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or even childish - but does anybody understnad how I feel?

(73 Posts)
gracesmum Fri 25-Jan-13 14:58:18

I belong to a book group, have done for about 15 years. Great group of women, have become close trusted friends, but over the years we have lost a few by the wayside - 1 moved away, 2 sadly, died, 2 had to give up attending regularly because if pressure of work but we see them at the occasional lunch so of course there have been some new members. The latest recruit is somebody I do not warm to, but 2 good friends think the sun shines out of her every orifice so I keep mum and wonder if I have perhaps misjudged her.
Recently I seemed to have been missed off the group email address list and although it wasn't serious, I felt a bit out of things when it transpired we had agreed to buy a big bouquet for a member who has been ill, so I was in the dark as to why the others started putting money on the coffee table! No problem there but what hurt was that the relevant email had gone round the group, been replied to, added to and nobody noticed I wasn't on it. When I commented(tongue in cheek with an smiley) I got a reply from the aforementioned newest member , saying"*Tan-trum*!" I imagine she was trying to be funny but I felt hurt. Maybe a little "Sorry GM, oops, simple oversight, etc "would have just restored my amour-propre but I just want to walk away. Of course I won't as I would be cutting off the proverbial nose.

Nonu Fri 25-Jan-13 15:01:53

Better still , as why didn"t she keep her proverbial t--- shut as a newer sunshinemember .

janey Fri 25-Jan-13 15:02:03

Not unreasonable. Would definantley have felt the same.

Nonu Fri 25-Jan-13 15:02:35

sunshine should have been last !

janeainsworth Fri 25-Jan-13 15:05:41

I would have felt hurt too Gracesmum. Is there one particular member responsible for co-ordinating email addresses and so forth?

gracesmum Fri 25-Jan-13 15:12:43

No, it was pure chance that one person started it and presumably the others just hit "Reply all" and nobody noticed I wasn't ccd in! sad

Ana Fri 25-Jan-13 15:14:21

Not unreasonable at all, gracesmum, and I would class the new member's comment as 'childish' in the extreme...hmm

Grannylin Fri 25-Jan-13 15:21:52

Sometimes when the list is long grace you don't see all the names listed...don't be hurt, keep going, just give her the benefit of the doubt..( and avoid her like the plaguegrin)

jeni Fri 25-Jan-13 15:35:58

I'd have :- 1. Thumped her
2. Burst into tears
3. Walked out?

Probably not the best response but that's me!

I'm a sensitive little big flower!

Movedalot Fri 25-Jan-13 15:36:39

I think it would be easy not to notice. It always amazed me at work that one guy did read all the email addresses and noticed if someone was missed or was still on and shouldn't be.

I think the newbie probably thought she was being funny but should not have said that until she knew you well enough to know you would see it that way.

Don't let it worry you though, in the overall scheme of things this is not such a biggy as you have been going so long and enjoy it.

grrrranny Fri 25-Jan-13 15:41:47

'Tan-trum' would have had me spitting feathers. How rude and childish to respond to you like that. Was the 'tan-trum' email only sent to you or was everyone copied in to it? Oh I am spitting feathers even though it wasn't sent to me. angry angry angry

merlotgran Fri 25-Jan-13 15:42:04

Don't get mad, get even, gracesmum. Your chance will come wink

gracesmum Fri 25-Jan-13 15:46:46

wink like it!

gracesmum Fri 25-Jan-13 15:47:38

grrranny I don't know anymore - I deleted it in my huff!!

grrrranny Fri 25-Jan-13 15:56:54

Pity gracesmum cos it could have been 'accidentally' forwarded to the other members of the group under the guise of 'isn't this funny' or something but as merlot said, your time will come and they will see that it isn't sunshine that is wafting around.

whenim64 Fri 25-Jan-13 15:57:13

It's easily done, but that doesn't excuse her rude behaviour. I have replied to group emails and received curt notes reminding me that I keep sending emails to someone who is no longer part of that group. Did the person who initiated the original email realise you weren't on it? I guess the others wouldn't have looked when replying.

yogagran Fri 25-Jan-13 16:17:06

grace although you deleted the email it should still be in your "deleted/bin folder". Have a look and see if you can find it

I would have been very upset and annoyed too, so you're not being at all unreasonable

j07 Fri 25-Jan-13 16:56:16

Put it behind you. Try really hard to forget it. Just try to be as pleasant to this person as you are to the rest of the group. Enjoy the books and the meetings. Hanging on to this will not solve anything. Let it go.

Like you say, nose/face.

annodomini Fri 25-Jan-13 16:57:41

My response would be a withering look and ignoring the said new member for the rest of the meeting, but being exceptionally nice to all the others. grin

Ariadne Fri 25-Jan-13 17:04:23

Stupid woman! Why don't you turn all the sweetness and light you can muster on to her, so that she is completely confused. It would take some doing, but might just be worth it. And the wonderful thing is, she'd have nothing of which to accuse you because you were being nice. (From Devious of Bideford)

Ceesnan Fri 25-Jan-13 17:17:26

I agree with merlotgran. Your turn will come, and remember -what goes around comes around.

Mishap Fri 25-Jan-13 17:56:05

Stupid woman indeed! - there's always one in any group!

I think I would have felt hurt to - but that does not mean that any hurt waas intended.

That dippy woman's response is a pain!

Perhaps you could propose that a proper email address list be put together and sent to everyone to makwe sure that no-one gets missed off again.

You could propose it in a constructive and neutral way. just pointing out that you would not want anyone to be missed out!

whenim64 Fri 25-Jan-13 17:58:18

I'm with Ariadne. The nastier people get, the more charming and polite I become. The contrast is difficult to maintain when the person being horrible starts to look unreasonable to the rest of the group. grin

Butty Fri 25-Jan-13 18:10:51

You could actually say to her and the rest of the group, in a straightforward and calm way, how you felt about being overlooked and being on the receiving end of a unwarranted comment. It seems you have some long standing and dear friends in the group - surely they would understand. In effect, you'd be standing up and saying 'I matter' - and I doubt very much you'd be forgotten again, and the silly woman would think twice before opening her mouth.

Ariadne Fri 25-Jan-13 18:14:25

Well, Gracesmum that's your support network set up! Shall we all come to the next meeting? grin