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Bill sharing

(33 Posts)
celebgran Sun 03-Mar-13 08:32:10

Oh gosh am still fuming went out with our old "friends" restaurant was not very good my friend had steak sauce extra OH and I had the special s and k pud was not very good starters good tho which we all had friends husband had sweet neither of us did and they split the bill! Would not mind but since they inherited money they brag for England about their jag! Their 3rd. We are not going out with them again for meal!
I would not have minded if we had similar stuff who wants argue about bill. We always seem to be made mugs of!
We get on much better with our other 2 couples we socialise with sad when we been friends so long!

Maybe I am being unreasonable?
Have to explain they our estranged daughters godparents which does not help!

kittylester Sun 03-Mar-13 08:51:19

Doesn't it even out eventually celeb? We always split the bill on the basis that life is too short to worry about a few pence with friends. Maybe you have outgrown your friendship with these people. sad

MiceElf Sun 03-Mar-13 09:39:14

Getting angry about a pound or two is probably not doing you any good at all. If you are strapped for cash, then perhaps it's best not to go out for meals. If, on the other hand, you are comfortably off, does it really matter?

Barrow Sun 03-Mar-13 09:49:17

To a certain extent I can see where celebgran is coming from. When we would go for meals with friends we would split the bill and most of the time it evened itself out. However, there was one couple who seemed to take advantage. The wife would ALWAYS order the most expensive thing on the menu then just poke at it and leave most of it on the plate. The husband would insist on ordering the wine, which was always very expensive and white (we were red wine drinkers) so they would drink most of it. We always came away feeling we had been taken advantage of. This would happen every time we went out so eventually we stopped seeing them.

gillybob Sun 03-Mar-13 10:03:24

Wise words Kitty Mice and Barrow

If you can afford to put that wee bit more than you need to, in order to make life easy then I cannot see the problem. If you are struggling a bit why not make the rules clear before you eat? Something like " if its okay with you two we will just pay for what we have " they could hardly refuse could they? And if its neither of these well I think the answer to the question is that the friendship is probably on its way out.

gracesmum Sun 03-Mar-13 10:07:15

I can remember departmental meals where one member (who I know was very hard up at the time) would always order the most expensive things e.g. the "extra "charge" fillet steak or whatever and we used to just divvy up the bill. It was always so predictable, but the overall extra cost to the rest of us was minimal. So why worry. I think the only way woth friends is to simply split the bill - unless there are extenuating circumstances. Good friendship is worth more than the cost fo a steak or an extra bottle of wine.
However, were I lucky enough to be the "loaded" one - I might have the sensitivity to say "we'll split the bill but the drinks are on me" smile

celebgran Sun 03-Mar-13 10:16:21

I think you are right kitty it is sad after long while

No is not that we strapped for cash mice just don't like being taken for ride!

celebgran Sun 03-Mar-13 10:23:51

Graces mum you are wise if you knew the chap you would understand he would have no way split it if I had fillet steak plus sauce and oh had pud!
We are not petty! Just like most people do not like being taken advantage of.

Let it go just learn from it!

I expect we lucky financially as Oh works still works one day and we saved hard for retirement it irritates hell out of me when people brag about their car just seems so empty ! Thanks for comments feel sadly friendship on way out.

nanaej Sun 03-Mar-13 10:33:19

celeb Sound like you are ready to distance yourself from you 'friends' otherwise it would not really bother you.

We go out frequently with friends who drink a lot more than DH & I do so the drinks bill is always quite high & adds to the total ..but they are good friends and we enjoy their company so it's not a problem.

If however they were just acquaintances or people we saw infrequently then an insensitivity to cost would certainly put me off eating out with them again!

Movedalot Sun 03-Mar-13 10:41:34

We have the opposite problem with a friend who is very well off, he always insists on paying the bill which we hate. We are not poor and can afford to pay our way but I am sure he thinks he is being nice.

I have experience of 'going Dutch' in NL and it is not pleasant. I didn't realise the system so bought drinks for all and then later we went out for coffee so the 2 sisters thought they shoudl pay and I watched them sorting it out down to the very last euro cent. In the hotel breakfast was charged per item and DS took one look and said "I'll get yours Mum" he knew I would hate all that who had what stuff.

I feel that if you can't afford anything you want on the menu you should choose a different one. We always split the bill with our friends and family and I don't think anyone gives a thought to who had what and what it cost. I have to admit to not looking at the prices and just choosing what I like. We are not wine buffs so tend to choose a reasonably priced one.

celebgran Sun 03-Mar-13 11:03:30

Nanaej you Sunday very tolerant.

It would bother me if felt we were taking advantage like your friends. Well that is me a worrier.

Trouble is met lady 42 years ago and is long while to be friends we have got lot closer to other couples think that what's done it we no longer really enjoy their company especially the day who brags all time no need have far more than them just cannot see the point ! As my sister says we have son some thing they will never have despite our sad situ with daughter.

Roast in oven sun out god is in his heaven and all right with the world !

celebgran Sun 03-Mar-13 11:04:10

Meant sound of course drat iPad !

Tegan Sun 03-Mar-13 11:05:48

celebgran; I know exactly how you feel. The S.O. has a group of friends that we very occasionaly have a meal with and they always split the bill. Both the S.O. and myself have to be very careful with money these days [he was made redundant several years ago] and I've had to be careful with my finances since my divorce. Neither of us drink when we go out; he doesn't because he's driving and I hardly drink anyway and I can only manage the main course. They all have their own businesses etc so don't have to worry about money. I must point out that neither of us are stingy; anyone that comes to our homes will always be offered a meal and we would share our last pound with anyone that needed it but it hurts to pay so much more for a meal when we haven't ate much. We also know people that always let the the first round in a pub and then always [and I mean always] say for the next round 'we'll just have halves this time'. I don't think that paying for ones own meal when out socially is mean spirited [unless one is mean spirited in general].

celebgran Sun 03-Mar-13 11:05:59

Moveable can follow that kind but embarrassing we don't have any friends like that!

Have to add lady is client also ! Reg one so let it go!

celebgran Sun 03-Mar-13 11:07:27

Thanks Tegan you on my wavelength completely,!

nanaej Sun 03-Mar-13 11:20:15

celeb Do you think they brag about the Jag because that is their symbol of success? As you say you have a family, which they do not. I don't know them but maybe that is a source of huge regret to them?

Does not excuse them being insensitive to cost of meal though! If you met wife on your own is it a subject you could raise? Could you say that you enjoyed the meal and would like to do it again but you have to be careful with budgets so next time can we pay for our own meals as you have a set 'social' budget?

Another way round it is to find a place that does a set menu? Our lovely local posh Italian does an excellent lunch menu, with good choices for under £25 per head. Obviously there is still the issue of drinks!

Ana Sun 03-Mar-13 11:25:40

£25 a head? shock Seems a bit steep, for lunch.

Mishap Sun 03-Mar-13 11:33:27

We mostly go out for meals with people who know our financial circumstances and who are in a similar boat. We go to local pubs where £25 for a lunch is never a risk!

We just split the bill in two and never do the detailed maths. Life is too short!

But it sounds as though this couple are incomaptible with you financially and personally so perhaps gently drop off the practice of mutual lunches out. Not worth the hassle - it's supposed to be a pleasure!

merlotgran Sun 03-Mar-13 11:43:50

I think people get tetchy over who pays for what because it ALL costs so much these days. Even if you have a cut price main course or whatever 'offer' is on the menu, they will whack up the price of the drinks.

Back in the day you could afford to treat your friends and they would return the compliment when you next got together. These days you'd probably never hear from them again.

granjura Sun 03-Mar-13 17:48:40

We usually split the bill when we go out with friends - but we are always careful to sort of 'match' what we have - like not having a starter if they are not, or a pud if they aren't - and are sensitive to the cost of drinks, etc. If we do have wine and they do not, for instance, we would always offer to pay for drinks separately, etc. If we go out with friends whom we know are having a bit of a hard time financially, we would be extra careful with expense, and always make some sort of excuse for paying drinks, etc. I agree that it sounds like you've 'outgrown' that friendship, or it wouldn't guile you so much.

specki4eyes Sun 03-Mar-13 20:23:47

It's a sign of an effective and true friendship when friends who eat out together are sensitive about balancing things out - either whilst ordering or when the bill arrives. We have some very good friends with whom we dine out regularly. He usually orders expensive dishes and he drinks more than we do so he always skews the split up of the bill so that he pays a bit more. It's not necessary but it's a nice gesture and ensures that there's no resentment which could potentially mar our relationship.

We tend to drift away from 'friends' who set little store by sensitivity!

Nelliemoser Sun 03-Mar-13 21:16:16

MiceElf It is often not just a pound or two though. why should those less well off be obliged to stop going out as much? I used to have this with a group of colleagues who always share a taxi and have a drink. I lived a lot further away and had to drive. It would often be a Chinese banquet which was useless to us two vegetarians where the food was limited and our bill was usually about £10 less than the others. If it was a question of watching the pennies with regard to treats out, that amount is significant.

I still do object to splitting bills where the amounts are very unequal particularly with those who have alcohol and those who cannot drink out of choice or because they are the drivers.

Those who can afford the meals should out of politeness consider that others might not be so well off and not assume that this is not a problem. If they thought about this in advance the well off ones should be the ones to suggest that proportionate sharing would be fairer.

MiceElf Sun 03-Mar-13 21:24:05

Perhaps the answer would be to entertain each other in your own homes then you each have control of the finances.

If you want to eat in restaurants then you can go as a couple rather than as a foursome.

However, I really don't think that grousing over a bill is going to advance a friendship. Either you live in resentment unwilling to raise the issue or you raise it politely. If you can't do that, perhaps the description 'friends' is a misnomer.

celebgran Sun 03-Mar-13 23:54:31

Nanaej is quite amusing because they inherited their money somnomtheirvsuccess but yes not having their own family may upset them now they older.

They always treated our daughter their goddaughter like their own I guess and she cut them out at same time as us except she twists knife now and again by contacting them card or thank you note as they still send presents to her and our grand daughters.

Thanks for all helpful comments.

kittylester Mon 04-Mar-13 07:52:20

My brother in law once took us out for a meal insisting he would pay. Being terribly polite, we asked what he was having which turned out to the cheapest dishes on the menu. Obviously, when asked for our order, we followed suit. He then ordered much more expensive dishes for himself. angry. We now insist on going halves!!