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AIBU

Girlie Lunch ---or is it?

(44 Posts)
trendygran Wed 12-Jun-13 17:21:21

Am I ,and another 'girl' friend, being unreasonable in becoming quite agitated that the OH of the other friend we often meet for lunch,always turns up to join us . Admittedly this is usually after we have eaten , but it does alter the 'girls' outing. We both know ,and like, our friend's OH, but not having him turn up EVERY time we meet. He phones to find out where we are and then turns up shortly after. Are we over reacting , or should we just give up being 'ladies who lunch'?

HildaW Wed 12-Jun-13 17:29:13

Really rather odd. He sounds a bit controlling to me...what does he think he is missing? I have found that the older I get the more I appreciate a female only environment from time to time. There is something so very relaxing about 'just being us girls' - don't have to do it often its just nice to know one can.

sunseeker Wed 12-Jun-13 17:33:11

Does he turn up when you are finished just to take her home?

gracesmum Wed 12-Jun-13 17:40:13

I agree - DHs should know their place! A friend popped round for coffee recently and DH insisted on joining us - I didn't like to tell him to go away as he doesn't get out much, but it cast a real damper on our gossip chat!

janeainsworth Wed 12-Jun-13 17:40:19

That's what I thought sunseeker
Perhaps he could be asked to lurk some distance from the lunch venue before taking her home, rather as I used to have to do when picking up the DCs from their nocturnal social activities during their teenage years grin

wisewoman Wed 12-Jun-13 17:45:32

How awful. Girlie lunches are different from lunches with OHs, each has their place. A girlie lunch means a good gossip and I think I would be inhibited if one OH turned up all the time!! Have you asked her why he does it?

Tegan Wed 12-Jun-13 18:06:13

I agree with Hilda; there seems something controlling about it [been there got the t shirt; still wearing it].

Nelliemoser Wed 12-Jun-13 18:12:18

You are not over reacting. It does sound controlling. Girlie or ladies, lunches should be just that. Very few men have the right attitude or sense of humour for such events

gracesmum Wed 12-Jun-13 18:23:27

Mind you....they do have VERY useful credit cards....hmm

JessM Wed 12-Jun-13 18:23:31

I don't think it is a case of "girlie" - I think married people ought to be able to have friends and meet them as on an individual basis and have some space to interact with others, without their OH always there. Also research has shown that men generally tend to dominate mixed conversations. One certainly has different kinds of conversations with different groupings.
Perhaps he is insecure and fears that OHs will be discussed in their absence hmm

ginny Wed 12-Jun-13 18:25:25

I agree. Girlie lunches should be just that. Having a man join in totally changes the conversation andatmosphere. Most DH's or SO's i know wouldn't want to join in.

Grannylin Wed 12-Jun-13 18:26:50

Perhaps he's has no friends of his own...I think a lot of retired men are quite lonely, even in a marriage.

annodomini Wed 12-Jun-13 18:39:29

Could she find a men's group he could join? My friend and I have our regular lunches when her OH (also a good friend of mine) is at his weekly Rotary lunch meeting.

Ella46 Wed 12-Jun-13 19:18:13

She shouldn't have to find him something to keep him occupied, she just needs to tell him to buzz off! hmm

JessM Wed 12-Jun-13 19:37:32

Men in Sheds seems to be getting quite popular...

Ella46 Wed 12-Jun-13 19:41:10

Best place for 'em!

Only joking wink

ninathenana Wed 12-Jun-13 20:05:31

Does he have confidence issues. Is he making sure she's where she says she is. And that its you she's meeting.

My friend and I have girly lunches. Our OH are quite happy to stay well away smile

grannyactivist Wed 12-Jun-13 20:54:30

Am I right in thinking that there are three of you 'ladies who lunch' and that it's the husband of the third woman who is the 'problem'? Maybe I'm being a bit obvious here, but have you asked this man's wife what she thinks about her husband turning up like this? There could be practical reasons; maybe they go off and do the week's shop afterwards, or perhaps he waits to take her home at her request. Giving up your lunches sounds a bit like throwing the baby out with the bathwater; I would either be upfront with your friend that you're not keen on having her husband there or I'd address it head on with the husband - in as tactful a way as I could muster.

trendygran Wed 12-Jun-13 22:32:02

Good to get your opinions about our friend's OH. The thing is that she's perfectly happy for him to join us and is oblivious to our feelings! When my other friend said she had to go, as soon as we knew he was coming, his wife shot her a very black look, apparently! There's no need at all for him to take her home, as there is a frequent bus service back and he had to stop driving a while ago, for health reasons. They are a couple who do most things together ,especially now both retired! I think friend 3 would be mortified if we actually spoke up about it!
Ironically,my other friend is glad of a break from her OH occasionally and I lost mine a few years ago, so the question doesn't arise.!

HUNTERF Wed 12-Jun-13 23:15:17

When I joined an aerobics group which was all women they immediately said that I was very welcome but I would have to come to the girls night out around Christmas.
I said that was fine. By Christmas 3 other men had joined and were on the Girls night out.

Frank

gracesmum Wed 12-Jun-13 23:35:50

Gosh, you don't say, Frank - well I never!

Faye Thu 13-Jun-13 00:15:24

My friend used to check to see if her OH was available to join us for lunch. confused She also had a joint email with her OH, sue&[email protected] I can't get my head around couples and joint emails.

Biker Thu 13-Jun-13 05:15:00

I used to be quite grateful to have the place to myself when my wife went out for a 'girls' evening or lunch
If I had arranged to pick her up afterwards I would simply wait for the call then trot over there.
I would never have thought of joining them - all of us needs some 'me' time.

janthea Thu 13-Jun-13 10:42:24

If one of the 'girlies' OH is there, it changes the dynamic of the lunch. I would have a quiet word with her and say, perhaps, how nice it is just to be able to chat among the girls without the men being present.

harrigran Thu 13-Jun-13 11:10:11

DH always transports me to my girlie lunches out and I am extremely grateful to be dropped at the door. He never enters the restaurant but will be waiting to take me home. He does it because he knows I can not walk uphill or long distances.