Mystery man - AIBU to want to know more about him?

Thanks all for you input. Having knocked back a few whiskies I plucked up the courage to ring this man up. I turned him down, politely. We had a chat for about fifteen minutes and then he rang off. He was really nice, funny and sort of unassuming - just a normal bloke. He seemed totally legit and all the facts he gave me stacked up. I still don't know a great deal about him - like what he looks like! - but definitely not an axe-wielding monster. He spoke to me respectfully, and we had a proper two-way conversation, and he was interested in what I had to say. I have not had a conversation with my current partner like this for ten years or so! I actually felt that my opnion was worth something, and for the first time in ages felt alive and vital - just like the woman I used to be, in fact, and not just the bloody au-pair or something!

On the plus side, at least I know that there ARE nice blokes out there, and should the opportunity arise again, I will think VERY seriously about how I respond to a similar invitation.

yogagran you have a devious mind!

getting think this through before you make a decision, he maybe genuine but it does not add up for me.

The clue is in the thread title - "..to want to know more about him"
That is exactly what you need to do if you are to contemplate meeting this man.

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT HIM !!

gettingonabit bagitha is right. I've a funny feeling that this person may be a little "iffy"...and "iffy" you can well do without.

........and will use your reply as evidence against you ..........

Could the letter possibly be from the person with whom you are in a failing relationship? Perhaps, if it's your partner he could be trying to trick you

You could have a coffee at a local cafe and suss him out. Otherwise you will always wonder what if....... don't forget to leave his number with a friend, just in case he kidnaps you and you are never seen again. At least they will be able to catch him. hehe, I was getting a bit carried away there.

And, gettingonabit if you do decide to live dangerously and meet this anonymous Lothario, do what you would have advised your daughters to do.

Meet him in a very public place, make your own arrangements to get there and back (prebooked taxi perhaps, to put a prebooked full stop to the outing) have money in your purse to pay for your own expenses so that you can eat independently if you decide to bail out early, tell someone where you will be and when and keep them updated if there is a change of venue, have your mobile phone charged up and ready to use.

Above all - do not hesitate to call a halt to the whole proceedings if you have the least twinge of doubt.

gettingonabit are you sure you are not looking at this invitation as a way of maybe getting out of the unhappy relationship you are in at the moment and possibly using it to add some interest into your life at present,are you sure you would be ready to cut all ties with your partner if anything came of a new relationship,there is a saying "the grass is not always greener" as they say,just be very careful as to what you decide to do.I wish you well.

Sorry to be cynical, gettingonabit, but I don't count not including one's address or any useful information in a phishing letter to be "taking trouble". However flattered I felt by such a letter, alarm bells would be ringing loud and clear. You will do what you want to do and that is fine; I was just putting forward a point of view because you asked. Whatever you decide, I hope all goes well for you.

Yes, but (!) gettingonabit, although he's taken the trouble to write to you, he hasn't had the sense to realise (or has he?) that you may need to know a bit more about him than he's just seen you, likes what he sees, and wants to take you out. If he's trying to tempt you into taking you out to 'fancy' places, why? Does he think that he's going to impress you by this? Is he trying to show you that he's well-off? He could be a mad axeman (or not), but to invite you to quite 'posh do's', he would need to be aware of what these 'do's' are about.

gettingonabit At the bottom line, you will end up doing whatever seems best to you, after reading all the responses. However, make sure you are not pressurised by "politeness" and (frankly) moral blackmail into continuing contact further than is wise just because he has taken the trouble to write.

People take the trouble to write to us in bulk trying to sell us things we do not need or persuade us to help them to get a dodgy fortune out of Nigeria, but we are under absolutely no obligation to reply. He must have taken this into consideration when he wrote.

Do you want to buy what he is selling? Are you selling what he wants to buy?

bagitha - I could, but I would rather be polite about it as he's taken the trouble to write.

I know what I would do, but then I have Mr Elegran, who is a far better catch than than this elusive possible stalker who does not appear to have any existence other than this letter.

It is one of your options.

You could try ignoring his letter.

carol - what a great story to tell your grandkids! A gardening quote!! How resourceful is THAT!

He only has a mobile number. He says he lives locally. I've got a friend to ring the number to get his surname and I've tried 192 without success. I've tried facebook, without success. I've tried the electoral roll, without success. He could easily be new to the area, so may not be registered anyway.

I don't know what I can do now. I either meet him, or turn him down flat. If he's a chancer - and that's a possibility - I've had a lucky escape. If he's not, I've missed out on the chance to meet someone who could potentially be quite nice. I'm still intrigued.

Anything else I could try?

I agree with em. Find out some more, particularly his address, and have a quiet check to see what you can find out. I had a letter from a man who came to give me a gardening estimate a few years ago. He wanted to take me out, after he had completed my gardening. There were so many things making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up that I rejected his gardening quote but took my reply letter round to his house personally. I was shocked to find a derelict house with no evidence of the man being a gardener - it was so overgrown I had to drive past twice to find the front path. A few days later I spotted him in Tesco with a trolley full of cheap cider, beer and vodka - no food.

If you are getting funny vibes about him, listen to those signals.

You can get an address if you google Phonebook, enter the surname and city and up it pops - phone number, address and post code - unless of course it's ex directory.

I'd say do a bit more finding out but don't kill the idea dead just yet. It's no worse than arranging a sensible meeting with someone you meet online. He may be a lovely guy who has fancied you from afar for ages and has finally plucked up courage to start the 'getting to know you' process. Of course you'd have more sense than just to jump into a potentially dangerous situation but do ask around a little (and please let us know what you decide!!)

Ooh ... but it is a little bit exciting too, isn't it?
I'd probably arrange to meet for a coffee, and find out a bit more about him. Once you've done that, do you have friends and acquaintances who could help you piece together the story?
(eg: has he actually sent out a 'round robin' in the hope of getting a hit? Is he known to be a bit odd, or very shy?)
I'd be too intrigued to do nothing

I don't think I would enter into any conversation or relationship on the strength of a letter without an address. We read about conmen in the newspapers and they can be quite believable but cause a lot of grief. I would be very wary.

Look him up on the electoral register. Can you tell from his handwriting/notepaper if he is a touch odd? Green ink on lined paper would be a turn-off for me!
It is not normal to send a letter without a return address. I know in France you can obtain an address from a phone number, but I don't know if that works in the UK.

I can understand you being curious but I definitely wouldn't go with him on your own. Sounds very odd to me although it could be quite harmless, as you have his name maybe you could ask around the neighbourhood and see if anyone knows him.