Grandparents wanted

What a great idea. As a Granny whose Grandchildren live in Australia I see it from the other side. If you want a hand to set it up ..

I live in Yorkshire

Well I'm in Devon, so not much use as a surrogate Granny, but I really think you should have a go at setting up a Surrogate Grandparents agency. What a great idea! Good luck

Of course, setting up an agency of this kind would be fraught with difficulties, security and so on, and I'm sure there will be plenty of people on here who have more knowledge than me about what would be involved.
On reflection, not sure I'd want the responsibility of putting older adults in touch with young children

That was the consensus last time this issue was raised Ash Tree. There are so many potential risks. Even formerly close and trusting family relationships can go badly wrong and who would do the CRB checks for example.

I appear to have been "adopted" by 3 of the children who live close to me. One is 8 years of age, a boy and the other two are brother and sister, the girl will be 8 this month and her brother is 4 and a bit. I have not established how old the "bit" part is!

Maybe that will happen to your children MrsC15- they may find a neighbour who takes an interest in them for the right reasons.

That sounds ideal Charley girl

I am a great grandmother with no access to my grandchildren as my DiL does not like me. I live in Derbyshire and would love to have a surrogate
grandchild. Any takers?

Fab. idea. A register of GPs to be would really lovely. Guess though , that as has been noted, child protection issues might scupper it?

I've written a separate forum discussion, without realising this one recent one existed. I wonder if an FB page might help and just let people act autonomously -- just like a dating agency, but for older people to meet younger families. I think you can be sensible as an individual, just meet in a park / safe place etc, and maybe do a few email chats prior, to see if you have any likeminded interests etc, share common beliefs and values etc...it really should be something that can just run itself, without any policing as such, maybe I'll set up an fb group and families and grandparents can join and chat, and maybe then set up group play days, at local parks or outings etc...

Sorry but I think setting up a Facebook page would be inviting completely the wrong sort of people ………. all looks very suspicious to me and surely any sensible thoughtful person would never meet strangers in a park to meet their children…….. ?????

I agree completely. A Facebook page is an advertisement of you and your young children's vulnerability. Its very sad but people wanting access to kids can be very plausible indeed. Is there no other way you can make social contacts?

Regarding CAB checks they would only prove that a person has or has not been convicted or seriously suspected of offences against children.

It only means that an individual has never yet come to the attention of the authorities regarding suspicions of any child abuse.

Sorry to be so negative but as I said on the other recent thread, men with peodophile tendencies tend to be on the lookout for vulnerable isolated women to befriend. Sorry about the generalisation as well.

I'd say your way forward would be to forget for the moment that you would like substutute grandparents for them, and concentrate on making friends for yourself, of all ages. When those people have been friends of you for a while, they will become familiar to your children, and it is possible (not guaranteed) that they will become friends with them too.

If you go looking for older people to link them up with your children, you run the risk of finding those who want to be found - those whose interest in befriending children is less than altruistic.

To those innocent older people who are genuine and would love surrogate grandchildren - I am sorry to have to say this, but it is true that most child abuse is by relatives or people close to the family. I wish it were not so.

don't be so negative Elegaran this scheme could work and there is a real need for it.

If everyone adopted the same attitude as you nobody would ever help anyone or help any children.

I agree it has to be set up correctly but I'm sure it is a good idea.

grandfriend I don't think we should be too "gung ho" about this, yes, great idea and could be of mutual benefit to both parties, but the previous comments re Facebook page are very valid.

Unfotunately, there are those out there who look for, identify and target those that mght be deemed "vulnerable" for whatever reason.

Perhaps the od adage "better safe than sorry" is best aplied?

I came on here looking for tips on finding grandparents for my youngest. Both my parents have passed away as well as my husband's father; the rest of his family live in Australia and therefore we see them very rarely.

From 18months I had a 'babysitter' who quickly became an integral part of my family in a grandparent role. She was a very important person in my childhood years and was the first person on my invite list for family events and special occasions and long after I needed a babysitter, I would choose to visit and spend time with her.

Grandparents are a unique and important part of someones life and bring so much to growing up. I don't want my son to miss out on grandparents, especially as his (significantly) older siblings had both.

I am hoping that we can find grandparent(s) that can become a part of our family, that can share their love, wisdom and experience with my son, and fill that role that only grandparents can.

I agree that facebook is not the right place for something like this but a proper website/agency that can vet people and matchmake families would be a fantastic idea.

We are in the Bath area and if any would like to be or knows someone who might like to be part of a lively 3 yr old's life and family, please message me.

Thanks

if everyone took your attitude phoenix then nobody would do anything with children, that's why we have safeguarding. Surrogate Grandparenting is one of the most popular topics I have read about.

There is definitely a demand for the service and also in North America demand is huge.

a lot of people are at risk from their actual family!!!!!!

I agree with phoenix and Elegran. Please - don't invite strangers to make their interest known. Responsible and wise adults will give your request a wide berth in the interests of child protection. I wouldn't ever approach a family in such circumstances. Get to know neighbours and people who can be vetted, who are known by other parents, not strangers who could have the wrong motivation for responding to your search.

I am also in the phoenix Elegran and whenim64 camp. One cannot be too careful.

I entirely agree. Why not try to find people on a personal basis ie via organisations like the church. Very uncool I know but there are generally nice older ladies at various church groups who could become befrienders over time. Much better than online anyway. I do understand why you're looking for a gran but how you go about it isn't as easy as just advertising. Good luck!

Your post is a bit confusing- you say "My 2 boys aged 2 and 9, don't have any grandparents." Then admit that your husband doesn't see his mum and you don't get on with your parents. So they have grandparents just not ones you approve of. Yes you probably can find a couple of oldies who will befriend your family, but being a grandparent is also about telling family stories and sharing memories. Couldn't you try with your relatives and tell them how you feel?

they ont sound like great parents to me trisher no wonder poster is looking for someone, some things cant be fixed.

Hi All,

Sorry for the long delay, I haven't been able to get on here for some reason my email wasn't working.

Trisher, OK they do not have active grandparents. They would not recognise them in a photo.
And no I can not just try with my parents. I think after basically them having nothing to do with me for years they are not now going to be suddenly interested in my children. And to be honest the kind of people they are im not sure I want my children around their bitterness anyway but that's a whole other story. So its not about approving of them its about reality.

My point is my children see all my friends, and their kids, they see their aunts and uncles but there is no one of the older generation, for instance for my son to ask about war or 'in the old days', someone who will more than likely have very different views and ways than us. Great for the kids.

My neighbours all have their own families, grandchildren etc.

I realise its a real hard task and security is paramount, its just seems to be a lot of people have this issue and there are apparently so many older people alone or don't speak to people.
I was thinking maybe a trip to a care home but that's a bit more impersonal.

Im not sure how it would work or how to go about it to be honest, just my grandparents were a huge part of my life and It makes me sad my kids don't have that kind of figure in their lives.

Hi MrsC15 Posts like yours pop up often on GN, and I for one would love to respond with a 'Yes, let's go for it, I'd love to have grandchildren in my life, and here's a family with no older family members in their life'...magic!

I fully understand why there needs to be safeguards. I've looked online for a respectable site that responsibly 'matches' surrogate grans to young families, but there doesn't appear to be such a place - which potentially leaves a huge hole in bringing all family members, young and old, together.

Setting up a legal site online, 'matching up' surrogate grans/grandchildren would be an enormous task, beyond my abilities.

I believe there's interest in this idea shown on MN as well as GN - so it seems to me there's a potential for MN and GN to get together and maybe help come up with some guidance as to if/how it would be possible to bring together mum's with small children wanting an older presence in their lives, with grans who carry the heartache of not having small children in their lives. Just a thought.....