My older daughter had a little boy last year, my first grandchild. Her father and I divorced in the early 90s and I have been on my own since. When my daughter first got together with her partner they lived on the top floor of his parents' house for some years. They now live in a small flat not that far from the house, and a little further from where I live. The other grandparents - my daughter's "in-laws" - are financially and, I think, emotionally secure, having been married and lived in the same house for 35 years, and having had solid employment all that time. They offer their son and my daughter the use of their house, and offer financial and other practical support too. Until the little boy starts nursery, the other grandmother and I have each been looking after him one day a week so my daughter can work and bring in some much needed money - she and her partner are struggling financially.
I too struggle financially and often feel very lonely. I feel I cannot compete with the other grandparents, with their big, comfortable house and their years of security. Irrational, I know, but I sometimes feel they are "taking over" and I feel marginalised and excluded. I have particular difficulty with the other grandmother who I find annoyingly chirpy. Our grandson's first birthday gathering was hosted at the other grandparents' house - the first I knew it would be held there was a day or two before. Again, I felt overlooked and ignored. I brought this up with my daughter (not in the most appropriate way, I agree) and now she is angry and upset because, rightly, she does not feel it her job to reassure me and she has so much on her plate anyway. I would, though, have liked her at least to have acknowledged my feelings.
Now I don't know what my relationship is with her - am I just a babysitter? If I am to avoid talk of feelings, what kind of relationship is that? I also feel that if I didn't look after the little boy on a regular basis, I would barely see my daughter at all as she just wouldn't think to make contact with me. I would so love a proper connection with her and a loving, open relationship.
I feel I have rather made a hash of recent events.
Has anyone else had a similar experience and can anyone offer any advice and insight about the way forward?
Fergie Tue 20-Nov-12 12:42:45
jO5 Tue 20-Nov-12 12:50:37
jO5 Tue 20-Nov-12 12:51:52
NannaJeannie Tue 20-Nov-12 12:55:28
Fergie Tue 20-Nov-12 13:00:50
Sel Tue 20-Nov-12 13:01:18
Fergie Tue 20-Nov-12 13:10:31
Sel Tue 20-Nov-12 14:07:38
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Ella46 Tue 20-Nov-12 14:48:35
Mishap Tue 20-Nov-12 14:56:46
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harrigran Tue 20-Nov-12 15:12:41
Smoluski Tue 20-Nov-12 15:24:51
tanith Tue 20-Nov-12 15:31:17
jO5 Tue 20-Nov-12 15:44:16
soop Tue 20-Nov-12 15:57:59
Marelli Tue 20-Nov-12 16:09:29
annodomini Tue 20-Nov-12 17:00:54
NannaJeannie Tue 20-Nov-12 17:20:32
Granny23 Tue 20-Nov-12 17:39:05
Nonu Tue 20-Nov-12 18:05:37
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kittylester Tue 20-Nov-12 18:14:59
glammanana Tue 20-Nov-12 18:18:56