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AIBU to think my mum-in-law should have given us more notice of her visit?

(63 Posts)
Bermeir Fri 01-Mar-13 13:47:35

She lives several hundred miles away. A letter arrived TODAY saying that she was going to visit us on sunday (!) and to ring if 'not convenient'. I am thoroughly hacked off with her about this. AIBU? I mean, why only a few days notice, why a LETTER and not what normal person would do and phone (email, even).

LullyDully Fri 01-Mar-13 14:29:14

She should have phoned surely. You ask about if a visit is convenient and should never assumes you can just turn up Amazing ,

Bags Fri 01-Mar-13 14:31:38

How much notice does she usually give? How long is she staying? Does she hate telephones? Does she usually write a letter? Did it have a first class stamp on it? How old is she? If you're cross about it perhaps you can think of a reason why it's inconvenient (though you don't actually have to give a reason).

Can't really tell if you're being unreasonable without more info.

Bags Fri 01-Mar-13 14:32:57

Is she only visiting you, or is she on her way to or from somewhere else and fitting trying to fit you in?

glassortwo Fri 01-Mar-13 14:34:41

Why does this thread and Bermeir ring a bell with me, off to school will have to look later.

Grannyknot Fri 01-Mar-13 14:41:27

I must be the easiest going person in the world. I'd probably be irritated about this for about 2 seconds, and then think "oh well, poor old thing, what's a day/afternoon out of my life" and then get on with my day and make some plans for accommodating her visit 2 days from now. Unless of couse I absolutely detested her and she intended to stay for months.

I quite like surprise visits - from mostly anyone!

JessM Fri 01-Mar-13 14:46:58

She does sound a bit old fashioned. Or is she a bit scared that if she calls, you will put her off OP?
It is not easy for many being a MIL.
Or (for most of us) being 100s of miles from your GKds.
Then there are other GMs would not bother to make the trip, they's expect to be visited.

Orca Fri 01-Mar-13 15:02:24

grannyknot I'm with you on this. Love visitors though if they descend at short notice must take as they find.....actually that's not true, they always have to take as they find no matter what the notice.

Grannyknot Fri 01-Mar-13 15:14:51

Orca you're so right, whatever happened to "pot luck", laying an extra place at the table etc. I don't care who comes to my house whenever.

I'm in Spain (till tomorrow, sob) and my husband was with me here for the first ten days, then went back to London for work. He was practically on his way out of here to leave for London when our son sent an email to say he'd be coming to ours for dinner that night "if that's okay" and would it be all right if he brought 2 friends? Husband said "Urgh" then "Sure" then "Seeing as I'm going to be cooking for 4 of us, why don't you invite XXX (another friend of ours) because his wife is away?" By all accounts they had a lovely evening although husband said he collapsed into bed exhausted once the young 'uns had all left. Makes life interesting.

Bags Fri 01-Mar-13 15:20:32

The spare bed in our house is always made up clean and ready for unexpected visitors. The fact that it's usually also loaded up with my patchwork fabrics and quilting projects is neither here nor there wink.

Orca Fri 01-Mar-13 15:21:08

That's it GK .. just throw in a few more tatties, or extra bread or vegetables etc. And there's always a spare room and a made-up bed. If folk don't like how we do it then they needn't bother coming again. But most do.

gracesmum Fri 01-Mar-13 15:32:26

Like many other grannies I know, I happily rearrange my entire life for the chance of seeing either any of the DDs or the DGC. "Not convenient"? It's your DH's mother for heaven'sake, does she need to make an appointment? What goes around comes around. "If theres' room in the heart, there's room in the home"

merlotgran Fri 01-Mar-13 15:34:50

Well said, gracesmum. A few days notice is enough, surely, unless you're about to leave for a holiday or have the plague.

Ana Fri 01-Mar-13 15:38:14

You're right, glass, Bermeir started a thread about her MIL visiting in January....similar sort of story but apparently there were ructions because they hadn't phoned the MIL to confirm.

gracesmum Fri 01-Mar-13 15:59:14

So it's MILs as well as elderly aunts (earlier thread) who are not welcome? Come on bermeir - you don't sound as if you want anyone invading your privacy?

Bags Fri 01-Mar-13 16:02:34

gm smile

Some people are natural hermits. Maybe that's all it is.

Bags Fri 01-Mar-13 16:03:17

oops. The smile is for a comment on another thread (about missionaries)

ginny Fri 01-Mar-13 16:13:31

It might have been better to have a bit more notice but unlessyou have other plans that can't be changed I don't think it is much of a problem unless she is planning on staying for weeks on end. Do you dislike her ?

harrigran Fri 01-Mar-13 16:25:07

hmm rings a bell with me glass a month or two ago Bermeir posted exactly the same message.

gracesmum Fri 01-Mar-13 16:30:53

16th, 17th and 19th January actually and now today. confused

annodomini Fri 01-Mar-13 16:31:35

Don't any of your older relatives own a phone, Bermeir? I speak to my sons and their OHs by phone or text them several times a week and then there's email too.They'd think there was something seriously wrong if I wrote a letter. Costs too much nowadays anyway!

Mishap Fri 01-Mar-13 16:40:43

If she did it every weekend I might mind - but welcome the old (?) girl in - it really isn't worth a family rift.

Anne58 Fri 01-Mar-13 17:08:48

The spare bed in our house is usually covered in cats. And if they aren't on it, you can see that they have been blush

JessM Fri 01-Mar-13 17:10:55

Most breathtaking example of unwelcome guest was one inflicted on someone who was in my antenatal classes. (she's famous now but then on local tv but will resist the temptation to name drop. just.). When she came out of hospital with first child her mum and dad turned up with an american visitor they happened to have staying. And this was to stay for a week. This IMO puts the OP's MIL so much in the shade that she is completely invisible. smile

Mind you, when David Cameron invited the shadow cabinet and the world's press to see him holding a meeting at home in his kitchen while he was on "paternity leave" - less than a week after SC had given birth, that also took my breath away.

Bermeir Fri 01-Mar-13 17:22:58

My dh is working sunday all day and -had she had the common sense to ring or email like a normal person who is fortunate enough to have their 5 senses- we could have told her this. It's the letter that irritates most.