Gransnet forums


or even childish - but does anybody understnad how I feel?

(74 Posts)
gracesmum Fri 25-Jan-13 14:58:18

I belong to a book group, have done for about 15 years. Great group of women, have become close trusted friends, but over the years we have lost a few by the wayside - 1 moved away, 2 sadly, died, 2 had to give up attending regularly because if pressure of work but we see them at the occasional lunch so of course there have been some new members. The latest recruit is somebody I do not warm to, but 2 good friends think the sun shines out of her every orifice so I keep mum and wonder if I have perhaps misjudged her.
Recently I seemed to have been missed off the group email address list and although it wasn't serious, I felt a bit out of things when it transpired we had agreed to buy a big bouquet for a member who has been ill, so I was in the dark as to why the others started putting money on the coffee table! No problem there but what hurt was that the relevant email had gone round the group, been replied to, added to and nobody noticed I wasn't on it. When I commented(tongue in cheek with an smiley) I got a reply from the aforementioned newest member , saying"*Tan-trum*!" I imagine she was trying to be funny but I felt hurt. Maybe a little "Sorry GM, oops, simple oversight, etc "would have just restored my amour-propre but I just want to walk away. Of course I won't as I would be cutting off the proverbial nose.

Silversands Fri 22-Mar-13 22:59:01

I am a newbie on this site but so far have felt most welcomed, but I do empathise with you, I have been in a similar situation and it is hurtful if, for whatever reason you feel out of the loop. Perhaps the new girl on the block was just trying to make herself out as the `joker` of the group because she is unsure where she fits into a well established group. However, if there was perchance any intentional disrespect towards you then I think you should take the wind out of her sails by being exceptionally nice towards her next time the group meets. This would put her immediately on the back foot and reinforce in the minds of the original group just what a nice person you are. Remember the old adage `Keep your friends close but keep your enemies even closer!` Hopefully though this will all shortly blow over and you will become genuine friends.

maxgran Wed 06-Mar-13 11:16:48

I would never notice if someone had been left on an email. I don't look at who is on the address list.
I don't think there was an intention to upset you but perhaps you are ready to be upset due to how you feel about the new member?

Also - why be 'tongue in cheek?' Isn't it best to be direct and ask why you had been left off the list ?

For all you know - that newest member may have picked up on your dislike of her and maybe posting somewhere about how you have been unwelcoming or making her feel unwanted??

Sometimes - we concentrate so much on how WE feel - we fail to recognise the effect we have on others.
There is always more than one way of looking at something.

gracesmum Sun 03-Mar-13 18:58:40

Awl to eesally grin

Faye Sun 03-Mar-13 00:33:50

I didn't notice the typo until you mentioned it, Gracesmum, now I am shocked, how could you do such a thing. #sacrilegeflippingbleh grin

gracesmum Sat 02-Mar-13 23:46:51

jadey - knd thought, but I think I did get it off my chest, don't you? I still cringe at the typo though grin!!!
As I said - I have forgiven (maybe hmm) but I never forget wink

Jadey Sat 02-Mar-13 23:17:14

gracemum couldnt you speak to someone about it, you know get it off your chest. Dont be a victim, if they dont want you there it will be their loss!!

And in my Mums words ### them

Personally I think that there was no bad feeling intended.

Apologies but I do get a bit angry when people are treated badly.

Eloethan Sat 02-Mar-13 22:51:04

Her behaviour was very rude and hurtful. With her complete lack of manners and sensitivity, no doubt she will upset someone else in the group before too long.

glassortwo Wed 30-Jan-13 21:33:14

wink thats the way grace

gracesmum Wed 30-Jan-13 21:31:35

I have risen - I am above it ! smile I can forgive, but I never forget [mysterious] emoticon

mrsmopp Wed 30-Jan-13 21:29:34

Just say to her, "Only spoilt children have tantrums so You should know all about that" Smile and walk away.
Dignity intact.
Rise above it,- it doesn't matter.

specki4eyes Sat 26-Jan-13 23:25:53

gm you are right to feel aggrieved. I would address the whole group and point out not only how hurt you were but how that bitchy response made it a hundred times worse. Why shouldn't you? - she copied that to everyone - she deserves to be exposed as a potential troublemaker. As they all know and love you of old, they will understand. There's too much turning of the other cheek these days - if you let it go, she will probably never know that she has caused pain.

whenim64 Sat 26-Jan-13 21:02:20

Devastated, eh? Well, that sounds like an appropriate emotion for the situation (not!). Rise above it gm. You know she knows that you know what she's up to (dizzy now!) grin

glassortwo Sat 26-Jan-13 21:02:06

grace they say keep your friends close and your enemies even closer wink

merlotgran Sat 26-Jan-13 20:59:21

Methinks she speak with forked tongue, gracesmum. Put it behind you but keep one step ahead of her. wink

Bags Sat 26-Jan-13 20:54:30

We're right behind you, gm. Don't let the something crossed out lady get you down.

gracesmum Sat 26-Jan-13 20:46:46

Apparently she is devastated that she upset me - not that I have even had a jokey "Oops sorry" or anything.Yeah, right. I will put it behind me but it doesn't bode well for the future.....................[mysterious] emoticon

granjura Sat 26-Jan-13 20:15:39

At least it wasn't the (re) recent favourite 'calm down dear...'. I'd be upset too, but would try and put it behind me asap.

whenim64 Sat 26-Jan-13 16:41:49

It's ko - we unnersnad garcesmum grin

gracesmum Sat 26-Jan-13 16:33:24

gringrin I wish you lot were in my book group - it would be hilarious!
But how I wish I hadn't made a typo in the thread title - it jumps out at me every time I look at it! blushblush

kittylester Sat 26-Jan-13 16:07:17

Gracesmum, I've just caught up with this. I can understand how you feel but maybe you should have invited some men to join and let her play with them to keep her out of trouble. sunshine

Nonu Sat 26-Jan-13 16:01:08

But Grace. said she does flick her hair and simpers . Well she is not doing that for other women .

Should I use good old fashioned carbolic ? oh no I can"t haven"t got any !

laugh !!!

sunshine stil got a smigen here

annodomini Sat 26-Jan-13 15:49:00

Nonu, haven't you heard that 'a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle'?

whenim64 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:30:25

Wash your mouth out, dear Nonu grin

petallus Sat 26-Jan-13 15:18:47

Er..... !!

Nonu Sat 26-Jan-13 15:14:13

Why does your description of said woman not surprise me at all ? Perhaps if she gets a bloke she might be sweeter !!!!