Gransnet forums


taking to nursery

(35 Posts)
fillygumbo Mon 25-Feb-13 22:43:58

last year my husband and I looked after dgs 2 days a week whilst parents at work, since then my daughter has had 2nd gc and now considering returning to work. I said from the very start that I was unable to look after 2 - cant cope and they have decided boys will go to nursery 2 days a week, now heres my problem she has asked me if I would take them both to nursery as she has to lea ve home at 7.30 and it dosent open until 8. I have said a rather weak no as to do this I would have to get up at 6.00am and just feel stressed at the idea of getting reluctant toddler and 8 month baby into outdoor clothing and getting the 2 organised.
My dd hasnt appeared to mind but has said if I cant help she cannot return to work so potentially I could be ruining her career, so what do you other grans think please AIBU?

fillygumbo Tue 26-Feb-13 20:06:16

thank you so much for your replies gransnetters, your advice much appreciated. I am going to stick to my guns and let them get on with it. If they manage to sort out other arrangements I can then be pleased to help out in an emergency situation.

Anne58 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:10:33

Good for you!

Her children are not your responsibility!

JessM Tue 26-Feb-13 21:10:19

Flexible working - you have the right to ask and employers need to consider, but they do not have to grant it, depends on "business needs".
Overwhelming agreement on this thread!
Not a lot of fun "taking to nursery" I did it for a while when DIL had a baby and stroppy 3 year old really took it out on me - the evil woman that took her to nursery when mummy was at home with the baby.
Not a fun part of grandparenting. I got yelled at a lot. "Don't say that nana! And what are you laughing about nana. Stop smiling I can see you in the mirror!" that sort of thing grin
My DIL works night shifts as a nurse at the moment. DS starts work early. they have employed a babysitter - a student - who works 6am til 8am. Solutions can be found.

nanaej Tue 26-Feb-13 22:39:05

It is a hard one for parent and grandparent. My DDs do not 'expect' childcare but will ask for help with daytime /pick up/drop off and evening childcare..we are the first port of call but if I'm busy they understand or say with a grin 'Outrageous, how dare you have a social life!'
I have volunteered to help with DD1 and will have DGS2 for a day a week from Easter whiih helps to make it worth while financially for her to work.

I would say my life is split 30/70 childcare / my time but I am happy with that and that is what matters. If the time came when they needed more (though unlikely) I would have to give it careful thought.

inishowen Thu 28-Feb-13 18:14:51

If you feel it's too much, it is too much! I'm 60 and find looking after my little granddaughter a couple of times a week absolutely exhausting. If my daughter had had her baby ten years ago I would have coped better. This may be the problem, we become grans much older these days.

Faye Thu 28-Feb-13 19:09:57

I would do it and would look after them in my own home or at their home so they didn't have to go to child care. If I didn't want to stay with them all day I would at least let them have a bit more time at home and take them later in the morning to child care, nothing worse than rushing little ones when they have just woken up.

I have just taken on another eighteen months looking after my youngest GC for four days a week while my daughter is doing a course. This year I had planned to do tai chi and some other courses but living in a rural area and out of town I now can't fit it in as we go shopping and have lunch in town on my daughter's day off. Still I have looked after D1's daughters for years and my son's eldest boy one day a week for a year, I can't say no to D2.

If I didn't say yes D2 couldn't do this course until later and I am getting much more than sleeping in. I get lots of time with my GD, she is adorable and will only be a baby for such a short time. I don't think my daughter is being selfish and I will help any of my children.

Lilygran Thu 28-Feb-13 19:44:15

What would your daughter do if you didn't live near? And I agree with Faye, until it's proper school, there's usually a lot of flexibility around when they can arrive and leave. We love having our DGS for holidays or going to cover for parents at other times but live too far away to make it a regular or routine arrangement. Our DS and DDiL have had to make other arrangements as many thousands do.

Mishap Thu 28-Feb-13 20:01:49

You are NOT ruining her career - do not buy into that one!

There is always a difficult balance to be struck between helping our children - and enjoying the GC at the same time - and doing too much.

I think the definition of too much is when you feel uncomfortable about it - I think you are at that point, and very reasonably so.

Some compromise is needed - you need to be able to be grandma - this is what my local DD always tells me.

harrigran Thu 28-Feb-13 23:31:06

Last weekend I informed DS that I was intending to visit his sister in May, his reply "that's not half term is it ?" hmm