Would this irritate you?

No problems, Annobel, I am a veteran of several ex-pat forums and may even have contributed to some of the madness.

Greatnan, if you want some background into how crazy/imaginative some of us are, I recommend this thread:

www.gransnet.com/forums/am_i_being_unreasonable/1190010-Anyone-fancy-a-flight-over-PENDLE-HILL-tonight-Broomsticks-at-the-ready

or this:
www.gransnet.com/forums/am_i_being_unreasonable/1188873--to-create-a-virtual-camper-van-hop-aboard-everyone

Don't let this put you off - there are some sane contributors here.

This thread is sounding very strange now -- pompa will be back soon to add his tuppence worth I expect. He admits that he's always lurking somewhere... hellooo

biker are you still having problems with your inflatable friend ? I thought you bought a puncture outfit ?

Can you give me a clue, bikergran? I am a new member!

biker, behave! Halloween is over now! Save it for New Year .

lol I havnt been drinking hic!! I meant to say! I have lots of hic! just packing my bag !

greatnan what times the next trian???? I will lost of and my inflatble friend!! (long story,previous thread) lol

I have heard several women say that their husband would never be mean or vindictive if they split up - my advice would be to get a solicitor anyway and get everything in writing. Call me cynical, but I have seen so many women left nearly destitute while their ex-husband lives it up with his new (probably younger) woman.

I have seen some very good financial advice on other threads. When I worked as a financial consultant in Brussels, I gave seminars on financial planning for women. These were well-heeled ex-pats, mostly married to successful business men. I was staggered to find how many of these presumably intelligent women had no idea about their family's finances. Some did not have their own bank account, did not know the name of their bank, did not know if their husband had adequate life insurance, left their husband to fill in all forms. One American woman said she thought it was morbid to talk about life insurance.
Some of the men were equally misinformed - one was earning about £100,000 p.a. I asked him what life cover he had - it was £250,000 which he thought was more than adequate. He had two children who were at expensive private schools and would need supporting for at least ten years. His wife had never worked and had no money of her own. I pointed out that she would have around £25,000 a year (he was self-employed and had no pension plans). I asked him he spent £75,000 a year on himself and of course he vehemently denied it, so I asked him how his wife was going to manage on such a reduced income. His reply was that she was an attractive woman and would soon find another husband!

I am sure that all Gransnetters are completely au fait with their family finances and know exactly where they would stand in the sad event of widowhood or divorce.

Barrow - I am sad for you [flowers]

Strangely, we live in a village called Barrow!

I've just come back to this thread, and find it strangely comforting that so many of you have had an experience so similar to mine: No real financial support from your former husband upon divorce, no pension rights based on his pension, and most significantly - a man with no real interest in his own children or grandchildren.
It always seemed to me that every other divorced woman in the world had got half of everything (at the very least!), and ergo, I had been far too much of a wimp to demand my rights! Good to know that's not actually true, and I too feel pride in having made it on my own post-divorce, and providing well for my children (even though life has gone belly-up over the past 2 years due to a life-change gamble that didn't work out, but what the heck - nothing venture, nothing gained, and being at the bottom of the trough means there's only one way to go!)
As to the fathers incapable of giving a damn about their offspring ... it's so sad that so many men seem to be like that, but I do find it comforting that my ex is not the only useless father out there. Sad for our children, but at least they had damn good mothers! Cheers to us all!

OH! it was there all the time!

Grannylin, yes I have come close to what you suggest (can't really afford to do otherwise!)
I have my own friends, interests and social life AND my own bedroom!
Greatnan this is my second attempt to say thanks for a lovely offer I don't know where that post went! Do enjoy your trip to N.Z.

Greatnan thanks lovely lady

We go to Willaston for the rabbit straw and food for the school pet's it is a lovely part of The Wirral,I can't remember the Teachers Centre but DH will prob know where it was,not many place's he does not know,specially the local pubs

Glammanana - we had a house called Eyrefield Lodge on Damhead Lane, Willaston. I used to work out of the Teachers' Centre in New Brighton. It certainly is a small world!

I think we may have been separated at birth Greatnan! My father also disliked each of his four children equally. We were a drain on his income and he had to take us on holiday for a fortnight every year, so spending time with us.

My ex-husband sees all of his children a few times a year, but it's usually initiated by them. He struggles to know how to relate to them, even though I encouraged him to participate in family life when we were married and ensured he saw them every weekend for a stopover when I left him, until they were teenagers and wanted to choose when they went there. These kind of men do have lonely old age, and no wonder.

I was tempted to write and tell my husband that he had ten grandchildren and four great-grandchildren but my daughters absolutely forbade it. I found his address on 192.com. One daughter does not give a toss, as she disliked him so much, but the other says it affected her self-esteem when her father simply stopped contacting her. Apparently, it is very common for fathers to simply give up on their children after divorce - in my case I would have been very happy for him to show an interest in them, so it was not a question of my using them as weapons against him.
Perhaps I should have realised that fatherhood was not of prime importance to him - we had been married for four years when I got broody, but he kept saying we should wait until we had a new car, a boat, more furniture.....
I asked one daughter what she remembered about him from her childhood, and she said practically nothing - it was always my job (and my pleasure) to take them skating, swiming, riding, organise their sleep-overs, etc. He seemed to think that his role was finished after conception. In fact, he was very much like my own father who was a very fair man - he disliked all his four children equally.

I also made a clean break settlement, wanting nothing from my mean, wealthy husband, except for him to provide some support for his children. He paid a paltry amount but had free access to them all. I even reduced the amount he had to pay when I qualified in my job, never thinking that he would keep to that same amount for the next 11 years. I signed away any pension rights that he had accrued, and don't regret for one minute that I took nothing for myself from that marriage. I made my own way and am proud that I became self-sufficient. I have an occupational pension and state pension, and have paid off my mortgage, so can live on a reasonable income and be able to treat my children and grandchildren. He is now a miserable man, watching his money like a hawk and is saddled with several properties that are a headache to maintain. If he had any sense, he'd sell some and divide the money between his children so they could be relieved of the burden of paying off student loans and the rising cost of living. He doesn't make much effort to see his grandchildren, and recently acknowledged that the support I had put in over the years had resulted in me being closer to our children than he is. What goes round, comes round.

OGM; that's where I am, pension wise, although my husband has been more than generous since we divorced [he always was a very decent man]. What seemed like a 'great adventure' 10 years ago doesn't seem so great now. I do have a relationship with someone who has his own house, so I have my freedom most of the time. It was always my ambition to be able to pack all my belongings into one bag but, alas, I have become a hoarder [everything might have a use one day] and my house is Miss Havisham's house [although the mouse problem has been a wake up call and I am spring cleaning it at the moment]. I found a life size painting that my son did at play school that I am having trouble burning; the paint has all but crumbled away but I'm scared that it's bad karma to dispose of it! I fear I am beyond help..... As a friend in similar circumstances pointed out 'we are slaves to our homes'.

Greatnan how small is this world my DCs used to go to nr Burton Woods for horse riding when they where young and spent all their summer holidays at Thirsteston Common with their friends,we still go to Burton for farmers markets and have friends in the area,my DH and his friends used to play cricket for the local team and for the team funded by Leverhulme Estates who as you will know owned a lot of land in the area.We are now fortunate to live overlooking the River at New Brighton which give's us the closeness of the countryside and access to shopping in Chester and Liverpool.

I had a 'clean break' settlement - I asked for nothing and thought it was well worth it to get my freedom. I have found that even husbands who seem very kind and fair during a marriage, can turn extremely mean and vindictive if they are rejected.
I couldn't live on your income either, Oldgreymare, - I am fortunate enough to have a pension from my final career as a tax inspector, as well as the same state retirement pension as you and a small pension from my nine years in teaching. With no mortgage or debts and very low outgoings on my little flat, I am able to indulge my wanderlust and treat my non-working grandchildren and my great-grandchildren.
If you ever feel you can afford a budget flight to Geneva, I would be happy to give you a free holiday in the Alps - you would only need spending money for the odd lunch out.
I hate to think of you being trapped - is there any chance you could find a part-time job, if your health is up to it?

Greatnan I applaud you ( and I envy your lifestyle ).
I am one of those women who did not appreciate the complexities of contributing towards a pension. Like many, I cashed in my 'superannuation' to buy baby equipment. When I returned to work, I assumed (wrongly it turned out) that I was back in the system. My income from my very small teaching pension and my state pension is just over £400 per month. I could not afford to 'go it alone'.
I enjoy my own company and have some lovely women friends. After a few weeks of 'supply' 3 years ago, I took myself off to Nice, travelling by train. I had such a good time! One day, I'll do it again!

I like that phrase "happy and married but not happily married". It applied to me for some years too. My husband, conversely, was happily married but not happy.