Cut out of their lives

Wishing you all the luck in the world chadsky

Yesterday was my estranged daughter's birthday. I didn't send her a card as she has said she was destroy any communication from me unopened. I sent her good wishes via her daughter, but she too has now stopped replying to my pm's on Facebook although she has not unfriended me. It is now over three months since I received the devastating letter accusing me of stealing from my daughter. So far I haven't been able to cry and I am currently staying with a friend so I can't let go yet. I feel that once I start crying I won't be able to stop.
I am getting on with my life, as there is no alternative, but the underlying sadness is present all the time.

"Greatnan" it is always devastating when members of families do not get on - or get accused of something they did not do - I remeber my adoptive father accusing my uncle of something and they did not talk for years, I cannot imagine never been able to talk to my son or daughter - even with the events that have happened I am still in contact with my son and have managed to get past the inital shock horror of the situation,
I was adopted myself and have a very strong sense that families are the most important things - dont give up

Chadsky . It's so distressing to see how many of us are missing important members of our families, but it's heart-warming that we can still offer support to each other when we might be tempted to just pull up the drawbridge and forget about other people's unhappiness.

There is news on the Beeb website today about a proposed change of law to try and ensure children of estranged/divorced parents get to see both of them.

Chadsky so pleased for you, fingers crossed

Bagitha It does sound hopeful news for absent fathers, lets hope it happens.

I heard that news this morning and feel elated that this is gaining momentum at last.

Greatnan I am keeping you in my thoughts. When I read your post this morning I was reminded of a friend whose siblings made this accusation against her about her mother's savings. The family split at the time of the funeral and it was years before they communicated with each other again - everyone retreated with hurt feelings, thinking they had been wronged. When they started talking, they shared the story again and found that someone had made a casual joke that had been taken seriously because it had never been checked out. They all regretted parting, instead of staying to sort out the problem. I know how hard you have tried to sort this out and I hope your daughter will one day decide to check out whether her accusations ever did have any foundation.

Now is the time for grandparents to shout very loudly! Tell your stories to your MPs and try to get GPs included in the bill. There will not be another chance like this for years.
Geraldine!! Is there anything you can do to help?

In fact we could all write to our MPs and alert them to some of these threads, which they could read. Say that we are members of the increasingly influential Gransnet social networking site. The are all anxious about retaining the votes of older people because we DO go out and vote and we are a rapidly growing group.
It is very easy to write to your MP these days. Go to the website Write to Them and type in your letter. In my experience they always contact the relevant minister and get back to you with a response. It does not have to be a long letter, they still respond.
Could we do a campaign folks? Who is willing to spend 5 minutes writing a letter?
Who is IN?

Grandparents Apart - a Scottish organisation, has sample letters on their website. I am just about to go out for the day with daughter and babies, so I can't cobble a letter together right now. If anyone wants to make a start, I will gladly chip in later.

Here's the link to their letter to MP:

www.grandparentsapart.co.uk/letters/lettertompl.htm

You can also ask for an interview at your MP's nearest surgery.
I did it in Dec and it was very positive.He promised 100% support to our cause.
I also have a template of letter I sent to my MP.

How about a real protest demo in London.

I have just sent a pm on Facebook to each of my 'English' granchildren, just saying I miss hearing from them and sending them my love. If they refuse to answer, I will just have to give up. They are adults, so they can make up their own minds.

Just taken a few minutes to have a crack at the letter, but really must go now. It's a bit clumsy, but it's a start! I adapted some of the Grandparents Apart letter to MP. It can be adapted to suit each individual circumstance.

Sample Letter to your member of Parliament.
(Delete address not required)

Dear……………………………………………………………..

The Scottish Parliament Edinburgh EH99 1SP
House of Commons London Government
SW1A 0AA. Welsh Assembly Cathays Park Cardiff CF10 3NQ
Northern Ireland Office, Stormont Estate , Belfast BT4 3SG

I am contacting you as my MP to ask for support at government level for grandparents who have lost contact with their grandchildren for no good reason.

At the moment, the loving and protective role grandparents can play in their grandchildren’s lives is not formally recognised, and I believe this omission should be rectified. Professionals and authorities who decide what is in the child’s best interest need to take account of what children expect from them, especially in ensuring they do not lose contact with significant members of their family.

I believe children have the right to expect the best from their grandparents, or an explanation as to why this is not happening. In cases where fathers have been alienated from their children by a hostile mother, the child is often cut off from loving grandparents with no explanation. If the government were to encourage and require families to maintain grandparent contact, it would give a clear message to families that grandparents can be a huge asset in maintaining stability for children.

Where parents have separated, it could be worthwhile attending mediation or family education focusing on the best interests of the children, and including grandparents in this process. A move towards incorporating the support that grandparents have provided or offered their children and grandchildren, when assessing the value of maintaining or re-establishing contact between them, would in no short measure give children more confidence that they are loved and being given the support they need, despite their parents' separation.

I need you to promote the role of grandparents at the highest level. Please take the time to look at the Gransnet website, where there are many features and threads discussing the issue of separation from grandchildren. Here is one of the links, but there are more you could read. It would be worthwhile speaking to the Gransnet organisation to get a clear view of this issue, which is at last beginning to have the prominence it deserves.

www.gransnet.com/forums/am_i_being_unreasonable/1189101-Cut-out-of-their-lives

I look forward to your reply

Yours sincerely

Name………………………………………………………

Address………………………………………………….

Phone number……………………………………….

Email……………………………………………….......

Signature……………………………………………….

An excellent letter, well done.

Respect, Carol !!!!

Just watched the interview on This Morning, can GNHQ get a web chat going with someone who can give some family law advice for all the GP in this Position.

Me too and the phrase used completely explains the grief - it's a bereavement without end.

Great letter carol

Wonderful Carol

Excuse me folks.
Congratulating Carol on this contribution is fine - but what about some of us people who are not (currently) in Carol's position expressing a bit of solidarity by taking 10 minutes to write to our MPs?
The horrible experience of adoring grandchildren and grandparents being torn apart as a result of marital breakdown and family rifts is something that could potentially happen nearly anyone. This proposed Bill is about children's rights (not fathers) and this really is our only chance to get grandparents included.
I think we can safely predict that there will not be a separate bill for grandparents in the forseeable future.

I have written to my MP today. There but for the grace of god..

Wonderful Carol

Excellent Carol I will write to my MP tonight. I am not directly affected but after reading all the sad stories on here, I want to do my bit. As others have said, none of us can know that this will not happen to us.

JessM thank you for making me look at this thread. I will write to my MP.

Jess you should have started a separate thread! I just thought this was giving sympathy (quite rightly) to Nanban and others in the same awful situation.

I'm baaaaaack! Thanks for the positive comments. I have sent a smartened up version of the letter to my MP, Paul Goggins. He's usually on the ball about responding to my letters (he's had rather a lot since I retired!)

As Jess and others have commented, we never know when we'll find ourselves in this situation. This time last year, I was secure in the belief that my grandson and I were so closely attached that no-one would part us. We saw each other every week, and I had been around him since 5 minutes after his birth - first grandchild - I remember vividly every minute of that wonderful day when he arrived. My friends thought I was drunk when I phoned to share the good news, but I was high on exhilaration after meeting him.

We have holidayed as a large family, he has stayed over most weekends from being five, I have fed and then nursed him when he had colic, sat beside him in hospital when he had his appendix out, attended every school play and nativity, carried him round zoos and made sandcastles with him, played games, read him stories, planted sunflowers and on and on - such wonderful happy times.

....and then, because my son was forced to leave because of her non-stop abuse over the course of 12 years, contact with him became a fragile thing. Now, I'm lucky to get ten minutes with him and it's nearly a fortnight since that happened. She has set out to destroy my son, who now stays temporarily with me because he had to give up his home nearby his son - she caused so much trouble. A complicated divorce is being processed, she has told my grandson daddy is making them homeless - he isn't - she can have everything - all he wants is to see his son.

So there you have it - in the space of less than a year, the bottom dropped out of our world and we have tried every strategy we can to maintain contact with my grandson - he will be 12 next month. Please do write and support this effort for grandparents - it could happen to any of us. Thank you, folks x