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parents night and school reports..grandchildr en

(43 Posts)
bikergran Fri 02-Mar-12 08:47:42

Here in Lancashire it is school report and parents nights....just wondering how any other grandparents have gone on with their grandchildrens reports and had feedback from Parents nights?
Reason I ask is: grandson (5. yr 1 ) had his school wasnt bad but wasn't glowing! then last night at parents night (my daughter and ex partner went whilst grandson and I was at the park)... and they came out devasted!! they were told that grandson is "disruptive in class, chattering all the time, does not get on with his work and has to be made to stay in at playtimes to finish his work (although apparently this make no difference)! we knew nothing! about all this, no feedback no "can you come into school , to have a chat) the school he goes to is a methodist and is quite strict on schooling, and a much sought after school to get into. if it was only 1 teachers that commented then not too bad..but for 2 to comment! grandson does his work/reading at home quite willingly and letters/sums etc. I know when the teachers are telling us about our little dears and we think(have they got the right child! as it comes out normaly a glowing report) as we were expecting..but this has totaly taken us aback!
His mum (my daughter) and ex have had many a split/argueing/back together/then split etc etc ...and I am wondering that now has all this effected him and he is rebeling, his attention span is very low he soon gets fed up of doing things..I have had words this morning but he then starts crying so I have left it as I didnt want him upset going to school..he is a bright child, but has now been moved down from top group to middle group and they are now looking at lower group...his mum had words last night whilst he was in the bath.....have any other grandparents had reports of grandchildren .not doing their work at school etc,,,? or any comments on schooling..?

JessM Fri 02-Mar-12 09:28:25

Hum. Labelling a 5 year old as disruptive is not impressing me!
5 year old boys often have a short attention span
Grouped according to ability at 5 is also I suspect unusual.

susiecb Fri 02-Mar-12 09:30:19

Oh yes my darling bright happy GS had iffy reports until he was 7 saying much the same thing. I reassured my DS saying it was much too early to expect all that they did of him and with some patience and input from school and parents he would settle down and be a nice average (not special or gifted but average) little boy and hey presto here is being just that. I do hope the same for your GS.

em Fri 02-Mar-12 09:39:37

Agree with JessM about ability grouping for 5 year-olds and also that 'settling in' takes time and patience. The worst aspect seems to be that the report was fairly neutral so the criticisms came as a shock on the night. Communication between home and school must be poor if there was no note of concern, no invitation to come in for an informal chat. I always placed more emphasis on the ongoing informal approaches to parents than on the strictly formal aspects.

Annobel Fri 02-Mar-12 09:56:21

The school is at fault because they should have been in contact with the child's parents informally instead of springing it on them in the context of a parents' evening when contact is generally time-limited. There really is no excuse because schools nowadays have plenty of ways in which they can contact parents - phone, text, email - asking them to drop in for a chat. There is no need to be alarmist about a 5-year-old. And certainly no call for ability grouping. And please, biker, don't 'have words' with your GS - this will alienate him from school - make him think of it as some kind of punishment. Carrot rather than stick!

tanith Fri 02-Mar-12 09:59:32

Both my grandsons have had similar comments made in school reports throughout their schooling , they are now 13/14 one has settled down and is much better the other who is bright does excellently (top groups) in maths, science and anything to do with computers but refuses to work in any class that he's not interested in. He doesn't work in the classroom and won't hand in homework, my daughter has exhausted herself trying to get him to see he can't pick and choose which lessons to learn in and I think the school are just totally fed up with arguing with him to no avail.. I don't know what the future holds for him he seems to have a mind of his own.. his writing is appalling , he's had all the remedial classes but nothings worked.. the school seem to be leaving him to it now .
My only advice would be keep talking to the school and he's got time to change yet..

Carol Fri 02-Mar-12 10:08:06

My grandson's schooling has suffered in the last year, probably because of the parental separation, and he avoids doing his homework, loses his PE kit on a regular basis, can't generally be bothered. My son has asked again and again for information and feedback, and said he wants to speak to the head and teachers, but until today, they have only given him lip-service. This time he has put his foot down and has an appointment this afternoon. Last time he went in, ex-DIL had written 'father not known' on the information she supplied ot the school and he had to correct it when he asked to see the records they kept. No wonder they were sidelining him. Parents really do need to rise above their differences to protect their children and show a united front for them.

Charlotta Fri 02-Mar-12 10:17:29

Perhaps a bit less TV would help? I was school at 5 in the days when you just sat down at a desk all day, 50 in the class and no one being so disruptive. I'm not saying that this is how children should be tought but the human child can behave like that, as seen in Japan and China where children have to sit still.
I remember being moved from top table downwards and then back up again. Its belongs to another age.
About the TV. This means that the parents have to turn the blessed thing off as well. Its worth a try.
As to the school issuing reports at that age. Its impossible. It is a well known fact that reading and writing skills are aquired beween the ages of 5 and 7 and some children are not ready for school at 5, and in Europe would not be in school at that age.
As for this little boy, you could teach him at home! And put him in school a year later. He will then probably know more than the others. That happened with my nephew's children, they entered school officially at 8 and 9 years of age and had no trouble at all.

bagitha Fri 02-Mar-12 10:32:16

Einstein was an abject failure at school.

Shrug it off, biker! People are far too serious about schooling nowadays and forget that children learn through play.

Carol Fri 02-Mar-12 11:03:06

Hear! Hear! bags

grannyactivist Fri 02-Mar-12 12:43:12

Whilst I agree with you Baggy I also know that the likelihood is that there will now be an undercurrent of unease about the boy and his schooling which will not easily be dispelled. Makes me sad!

bagitha Fri 02-Mar-12 12:51:16

It makes me angry as well as sad, ga, when schools are so clumsy (dare I say incompetent?) in their handling of five year olds and their communications with parents. Their methodism is missing some method, methinks.

Greatnan Fri 02-Mar-12 13:11:59

Poor little fellow, having both his gran and his mother 'having words' with him! He sounds interesting and feisty and will probably grow up to be inventive and resourceful. Perhaps he would fit in better in a less strict school?

harrigran Fri 02-Mar-12 14:10:35

I think just about every parent has had a report from teacher that suggests the child is less than perfect. They are just out of babyhood for goodness sake ! I understood that teachers were there to guide the little ones. My GD could be disruptive but she does dance nicely !

goldengirl Fri 02-Mar-12 14:31:18

My GD has a notebook in which either the teacher and/or parent can ask a question, pass a comment or just write a note about something and the other will respond. This seems to work well as any issues get nipped right in the bud. If your daughter finds other parents like the idea then perhaps they can approach the PTA or mention it to the Head directly.

bikergran Fri 02-Mar-12 15:10:00

Hello...and thanks for comments.... when I say I had words this morning..I didn't mean harsh words...perhaps I phrased it wrong,,,, I just brought it up in conversation to hear his side of things.... my daughter had words or should I say a "conversatin " with him during bathtime last no I really wouldnt have "harsh" words with him (not much point as he would just start crying)! I have had a word with one of the teaching assistants who lives across the road whom I chat to pretty often and she told me not to her son was exactly the same when he moved from reception to year 1..apparently some take time to adjust from reception then going into yr one...also my grandson is the youngest (although you wouldnt think so with looking at him, maybe thats part of the problem they think he is older than what he is) DD has rung school this afternoon and apparently GS has worked hard this morning having been seperated to work on his own...DD has asked the school that in future would they let her know..prior rather than leaving it and it come as a big shock on the night!also his dad went to parents night with DD and of course wasn't very happy with the outcome...but maybe if he spent a little more time with his son then!!!

There has been a lot of upset as their little kitten had to be put to sleep last Thursday and the second kitten has had to go back to the animal rescue place for various other reasons(biting/scratching/attacking, ) being a little devil.....the other one was so gentle......both from same a lot going on at home etc..we are off to his swimming lesson hopefully a new week next week!!! thanks all for

Annobel Fri 02-Mar-12 16:19:28

Children are being taken into school far too early. Two of my GSs are summer babies and both started school at only just over 4. One of them has a big sister and is tall for his age, so settled in well. Not so sure about the other one, though now, in year 1, he seems to be happy enough and is performing to predicted standards.

JessM Fri 02-Mar-12 16:35:45

Just a thought. A young relative of mine was labelled as naughty because there was one a group of little boys that set each other off.
So a move in terms of seating can be useful.

Bez Fri 02-Mar-12 17:07:44

Sometimes small children love the company of others the same age and see school as a place for socialising more than learning. Does he have lots of friends his age out of school too?
He is very young still at 5 to be labelled anything - does he like writing and drawing type things when he is at home and if so are his efforts co-ordinated? If his fine motor control is not fully developed he may find it frustrating if the results he produces are not as good he would like or his peer group. Did the school give any idea as to whether or not they felt he had a specific problem with anything?
My youngest GS has a birthday in Sept and the year he was 5 he was showing no interest about school or writing etc. As they live in USA my DS and Dil were able, with no problem, to say they felt he would be better waiting a year to go to formal schooling - he remained at his pre school group with more hours added and when he started at almost 6 he was ready and willing and is making great progress. We knew he was clever enough as he has always shown great powers of logical thinking and relating one thing he knows to a completely different problem for a solution.
I often thought that in UK we are too hung up on what children can or can't do at a certain age - this is not helped either by the school-gate chat that goes on at some schools with people bragging about the reading book their child is on etc- or as we had a case of a dinner lady who heard a few children read one lunchtime afterwards telling a mother her child was behind so and so!!
Children mature in different ways and as long as progress is being made what more can you ask for.

Carol Fri 02-Mar-12 17:11:24

My son went into school this afternoon, having asked for a meeting with form tutor and head. He had put his foot down, as ex-DIL had been telling him untruths, such as - 'your son needs to see a psychologist because his head is all over the place and it's all your fault, you .... bleep bleep!'

What the problem really was, was grandson not doing homework, disappearing off from lessons, pretending he had completed homework by stapling homework sheets together and handing them in - when teacher checked, they were blank. Mother was supposed to be checking he was doing and completing homework, as agreed with solicitor, because she would not let my son have access to him - he was the one who always ensured work was done.

The meeting went really well, my son suggested a book for grandson to carry round each lesson so teachers could note whether he had done his work, mother to sign each night he has homework, and father to see the book each week, then a meeting again in a fortnight, this time to include grandson, so he can see everyone is in the loop.

My son asked about the psychologist - no such plans at all - they did ask him if the educational psychologist could cast her eye over grandson's reports in case she has anything constructive to add, when she next calls in the school - she visits fortnightly. Ex-DIL didn't say a word!

This meeting gave my son access to his son this afternoon - all went well. Grandson asked to see his dad, mum couldn't stop him today, and he is seeing him on Monday, Tuesday (his birthday) and Wednesday, when he will take him out clothes shopping, without mother being present. Result!! I am taking him to the cinema on Sunday and will see him on his birthday.

One happy little boy and his dad, and the school now realise that my son is not 'father unknown' which ex-DIL had written personally on their record.

I've written before about a few chickens coming home to roost - it's a hen-house full today! Thank goodness!

bagitha Fri 02-Mar-12 17:18:21

Smiling for you, carol! Great news! sunshine

Butternut Fri 02-Mar-12 17:25:13

One happy little boy and his dad AND a very happy Carol. smile

bagitha Fri 02-Mar-12 17:33:23

bez, I enjoyed reading your post. Such good sense! I do wish more people would stop and think a bit more in such ways.

One way I found of putting a stop to the competitive reading comparisons was to simply never know what "reading book" my kids were on. I saw that they were reading (usually not school books as it happens); I saw that their reading (drawing, writing, numeracy, whatever) was progressing. If anyone asked what level of anything they were on I answered truthfully: "No idea! but she seems to be doing allright."

Gally Fri 02-Mar-12 18:07:04

carol grin

syberia Fri 02-Mar-12 18:28:08

Carol thanks