How I wish I could say enough is enough....

Littlenellie, how do we keep going, I often wonder? Is it a mother/woman thing? Are we just so, so strong that our backs only bend a bit beneath all the burdens, but never break? I don't want to upset or offend the granddads on here, but in my own experience, I've only seen the female of the species being the ones who take on all of the pressures that family problems bring. I don't mean that the men do nothing (though some don't). I just mean that we seem to try to cover every side of every problem. Then we have to deal with the balancing of the emotional side of things to keep the family happy and provided for, whether it be calming down situations that are ready to blow, or pretending that it really is no trouble/expense to feed or do washing/make room for those who need us to help them. Sometimes we feel so stretched that there is nothing left of us for ourselves. And so we pretend we're alright. And because we pretend we're alright, those who need us so much believe what we want them to believe, and we get more and more stretched and stressed, and then we become ill, because our bodies make us slow down. I know you know all of this, but I really do feel for you. I do so wish, as soop just said, that we could help you somehow. xxx

Just don't know what more to say, as they have said it all.
My heartfelt sympathy - I hope you find a way forwards soon.
Could you talk to your GP and ask if social services can help. hugs

ahh soop you are not to feel guilty as you haven't done anything except be a friend and chat ,I tend to keep things to myself until all of a sudden I blow,things have been stressful since February when we where involved in a nasty car accident,with a foreign 44 tonne lorry we where lucky to get out alive and unscathed,compensation has been a long time being sorted as driver /Lorry details had to be traced through foreign insurers and. Ot sure of they could be traced,insurance wasn't enough to buy another car of same age and value so have to get a considerably older one which is essential due to our location,all seemingly seperated incidents just crank up until you cant take much more also GP has cut the dose of my antidepressants as she says the dose I was on has shown in research to cause heart problems in the elderly!! Is that me ? And I should cut my dosage....actually seeing. My catalogue of woe today am not surprised I feel like this....just hope I haven't brought you all down as well with my moaning...thank you all so much....love you allxxxxxx

Littlenellie I'm feeling guilty! I had no idea how mush stress you're dealing with. You put on such a brave and cheerful face. You make us laugh and I've been longing to have you back so that I may laugh with you. How silly I've been. If you can think of anything that would cheer you and that is within my power to do for you, please say.

Just caught up with this thread - I'm so sorry you've got all these problems, nellie. Like the others, I wish I could help, but have no additional advice to give, except keep telling yourself things will work out in the end! It must feel as though you're living in a madhouse - try to take some time out for yourself, though I know it's easier said than done! x

Thanks green as soop says I have tears in my eyes from reading your lovely post,I know I am not the only one who has these problems,most of the time I cope ,but I am feeling the effects from the stress which is why my BP is sky high,but when your kids need help and there is no other family willing to help,as usual it falls to me to sort it out...might be easier if it wasn't school holidays as E is very demanding of time money,food,entertainment,and I find it exhausting to keep thinking of ideas weekends,holidays to keep her amused...we live in a a village where there are one two buses a day and her friends from school live miles away,I then get in a situation where I am collecting/delivering having sleepovers which are very rarely returned.

nellie I wish I had some good advice for you but I am completely stumped about what you can do other than let off steam. The only thing I can suggest is that you go for a long walk on your own. Your being there all the time isn't helping them get on so what have you got to lose? Make you son look after E some of the time, it won't kill him!

green Your message to Nellie brings tears to my eyes. How I wish that I could be of some help to her.

Littlenellie - you just do not need all this, but that's bloomin' life, eh! Sometimes good things hardly ever happen, and all the bad things fly at you 10 things at a time. Can you walk away for a few hours, and let them all get on with it? They would have to get on with it, if you collapsed from all this stress that's building up for you. Your shoulders will be up around your ears just now. You do know that all this will settle, though, don't you? My other 'arf just doesn't get on with our son. In fact they just don't get on with each other, if I'm honest. I really think that if none of the family ever came back to the house the other 'arf would be as happy as Larry. That makes me angry and annoyed and sad. It's how it is though. Your OH is doing his best and I'm sure your lad is as well. It's been a terrible, terrible time for you - bless you - you'll get through it, and in the meantime, here's a warm arm around your shoulders and hoping for a bit of sunshine in your life.

Thank you lovely soop and all of you for your replies,am feeling up against it today and not looking forward to the next few months letting off steam does help.
I like peace and quiet in order to collect my thoughts and deal with things,I as I get older cant deal with people in my face all the time,also feel as though I have aged in the last 6 months,I will be 60 in December,am being pressured to return to work by DWP Iam on ESA following two breakdowns after Kate died,cannot 'retire' till september2015...everything is just a mess and uncertain...certainly got the miseries today...

Littlenellie If letting off steam helps...then blast away. There won't be a GN who cannot empathise with you. I feel choked! You're such a good person. Life needs to give you a break.

Dear Littlenellie Bless your cotton socks! You shouldn't have so many dramas to cope with without being able to enlist help from other family members. I have to agree with Mishap. You need to be kinder to yourself. If I lived just along the road from you, I would pop in and sort out your ironing. As for the poor dog, gracious me, that sounds awful. My heart goes out to you, sweetie pie. You're in my thoughts.

He does offer to help but OH is home from college also and we are all falling over each other,he doesn't have a bedroom so his stuff is spread in an already bulging at the seams house...do try and keep the peace between two men and soothe things over as I know OH does resent as he sees an intruder,already keep peace between him and E as they can rub each other up wrong way..all I need is for E to go on the rampage as well through boredom and not spending the holidays as she would like

It looks as though you spend a lot of time being kind to others - time to be kind to yourself. We cannot be all things to all people.
Please look after yourself.

Thanks another drama just occurred the flipping dog has just eaten some weed killer that had fallen from the shelf in the shed,completely obliterating the packet so we don't know what was in it...we have pet insurance son has none ..and we are being asked if we can dog to the vet...more money.
gracesmum thanks for your kind words...
greatnan yes he is applying for job seekers but that will take an age to come through,but there is a shortage of work in this area..he doesn't have a penny to his name,because of Kerry's illness he became her carer but they had to live on benefits so money was always tight....he will move out but I fear not in the foreseeable future.

Maybe wishful thinking, but could he not at least help with the laundry and generally around the house, especially with work going on?

This is heartbreaking , sympathy

My dear Nellie - how I wish I could help you. It may seem harsh, but do you not think it is time for your son to be independent? Where would he be living if he did not have you to bail him out? He must be entitled to some benefits.
You are going to collapse if you keep trying to look after so many people.

All I can send is some sympathy, some virtual and the hope that somehow y ou can salvage a few moments to yourself and your DH to keep you going through what sounds like a nightmare and xxx