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91 year old father

(36 Posts)
kassi Fri 15-Mar-13 18:56:09

My 91 year old father needs full time care. The problem is that he smokes 30 a day. No care home will take a smoker. Even smoking outside is no longer allowed. I am at my wits end with what to do. He has all his faculties and is totally aware of what is going on, but is nicotine dependant. A recent overnight stay in hospital saw him crawling the walls with nicotine withdrawal. Any suggestions welcome.

SloeGinny Sat 17-Jan-15 12:11:33

My Mum, a confirmed smoker, spent the last 2 years of her life in a care home. Residents had designated smoking rooms, with efficient extractors, and could smoke in the courtyard gardens when the weather was good. Staff would help non-mobile residents to get there. This was only 18 months ago, so there are care homes with facilities for smokers.

It wasn't something we set out to look for, but realised with hindsight that Mum wouldn't have consented to be somewhere she couldn't smoke. She said it was her only remaining pleasure. Like others, we didn't have a good experience with home carers.

durhamjen Sat 17-Jan-15 16:13:30

My mother-in-law is not a smoker, but she was in a home run by Barchester where staff would take residents out into the garden so both could smoke, in huts in the garden if the weather was bad.

Nonu Sat 17-Jan-15 16:55:21

This very sad for your Dear father and you, He doesn't seem to have much quality of life, I can"t add any more than previous posters , can only send kind thoughts across the miles.

Riverwalk Sat 17-Jan-15 17:01:01

I live near a BUPA home and often see a couple of residents outside having a smoke - it's a nice garden area with tables and chairs.

It's very cruel to forbid a man of that age a little pleasure.

I can see it could be difficult accommodating a 30-a day habit though.

Kassi have you thought of renewing your search for a home that permits smoking?

kassi Fri 27-Mar-15 17:11:43

Dad died on Monday. I am really really struggling to process this because I found some photos when clearing his room. They don't show the miserable old man that I visited. They show a happy, smiling man having a whale of a time. I feel down and confused and miserable.

loopylou Fri 27-Mar-15 17:16:31

I'm sorry to hear this Kassi, really sad time for you flowers
You're bound to be feeling low, you've lost a much loved father, with wonderful memories although the last few months have been happy.
I'm sure you did everything you could for him, hugs to you x

Eloethan Fri 27-Mar-15 18:39:57

kassi I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's death.

I think most people feel all sorts of conflicting emotions after someone close has died, and you are naturally upset that his last few months were not happy.

You were obviously concerned and distressed about your dad and you did your best in a difficult situation.

I hope when your sadness lifts you will remember those photos and the happiness they reflected.

loopylou Fri 27-Mar-15 18:47:20

Oops, meant not happy

harrigran Fri 27-Mar-15 19:06:24

So sorry kassi flowers

Mishap Fri 27-Mar-15 19:29:34

flowers for you kassi.