My daughter in law is inept and useless as a mum.

Sorry about the offending term, ladies, it is to me a general term for stupid useless person, did not connect it with female parts - I am rather like a mother of a sulking little boy I once knew, who referred to him "sitting humping in the corner" and received a startled glance from someone else present. I don't think she knew any other connotations of humping - I did not at that time.

Nanban, it seems to be a slang term for what make us ladies and not gentlemen.

Now can we stop adding to the posts this troll has conned us into adding to her wind-up?

Thanks em. I tried that and it has no knowledge of forbesisnow2. That could be significant, perhaps.

Round 1 to Modesty. Round 2 to GN (nearly killed it off) Round 3 to Modesty (even in absentia but aided and abetted by Luna?)
Match over?

Are you sure she is 'in absentia'? I smell an alias.

Aha! You might be right Annobel. Clearly you are more experienced than I am when going into combat against the T****!

No experience, em, just a nasty suspicious mind.

Aided and abetted by Luna?
I beg your pardon?

I have never aided and abetted anyone !

How childish!

I am not in cahoots with any other member..however I am entitled to my opinion without censure by anyone, just as you all are!

And by the way, I do not care if " nobody was there".. when I supposedly shouted....DOH!

It is a website!

People log in and log out..comments are made and are still there next time anyone logs in....
Simple concept!

And no..I am not a troll or whatever other silly childish word you may bandy around!
Simply someone with a mind of my own..and who does NOT like cliques..of which this site sadly is guilty of as much as Mumsnet!!!

Well that's very reassuring, my dear. Sorry that the grans get it wrong (as do the mums). Please don't feel you have to descend to our level as we are clearly distressing you and possibly leading to the breakdown of your exclamation mark key. Just write us off as a bunch of silly old bats if it makes you feel better.

As I understand it, 'troll' isn't just a 'silly childish word', but a term that is used on forums such as these when someone seeks to disrupt or to lay a red herring. In the case of this thread, the OP was couched in such terms as to make such an extreme contrast between the DiL and the MiL as to make it almost impossible for a rapprochement to take place between them. As the MiL appeared to show her position in the most unflattering terms, the suspicion was that the thread had been started by someone who simply created a story to make mischief and create controversy among us. In fact, it succeeded in creating virtual unanimity.
Luna, since you have made your profile public, it is clear that you are not a troll. But someone else probably is.

I read Modesty's initial thread re 'useless daughter-in-law' but the last few pages seem to be about a row that has broken out between you all. What on earth is going on - insults and names bandied about like a bunch of silly school girls. I love Gransnet and several times have put in concerns and worries and got lots of positive feedback. However, this page seems to have sunk to downright nastiness. Please Stop and lets just enjoy this website in the way it was designed for us.

dorsetpenn The consensus is that the thread was intended to achieve just that. At least twice, experienced gransnetters have tried to warn those coming fresh to it that it is a trap, but they have been so incensed by the original post that they have commented anyway.

Let us STOP ALL COMMENT NOW. If you feed a troll, it will come back for more.

So....

Luna tells us she is incensed because we sympathise and 'side' (her term) with the daughter-in-law that Modesty was calling inept and useless.

She won't take 'sides' herself. Erm... Isn't getting incensed sort of taking sides? Just asking. Oh, hang on, she's incensed because we're being cliquey (according to her).

And she doesn't like cliques.

My fascinating [taking the piss emoticon] breakdown has revealed all that. Well, well!

Just had a quick squint at the OP to remind myself what the perceived problems were: breast feeding (terrible! T-T-P emoticon again) and the baby doesn't sleep in a cot on his own yet (shock, horror! T-T-P emoticon again). What exactly is inept and useless about that? I think, Luna, that this is why we 'sided' with DIL. We couldn't see from the OP that she was doing anything wrong, nor that it was the MIL's business to change her DIL's approach. Maybe she shouldn't babysit any more, but that's another issue.

Have a nice day, Luna!

I refer you to this post from HQ: CariGransnet (GNHQ) Wed 29-Jun-11 17:01:28

As long as you can ignore the chaos, do so, in the interests of long term peace !
Child-centred parenting does seem to be the trend over the last 30 years although the behaviour of small children who have never had anything other than instant gratification can be very tiresome ( especially on long flights !)
There's been a lot of criticism of poor Modesty and I can see how she wonders how her grandchild will develop.
My view is that a happy home needs a measure of order and routine and that a husband and siblings should not be squeezed out while the baby takes centre stage for more than the first few months. It takes a mother real effort to be organised with a new baby but it can be done.
My mother used to say that you brought up your children to take their place in the rest of the world : parenting should be a mixture of selflessness and good sense.
I suspect that the daughter-in-law is focussing so hard on being a full-on mother that she is letting the building blocks of family life slip.
She will either find a balance or she won't.
I recognise that Modesty would like to see her son having a little more care and attention - and I fully sympathise over non-working daughters-in-law who refuse point-blank to even iron a shirt - especially when it's just done to prove some feminist point.
Bite your tongue for now and cross fingers that your grandson will grow up to be a completely charming, thoughtful, undemanding young man !
Goodness, it's hard being a Gran !

Well, the 'baby' must be four by now so I'm sure they've sorted things out!

Erm Gran2014, the last post on this thread until yours was in October 2011 !!

I would have hoped that the "problem " has been resolved, especially as the child mentioned will now be over 3 years old.

Ooops! I was a bit slow with my posting there, Ana

Er...yes, quite.

I wish Anno had put a link. I want to know what Cari said!

Just read the OP. So obviously a Mumsnetter wind-up.

Wonder why it has n't been "zombied".

She said this jingl

Thanks for your concerns: as there hasn't been any response from Modesty to the thread she started it may be time to let this one go. The easiest way to do this is not to add any more posts to it - that way it will no longer be active

Yeah. Found it now. Thanks.

BTW, Caris comment was on the previous page.

It had been zombied, but was brought back to life earlier today.

It had been 'zombied', but Gran2014 and those of us who replied brought it back to life!

(PS phoenix, your second post wasn't there when I made my 'er' comment! Sometimes these timing delays can be embarrassing - I didn't mean to sound so rude! )

Gransnet is going so slow at the moment. Unless it's me.