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to expect my friends to support my son?

(32 Posts)
kittylester Thu 12-Jan-12 17:22:22

Some of you will know that our eldest son had a major stroke about 5 years ago and that he has written and published a book about his experience.

I have 2 particular friends I have known since our children first started school together about 30 years ago. We have all 'been there' for each other through all the traumas of life, large or small. These have included issues at school, children going to university, their unsuitable girlfriends/ boyfriends, unsuitable marriages, infertility, parental illnesses and deaths, other major illness to both children and husbands etc etc and also the joys - graduations, weddings, grandchildren etc.

Yet, neither of them has bought my son's book. We met for lunch today and when I mentioned it, one totally ignored the issue and the other said she thought it might upset her so hadn't bought it.

They were both really supportive when he was first ill and are still concerned about his progress. I don't think I have overloaded the shoulder crying with them because we have a really large extended family and other good friends who have also been there for us.

I am really hurt for my son, but should I be? sad

JessM Thu 12-Jan-12 17:28:43

I think some people just don't get books Kittylester. I have been writing a book for 2 years now, nearly finished. Do any of my nearest and dearest want to read drafts and give me feedback. Nah. I have the odd twinge of resentment but hey, c'est la vie. They support me in other ways. We make ourselves miserable by thinking people "should" do something to prove they care.

Carol Thu 12-Jan-12 17:33:31

I think if they support your son in other ways you could let this one go - people have different views about books, I co-wrote an academic book and one son bought it, the other was incredulous that 'mum' would do such a strange thing, and my two girls were completely disinterested. Oh, well....!

kittylester Thu 12-Jan-12 17:36:54

Thanks for the feedback JessM. Strangely, the friend who did not want to be upset reads obsessively and we swap books on a regular basis. She particularly likes biographies! I'll read your drafts and give you feed back. My son wouldn't let me help him!

kittylester Thu 12-Jan-12 17:38:59

Thank you too Carol - although being supportive of me, they don't have much to do with my son. Or, he doesn't have much contact with them, they are after all his mother's friends!

JessM Thu 12-Jan-12 17:43:33

And they probably think they know his story already.
Thank you for the offer. And you don't even know what the book is about. I am very nearly there now but it might be handy with a couple of chapters that keep fighting back.

Butternut Thu 12-Jan-12 19:13:35

Give us a clue, then Jess - I am still intrigued!

kittylester - Your last point is informative. They sound like wonderful friends, and I am sure they have supported you in numerous ways. Perhaps they already know your son's story? Whether they buy the book or not, I am sure they will still be constant friends in your life.

JessM Thu 12-Jan-12 20:04:55

Oh hi Butternut
It is about the immune system. Aimed at ordinary people not immunologists!
Having a pretty boring time tidying it up esp the references

Butternut Thu 12-Jan-12 20:18:54

Sounds interesting Jess -

As well as sorting out your cupboards, you also need me to do the linking up of references.......I always enjoyed that bit when I had to write my papers etc. Takes all kinds...... wink

glassortwo Thu 12-Jan-12 20:34:44

kitty some people are not into books, and as they have been with you through the journey they possibly feel that they dont need to read your sons story. But they have supported you in other ways.

jess between kitty and butter they have got you sorted, if you need anyone else to proof read it let me know I will willing help if I can.

JessM Thu 12-Jan-12 21:34:24

Hey - all these offers of help. That is great.

kittylester Thu 12-Jan-12 21:40:30

Ok, I am being unreasonable. I feel better now, thank you all! smilethanks

JessM Thu 12-Jan-12 22:03:03

Pleasure. We all have days like that.

glammanana Thu 12-Jan-12 22:17:31

kittylester what good friends you have friends like these are truely golden they may just be unable to read your son's book,not because they are not interested but the things your DS went through and his personal thoughts may be too upsetting for them to read in black and white. Well done to your DS and I am going to order a copy of his work.thanks

Mishap Thu 12-Jan-12 22:20:42

A little aside here - apologies.
JessM - Is your book going to cover CSF and the immune system. I have been told that this is what I have - I don't rate it as a diagnosis, because I am far from typical - but there does seem to be some idea that this might be immune system related - but it is an idea that comes across as extraordinarily nebulous, unscientific and unproven. I would be interested in your thoughts.

kittylester - I think you should try and separate your wonderful friends' role in your life and their apparent disinterest in the book. I guess that your response in a similar situation might be to buy the book - but, hey, it takes all sorts! It is also very hard indeed to think yourself into someone else's head when the subject is so near and dear to you.

I would be very interested to know more about the book - I used to work for a stroke/head injury service and also have a friend who is recovering from a stoke.

glassortwo Thu 12-Jan-12 23:20:04

kitty I should have mentioned in my previous post that I have had you sons book down loaded on my kindle that(santa brought me) for over a week now and I have read the sample and felt the need to read the rest and will get to it once I have finished my current book.

petallus Fri 13-Jan-12 08:46:44

Kittylester could you say what the book's title is so I can download to my Kindle?

kittylester Fri 13-Jan-12 09:53:00

Thank you all for your support. I do feel better now. I suppose I am too close to the subject to be rational - that's what you are all for!! He is one of my chicks after all (he'd hate me for saying that!!) I think it is true that I would buy the book just so there were more sales, even if I didn't read it, but that's just me. I have valued all my friends during a really difficult period so shouldn't complain when they don't do what I would do! I suppose I don't always live up to their expectations either!

Thank you glass - I'd love to know what you think about it!

The book is called "Halfway Gone"

Charlotta Fri 13-Jan-12 16:38:46

If my son had written a book I would have given a copy of it to the friends who were so supportive of him. That's what people do who write books, give away freebies to friends and colleagues and hope that word gets round that its a good read or in your case imformative.

kittylester Fri 13-Jan-12 16:59:15

We have given quite a few away to our family, Charlotta, but our son has found it quite patronising and upsetting that we have bought a number of the ones he has sold!

Carol Fri 13-Jan-12 17:10:11

You do have to get the balance right, otherwise there's not a lot of point having a book published if it's going to be given away all the time. I know someone who self-published and his garage is stocked up with copies of the flippin' book which he is now struggling to even give away. How disappointing. I hope it flies off the shelves kitty.

Oldgreymare Fri 13-Jan-12 17:32:41

Kittylester... it sounds just the thing, I shall buy a copy. My friend's son, at 35, suffered a stroke a couple of days after a heart op a few weeks ago. He says he is now 'rubbish'. I do hope your son has made a good recovery. My sister says that after-stroke care has come on leaps and bounds.

JessM Fri 13-Jan-12 17:52:32

I think you meant "given away" kittylester.
Sounds like just the book for your friends son ogm

grannyactivist Fri 13-Jan-12 17:56:38

Hello Kitty, I have the opposite dilemma. I have friend who has just published an e-book and has encouraged, through texts, FB etc. all her friends to buy it. It costs only a couple of pounds, BUT the product description says: WARNING: There are some passages that are graphic, some of a sexual nature, and some disturbing. If you are easily offended, this may not be the book for you.... I would never normally read a book with such a blurb - and before publication my friend did say to me that I 'might not like it'. So, I haven't bought it......hmm
On the other hand I have just finished Halfway Gone and found it very interesting and challenging. I could really relate to some of his experiences.

JessM Fri 13-Jan-12 18:27:55

That is quite funny grannyactivist .