to desperately want them to stay here?

You are not being unreasonable to want them to stay, but it would be unreasonable to try to influence their decision. I totally understand how you feel (I would feel the same) but I don't think it would be fair for you to stand in their way or make them feel bad or guilty for leaving.

Phone call from my lovely daughter this evening to say that she and SIL have been successful in securing really good jobs in Auckland, New Zealand and confirming they will be going in February (if all goes to plan). I am so proud of them for achieving their goals and genuinely pleased for them. BUT! Oh dear I will miss them.
I've been very positive about the move when I've spoken to them and it occurred to me after talking to daughter on the phone that she probably thinks I'm glad to see the back of them - not sure how to say how much I'll miss them without breaking down. I shed a little tear this evening.

As usual I'm the weirdo. I don't miss my daughters who have left home. I love them; I'm utterly impressed by them (need to put that on the in praise of thread); I love seeing them, and all the usual mother stuff, but when they're getting on with their lives without me, my uppermost feeling alongside the love, is pride — pride in them, in their achievements, in the way they run their lives, in their bravery, in their independence, and pride in myself that I raised such remarkable daughters.

I just don't feel tearful at all!

I get very excited when we planning a visit either way

But....

I'd feel that I had failed as a mother if I wanted them around me now they're adults. I've done what I set out to do when they were babies: made them into wonderful adults.

Maybe the fact that DD3 is still at home (and will be for a while) makes all the difference.

Distance makes the heart grow stronger, they say.

I agree with most of what you've said Baggy - I suspect in part that my emotions are a bit ragged due to recent events.
One of my closest friends is also moving away later this year and when my youngest son returns to college (next month) I suspect that he won't be returning to live at home again, as when he finishes his studies he plans to move. I have genuinely encouraged each of them to move on, but there is no doubt that their leaving, especially so close together will have a great emotional impact.

"failed as a mother if I wanted them around me now they're adults"

crap Rubbish.

And its "fonder" the heart grows, not stronger.

And why haven't you pedanted yet on my knickers thread?

Fonder, of course! That's what I meant. Off to the knickers thread now to be pedantic.

Aw Grannyactivist that is tough on you. Been there. Gets a bit less tough with practice.
I guess Baggy that it depends on your situation in life, what has happened so far, what losses you have suffered and what your inner expectations are about family life. And whether or not you have grandchildren that you are close to. Although with new babies etc it is a different kind of pain. And how full your life is otherwise. And whether or not you have a partner who is similarly affected or not. Although my DH is supportive and nudges me into spending money on airfares, it is really, really not the same as if they were his kids and grandkids.

Quite right, jess, as usual! I have been lucky on all those counts. So far.

Even with the DH whose GC it isn't.

Except my GC isn't close geographically but 'full life', etc., plus total confidence in his parents' sense (and sensibilities), makes a huge difference, I suspect. Am glad that GS is moving two hundred miles nearer, at least for a short time. Will get in some extra visits.

In short, I've been lucky, according to my lights.

GA has had a tough time and I'm sure that makes a big difference, if only to make one more emotionally fragile while recovery is taking place. Hugs, GA.

Are you back from Eire, jess?

I can understand why grannyactivist is so upset by her DD going to live such a long way away. As I have said before on previous posts, I have been through (and still going through) similar problems. Although with me, my sadness in losing the close contact is made more intense with the thought that my DS, partner and GC are actually making a mistake in emigrating. If at least one of them had a job, or a job offer, to go to - then I would feel more at peace with the situation. But there is no job, no house and the money they took with them is rapidly running out. But - as Baggy so rightly points out - they need to make their own decisions.

Just yesterday we said 'Bon voyage' to a young family who have been friends of DD for many years. They started out to go last year but postponed until now. Australia offers an attractive lifestyle for their 2 boys (14 and 8) but the main reason for going seems to be that, although she is a well-qualified and experienced psychiatric nurse, opportunies are far better in OZ - not to mention salary! Moving from £30k to £56k for a very similar job with far better prospects than here. Can the NHS really afford to lose such fine young people?

Em there are so many families from Britain moving into the town (in South Australia) where I live. One family have become good friends with my DD1 and SIL. They both have no parents still living. The woman is an only child and her husband was brought up, more or less by older siblings. He transferred from the British Army to the Australian Army. Another family have just move into the area in the last seven weeks, they said they don't know anyone. Also a friend of my SIL recently returned to Britain as he missed his family though his wife was reluctant as she had an excellent job here and they had just had a new baby. I can't remember so many people from GB moving into one area before.
I think it is terribly sad that the parents who care see their children move to another country. My son, DIL and two grandsons living in Queensland is far enough for me.

Still in Eire Baggy but hunkered down in sister's and we both have work to do.
DH gone home.
Yes Faye i guess Queensland is about as far as the US is from UK!