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To want to attend my grandchilds christening

(30 Posts)
happynan Mon 09-May-11 09:56:33

My son and his partner have arranged to have their child christened on a weekday which is impossible for myself, my husband and several members of our family to attend, I have tried to talk to them about how much it means for us to attend the christening but they are adament that they will not change the day (they have a family friend that my son has never met coming from abroad and have arranged it around him as my sons partner wants him to be a godparent). I feel deeply hurt that they will not discuss the matter with us and that they have totally dismissed how hurt we feel. My sons partner will not speak with me at all now and I feel I am losing them all.

Swedenana Tue 17-May-11 11:00:17

Happynan, am sending you a hug. This is a very tricky situation and you've received some very wise advice which I can only concur with. Whilst only you know the importance of sharing the christening from a religious point of view, far more important, in my opinion, is the bond that you want to share with your grandson in the future. I have to say, from reading what you've told us, I think that there will be future issues with your son's partner if she is deliberately making things difficult already. Perhaps she's a very insecure person who has the need to emphasise her own importance in your son's life and she is manipulative enough to use this occasion to do so. Perhaps my interpretation is completely wrong - you know the girl, I don't. You may have to learn to live a life of compromise in order to enjoy a relationship with your son and grandson. I'm sure you're wise and sensitive enough to work out how you can best achieve this but my advice would be, don't get involved in your son's partner's competitive 'games'. She holds the trump card (your g/son, any future gc) and you will never win. Wishing you a happy outcome.

maxgran Wed 18-May-11 12:26:26

Swedenanna,.. Well said - That was a really good comment, especially about not getting involved in any competitive 'games' Happynan's daughter in law may well be insecure and resent the bond between her man and his Mum,
Its possible to let the son & partner know how disappointed you are whilst at the same time wishing them well for the christening.

QuackQuackBoing Tue 24-May-11 12:36:25

I'm guessing you work in a school? Could you take a sick day? Why can't your husband and other family members attend that day?

happynan Wed 25-May-11 13:36:52

Definately couldn't take a sick day, never would at this time of the year even when unwell as my job is my responsibility and people are relying on me. As stated before my son is fully aware of this and knows I cannot take this time off, my husband has said he does not feel he can attend without me, and he has explained this to my son. My parents are going to attend and some of my family but other members are taking exams or working away. My sons partners family are mainly self employed as is my son and it is not a problem for them.