Only son and only grand daughter going to live in America

Butty , Jess and Granmaj flowers] flowers] and big hugs to you all.

Two of my grandchildren live in the next town and I have not seen them for 5 years. I miss them a lot but there is nothing I can do.

It's been a great learning step for me to read how many others share similar problems. Thank you all
I guess I just feel more easily overwhelmed because my brain injury makes me oversensitive to everything, sadly that's a physical problem that I can't do anything about. But many of your suggestions have made me determined to set up a regular Skype contact with GC. and NOT lose the joy of watching her grow up.
Its also good to feel part of the world with offerings from you all, as I have to spend a lot of time alone in silence. Thank you thank you for your help.

Hespian, it's similar for me with my DIL. Sadly I have to accept that's the way it. It's very sad. Although my Inlaws were super critical I was respectful and polite and encouraged a good relationship between them and grandchildren. Everyone is different is my mantra.

I'm new to Gransnet but immediately empathise with Ganmaj. I am incredibly lucky to have two wonderful GC very local to me who I see very frequently. However I am filled with sadness as I will soon have another GC but know that I will never be able to have a similar relationship with them as they are in Australia. All of this is made so much worse as my DIL there does not even speak to us. We are not really sure why as when she and our DS were in London (for three years) we were quite close and she spent a lot of time with us. They have now emigrated and live very near her family. My only conclusion is that she sees us as a threat to DS settling in Aus. He still has regular contact with us but there does seem to be a lot of tension caused by her attitude to us and we cannot even talk about it with him. I know he is torn. We did visit but she (and her family) made us very unwelcome and uncomfortable. We are also extra sad because our DD has also gone to live in the same city in Aus. It is interesting that she is getting the same treatment from DIL and family. I just keep thinking about what we are going to miss with the impending birth and it is hard to share DS's joy when we can only feel sadness.

On Friday my daughter will celebrate her 37th birthday in New Zealand where she lives and I hope to Skype her and wish her well. I'm glad she's where she wants to be and doing the job she loves, so I tend to reign in my own emotions and dwell as much as I can on the positives. (In all honesty I don't always succeed - some days I really miss her darn it!!)

I sympathise with those of you with family living far away. My ds1 has been in California for 11 years now. He married a Californian girl and they have two children, aged 3yrs and an 8-week-old. We are fortunate in that we have been to see the new baby already and are going again next month but every time we leave, or they leave us, the thought is always 'When will we see them next?'.

Oddly enough, for the past four years we have in fact been with my son either on or close to his birthday, which has been lovely. I doubt we shall ever be there to share the GC's birthdays, though. The 3yo is now becoming more interested in Skype and it is quite funny to see how he doesn't bat an eyelid when we sometimes turn up in his house - he is completely familiar with us.

In some ways I have been fortunate in that I almost didn't have time to miss ds1 when he first moved to America as I still had children at home (still do!) and we moved abroad ourselves for a few years so life was busy for us anyway. How we will manage as we get older is something I occasionally think about but I then park it somewhere out of the way when I can't find a solution.

Ganmaj, it takes a while to get used to family being far away, if one ever does. I have written before about all my grandchildren being in either in USA or Australia.
I cry quite often!!!
However Facetime is excellent (if you have an iPhone) as the children can wander around their house chatting to you and that does help.
As glammanana says, one should be proud that one's offspring has grown up to be independent and able to cope on their own.
Mine are all healthy and those who work have work, and that is some kind of consolation to me.
I do feel for you.

Thank you for that comment glammanana. I'm one of the many with a DS and DGC living abroad and your comment shines a different light on our feelings

I think that all of you who have close family living far away should be so so proud of yourselves for giving your DDs/DSs the opportunity to what they think is the right way for their live's to go you have all obviously brought your children up to be strong independant people who you should be proud of,this does not help with the wrench to your heartstrings that you must feel I send you all my heartfelt wishes.

My heart goes out to you all; the pain you talk about is so clear and I know all grandparents will empathise with you. These children of ours, and their children, are so integral to our lives, that being apart as you are must hurt every day. Love to you all - keep strong.

Butty Jess

Butty
I was with DS1 on his birthday last week - and suddenly thought "How many years - or even decades - is it since I last saw him on his birthday?"

A few days ago I felt pissed-off, at a loss. Couldn't settle. Angry even. When attempting to pin down why this was, I realised I was feeling really very sad at the loss of years that have flown by since my son moved to the States. 10 years. It was his birthday, and I couldn't give him a hug. A simple thing, yet having to watch from afar his growth, becoming a husband and a father can feel, at times, like a little grief. Grief comes in many forms.
It can't be grasped, held, shaken, hugged. It's an emptiness that can't be filled.
Yet my son is happy, so I gather myself and hug that.

I can empathise with your description of your sense of grief, Jess, having been deprived of contact with my grandson for several months, not knowing whether I would ever see him again. The sense of loss, helplessness and yearning was grief for me. Until it was unexpectedly resolved and I could see my grandson again, I certainly did grieve.

I put the smile in Jess to let you know I was not being confrontational. The word 'bereavement' is used too loosely sometimes and I can understand the sense of real grief and loss when a child moves put of reach in this way. So grief, yes. But though it may feel like a bereavement it just stops short of that finality.

Forgive me aka if my use of language is not up to my normal standards - jet lag after coming back from GKds visit.
Grief, undoubtedly, is normal when separations caused by migration occur in our lives. We grieve the loss of contact with our children and grandchildren.

Jess you feel bereft, but it is not a bereavement

Ganmaj, I know exactly how you feel. My only grandson was born in America, DIL is American and they will never live in the uk. I've seen him once in the 7 months since he was born and although can do Skype once a week it's nothing like the real thing. I have an iPad and my son has iPhone so we do something similar called FaceTime
It's taken me 7 months of heavy heart to accept I will never have the same relationship with him that I have with my 3 yr old step grandson who lives round the corner and whom I see several times a week.
Whenim64 is right, a 4 yr old will be excellent at contacting you over the Internet.
I can't offer any advice, just that I know exactly upsetting it is. Hope they come back to live in the uk soon x

Embrace the modern technology with all its benefits.
We had family in Canada when phone calls had to go through an operator and were wildly exspensive. Letters took ages to arrive and flying out to visit was beyond the means of most people.
Now you have wonderful skype, you can email and FB them and they will be able to afford to come back and visit.
If the brain injury prevents you flying out would it be possible to go by ship to see them? Though I do realise I dont know where they will be living.
We will all be thinking of you so keep us up to date.

Yes that is difficult. I live only my own but i am able to visit. Both my children and both my grandchildren are in the USA.

However, as has been said before, Skype is wonderful and very easy to use. I do think whenim is right. You have to say how you're feeling and let them know that you are available for Skype.Their lives will be busy but you are important too.

I hope things go well. The Internet is a wonderful thing and we are so lucky to live in this era. Things were so much different when joan emigrated so we are very blessed.

ganmaj my grandchildren are in Western Australia. Huge wrench when they went. It is a bereavement.
I agree that they might not settle in the US. Migration is not the picnic that some people (e.g. property abroad programmes) make it out to be. Homesickness, loneliness, being a "foreigner" and day to day realities (such as no NHS) can all loom large.

I hope Gransnet will continue to be a comfort to you, ganmaj. xx

ganmaj I have family in the States and it's not all bad. Yes, there are times when it's sad not to share real time with them, but they're a happy lot and I'm pleased about that.

Glad you've found GN a good place to be.

As an alternative to skype, there is Google+. I use this to phone my son on his mobile from my computer, or it can be used computer to computer screen (it's called a hangout), and it costs nothing. When it rings the special tone, the grandkids know it's us calling! Lots of fun.

Glove puppets are good to use, too! Lots of show & tell - from both sides - is very popular as well.

ganmaj this is very sad for you and you will have bad times when you miss them terribly. But if you can set up a Skype or other link it will help so much. Hang on in there.

Then your grandaughter will soon be au fait with Skype and will be able to chat to you to her heart's content. My four year old grandsons set it up themselves under mum's supervision, now. She could start learning before they leave, eh?