Poor Kids

The saddest thing I saw once was a little boy of about 4 reaching up to hold his dad's hand when walking along the street. The dad hit his hand away and said " Stop that - you bloody little poof!". Its also sad because thats probably how those parents were treated themselves.

How sad that is. The children are missing out on so much fun and, without realising it, so are the parents. If my children came back as pristine as they left the house, I would have assumed they hadn't had much fun at all.

Has life really become that hectic that there's no time for children to be children?

When visiting a theme park park with our GC we witnessed a Dad loudly telling all and sundry that his small son had "bottled it" as he had ducked out of riding on one of the most scariest rides. He didn't say it once but several times getting louder and louder each time. We cringed and I felt so very sorry for the boy who was trying to brave it out but was just managing to look more and more uncomfortable. It is one of those times that have stayed with me for a long while. I almost wished I had approached the Dad and gently but firmly pointed out that perhaps there were better ways.

Sad, very sad. Poor little scraps.

I saw a dad humiliate his son at a football match the other day, telling him how useless he was. Everyone was appalled.

All of the parents quoted on this thread seem to be from the lower orders.

Go to one of the local play areas in this nice little town where I live and the largely middle class parents are very playschool-ish in the way they behave towards their children. Heartfelt cries of 'oh well done!' when the child does something fairly ordinary abound. Irritating but so much better for confidence building than those awful put-downs.

But then parents can only pass on what's in them!

My DS1 and his then girlfriend, now my DDiL, used to work for an up-market holiday company that provided activities for children while their parents enjoyed water sports. I christened it 'Butlins for barristers. One day, in Corsica, I think, I overheard a conversation in which a little lad of about 9 accused his parents of having packed him off to school and even on holidays not wanting anything to do with him. Another example of parents who are incapable of parenting - only in this case at the higher end of the social and income scale.

It's not a class thing Petallus, it happens across the social scale.

Oh, I think it is a class thing. #aspadeisaspade

'the lower orders'...

When my children were tiny one of our neighbours used to bring her little boy to the Mother & Toddler group. He would spend the whole session strapped in his pushchair to stop him getting on the floor and getting dirty! You don't even have to shout or swear at them to spoil things.

When I go shopping with GS2 in the trolley it takes hours - we "waste" so much time playing games and giggling

How quaint! (and patronising)

Yes, I heard a child being yelled at in Asda today, just because she wanted to stop and look at something (not toys - food). An opportunity to have a chat about food I would have thought. Even if the father was in a hurry he could have said 'sorry, love, we need to rush, we'll look at that next time'.

(follow-on to my last post - not addressed to you, Deedaa)

Really? Neglect and ill treatment can take many forms. Some of the "higher orders" mistreat their kids too, but in different ways . Spending vast amounts of money on designer goods and clothes, packing eight year olds off to boarding schools, leaving them with au pairs etc. Do you think the Queen neglected Charles? After being abroad for months, she met him with a handshake. Many members of the "lower orders" may be short of money but their kids are brought up with lots of love instead of material things. I should know. I'm one of them
There has to be a happy medium between these extremes.

I did not stop to ascertain the social class of the father in Asda. There were all sorts of people in there today as it has just opened- even some Waitrose customers!!
(Could not find the rambutans, quails' eggs or guinea fowl in Asda, so annoying, may not frequent there again.)

Emotional neglect happens at all points in the 'class' spectrum. The parents being accused by their prep schooled son (my post, above) were by no means of the 'lower orders' - if we must use such a non-PC term!

It was my impression that the examples given at the beginning of this thread involved the lower orders because of the language quoted (for gawd's sake etc.)

Ana I can say 'lower orders' if I like, being one of them.

Anyway, I was being ironic. It's too much of an outdated term to be taken seriously surely!

Of course you can say what you like, petallus, but that grated.

The implication Petallus, was that it was working class mums who generally treated their kids badly. Not true. They happened to be examples of events I witnessed. I felt very sorry for them. It was never about class.

I agree that emotional abuse knows no class barriers. It might manifest in different ways, but sadly it is there.

I sometimes see parents making the daftest threats eg in a supermarket "Stop that right now Tiffany. Do you want to go to Florida?- well don't do that again." As if the family holiday would be cancelled because a wee girl wouldn't stop touching things in a boring queue. My Dad (a GP) used to be irritated when Mums would use him as a threat "Don't do that or I`ll take you to the Drs for a big jag".
Mind you kids can still (inadvertently) get their own backs. I once saw a small child in a queue shrink back from his mum after being told brusquely not to touch the sweets on display saying "But I`ll no need a clip though?" hopefully. The queue took a dim view of what this statement indicated: ladies of a certain age frowned and muttered darkly. Tuts were heard and heads shaken. The embarrassed mother took the boys hand and just walked away- bit of a result for the queue! Grans 1- Mums 0. Just hope the wee boy didn't suffer afterwards.

Perhaps it's more a case of the "have nots" as opposed to the "haves". Because that's what class is usually about, isn't it? I mean, in a 'going back over the generations way'.

Until that is sorted out we will always have 'class'. And the underdogs are always going to feel the need to express their frustrations. And find it hard to control the stress in their lives.

One of the things that saddens me most is to see a Mum walking with her children and talking on her mobile phone. Such a lot of the things that I recall today I learned from my father when we were out walking and talking to each other.