie

Hello. Obviously you're a very successful career woman - do you think grandparents have a 'duty' to help out with childcare? Do you sometimes wish you could play a more 'traditional' role as a grandma?

I'm not a successful career woman. The useful thing about actors is that they are often out of work so they spend more time at home than in the office.

Pollyanna

Hi, Has the knowledge of your mothers illness made you think twice about things or do you just plunge in anyway? I have missed seeing your performances in recent times but now I understand where you have been and hope to see you on the screen again soon.

I plunge. What else can one do? I'm getting a flying lesson next month.

feliccity

There was a thread on Gransnet recently about growing old disgracefully. What are your tips?

Oh, gin. I've had my first martini. You have to be a bit careful not to break both legs when your family are occupied in other spheres.

annemac101

My mother in law had dementia and often drove me crazy,but when we think back it started years before we thought it did and we put things down to her just being a bit weird. I'd like to ask if you think back did your mothers dementia start long before you realised it?

I do think back. I think it did. I think I've started. Names were impossible. Dr Esakowitz was known as Dr Sack of Bits. I think we all are terrified now because it is a huge subject. We'd never heard of dementia or Alzheimers when my mother 'slipped a bit'. Diagnosis is difficult. Don't look things up on the Internet and remember there's such a thing as being absent minded. If you go into a room and wonder what you're there for, go back to where you started and you'll get the clue.
Don't drink too many martinis, don't get overtired.

downwithcupcakes

You have two daughters who are in the same profession but one is more prominent than the other. Is that difficult and how do you manage it? (I am in a similar situation and it's fine because we're not the same people at home, but sometimes I do feel sorry for the one who has had the less stellar career).

The thing about my daughters is that they don't look at all like each other. One is a theatre bird, one is in film. But you're right, it's still dodgy.