Cut out of their lives

Dear Maniac - what a horrible situation for you to be in. Experience tells me that there are some people who will offload whoever they consider to be surplus to requirements, in whatever way works for them. And, if it means being abusive and aggressive that's what happens - anyone less loving would give up sooner. Why - I have no answer to that - just because they can I guess.
However, all children these days are very computer literate and one of these days your GS will find you and nothing in the world will stop him. I've put up a Facebook page completely open to the public and write a little diary so that when the day comes that they find me, my GCs will see that we care every minute of every day. I've also kept all the messages that we've sent or received so that they will see how we tried.

Horrendous that it's a stepfather that is doing this to you, and will his nastiness and aggression be confined simply to you? Dare you contact SS?

Maniac(((hugs))) for you I can't hope to think how upset you are but please keep your spirits up and I'm sure your DGS will contact you in time.

Thanks for all your love and support.
Whenim64 yes stepdad has always been an aggressive control freak.Often obstructed contact arrangements.
No there is no court ruling forbidding contact,just his rule and blocking all channels of communication
Some good news -My son(unemployed) is a very good driver has now got
certification to drive a minibus so is helping at his local primary school taking groups of children to various activities.That surely must back up his case for contact. as well as giving some purpose in life.

So sorry to hear about all these difficulties with Grans and their families. Life is so short and our grandchildren are young for a very little time.
I have a good relationship with my children and their partners but as I have mentioned in this thread before, my son and family live in New Zealand. I have one beautiful granddaughter who I have seen for one week when she was 2 months old. She is 1 next month and it makes me so so sad to have missed her first year. She doesn't know me at all as my son barely goes onto skype to show her to me, she is starting daycare over there which also makes me sad.
I have a new grandson who I see every week and who does know me-however one grandchild does not make up for the loss of another, I have found.

Maniac is your son ready to apply to court given the mess they made last time and his new position of responsibility with children? He does have grounds to show mistakes were made and acknowledged last time. My son represented himself except for one occasion and received help in the court, beng advised by the judge to itemise his grounds for complaint when she instructed her legal aid solicitor to give petty information that had no relevance and she was getting the judge's back up. Perhaps he might have more success now?

Things have gone beyond any form of resolution now as I have refused to apologise as I still don't know what I've done wrong. Am going to get on with my life, still in a state of total disbelief. Feel that over thirty years of loving my children and grandchildren before anything else have been thrown in my face and I'm being punished by them. If I'd done less over those years, I wouldn't be in this position now.

Crimson do they need to explain what the problem is before you refuse to apologise for it? It sounds like there's some unfinished business that you, as a family, need to talk over. Please don't discount the chance of resolving the issue. It may be that there are uncomfortable feelings on both sides, and the grandchildren will not understand if you don't see them.

They have collected the key to their house and the car seat that I had in my car [for emergencies only]. There was a phone call from my daughter which was meant to be for us to talk through what had happened but it soon became obvious that the call was purely for me to apologise when I wanted to be told exactly what I'd said. And it appears that I'm delusional and I've ruined my grandsons birthday. It's tomorrow and I'm the only one who can't go. I've pointed out what I think is the root of all this but it has been dismissed. Two years ago today I was the one that had left work with a 'I'm off now and don't know when I'll be back' because grandson no 2 was on his way, and I've done that for five years. There is more to this, though, but it will be a while before I know if I'm right.

crimson I am so sorry that you are going through this heartbreak. I'm having slightly different problems again and it just makes you feel sick all the time.
I hope you can find some resolution soon.

I'm surprised at how calm I am about it, but it all seems so surreal it's sort of floating over me. What I am worried about is that, if I do start crying I'm not going to stop [been there, got the t shirt...].

I hope things settle soon for you, Ella and crimson. 'Fearful' emotions can hit us at any time. We can be going along quite contentedly, then something will happen with part of the family which pulls the rug from under our feet. I do know so well, how it can be - and so do many of us. I hope comfort can be gained by sharing what you can on here.

Oh it certainly is. The only problem is that I no longer feel like a grandma and feel a bit weepy coming on here. It's like my raison d'etre has gone, and I'm not sure who I am any more.

I'm sure things will get better! They'll soon realise what they are losing!

crimson, you are a grandma and will always be a grandma. You've had no time to understand what's going on, and I bet you anything they have no idea how this is really affecting you. I've never been able to understand just how selfish our adult children can suddenly become, sometimes. Just at the moment, you want things to be alright again now, but it'll take a bit of time to straighten out again. If something has happened that you can talk about with them, can you broach the subject with them? If you can still talk to them, would you be able to discuss it?

My daughter came home from work stressed and I just happened to be tired and stressed as well.I left saying I didn't know what I'd said or done and, a few days later there was a message on my answerphone to say that I was no longer required to look after my grandson after school. I thought that, if I kept out of the way and let things settle down, they would, but they haven't. It's the first time in more years than I can remember that I've been too tired to listen to her problems because, as I pointed out at the time, I have problems of my own and I couldn't actually solve hers. I just wanted to get home [I work as well, but no one seems to notice that], and my leg was hurting terribly. I was very upset when I left and, so my partner tells me, I was very upset when I got home but no one, apart from him seems to be concerned about how I felt. I do think that working parents do not think or feel outside of their own little lives and that, for a grandparent to help they have to be very careful. If you do a lot, more is expected of you; those that do little seem to be thanked for what they do. Or, perhaps I'm being paranoid ?

crimson I feel for you, I also work full time (shifts) and look after DGS most days of the week. It is very tiring and yes, our grown up children don't seem to realise that we get tired and also have problems of our own. DD and I sometimes have words - fortunately this hasn't led to a rift yet but I am very aware that it can happen to any of us at any time. Please be kind to yourself, I do hope you will be able to speak to your daughter soon and sort this out ((hugs))

Thanks everyone. Much appreciated.

crimson sending you positive vibes and {{hugs}}

Aw Crimson it sounds like a teenage tantrum on their part. Is she used to you being non-stop sweetness and light and then can't cope with you being a bit ratty on that occasion?
The day you describe is the heart of the problem is it?

Crimson I hope your daughter has started to have second thoughts and realises the effect this has had on you. Parents with young children can get wrapped up in their own issues and not choose to see what is happening for their own parents, who may be feeling tired and unwell and not up to looking after boisterous children, but that means there could be a financial consequence that they would rather avoid. You are both tired and stressed, and her reaction has pushed you into taking a stand. I do hope you can resolve it between you without delay.

Crimson, everything you say is true and perhaps given a bit of 'time out' your daughter will realise what a huge gap there is in their lives now. Concentrate on getting well yourself and maybe in a week or two you could try a nice, ordinary, everyday 'how are you all' phone call. You are tired and weighed down and perhaps now is the time to spoil yourself a little. I so hope there are better times ahead.

crimson {{{hug}}} I hope this is resolved quickly for you, you are an integral part to the workings of the family and I would like to bet that you will be a huge miss, and maybe your DD will see that you have bent over backwards to put the family first and that maybe its time she started to appreciate that. Thinking of you today

Wish me luck today, I am hoping to have contact with my youngest grandchild today, who I haven't seen since before Christmas. It will be a precious snatched hour but hopefully the beginning of a loving journey for us both.

SJP wishing you all the luck in the world!!! I hope all goes well for you and I know you will treasure anytime you have together {{{hug}}}

SLP wishing you both all the love you deserve