Tell me I am being silly......

Howjado - I just wanted to say I understand your feelings and don't think you are being silly at all. I would be the same.

I have been very lucky and been present at the birth of my grandchildren, along with the father. My husband (the grandfather) did wait in the car park, but he came in within minutes after the births too. Knowing how wonderful a experience it was to share, I would feel a little upset not to experience it again someday, but of course understand it is for the couple themselves to decide.

The other grandparents visited my DD/SIL the next day, but it was a week or more before other friends or family visited as it was then they needed their time together as a new little family.

I hope all goes well for you. If you are like me you will fall head over heels in love, and be needed often in the weeks and months ahead.

I got to meet my first GC after 48 hours and the second after 24 hours, their babies, their choice.

GS here = German Shepherd.

My sister's GS in NZ protected the children devotedly - when he wasn't touring the district begetting a whole tribe of pups.

Someone I know that had German Shepherds said that if a baby was born in the family they would show the baby to the dog and allow it to sniff them and they would then be protective towards the child and not aggressive. Maybe it applies to humans also?

Well said, hilda.

Nelliemoser that head thing is weird isn't it? I can still remember the smell of my father's head and he died 34 years ago! I have certainly found myself sitting with my baby grandson and sniffing his head and also sniffing my husband's pillow when he's been away. I hope this isn't just me

Howjado - your daughter is not 'about to give you your first grandchild' and as for as long as you view this impending birth in that light you will be distressed and disappointed and in great danger of damaging your future relationship with your daughter and grandchild.
Your daughter and her husband are about to have their first child...they are the parents, the decisions are primarily theirs to make.
Your place is to be the loving, doting and supportive grandma - you will have a wonderful time, but you must take your lead from them. There will be plenty of occasions where you will be needed - trust me!

I am close to my daughters, I love them to bits but they are young adults and they make their choices (some I do not agree with in a huge way but its their lives and I have had to learn to trust them and let them grow and flourish...its what a parent's job is after all, to raise them so that they can live happy independent lives.

PS I know that my experience was with DSs' families, but the other in-laws were treated no differently. None of the grans would have chosen to be there for the deliveries.

My DSs and their partners weren't too bothered about being left alone with the new arrival - especially the second ones. I was needed when DS2's partner had an emergency C section with no 1 - someone had to do the ironing while she and DGS were still in hospital! I was able to see them the afternoon after the midnight delivery - DGS was huge and breech. I was staying with her when she was overdue with no 2. When she went into labour I took her to the hospital, dealt with the distraught toddler and - er... did the ironing! Toddler and I saw the new baby the next morning, a natural delivery. DS1 and DiL were very relaxed and I get on very well with DiL. Had a cuddle with both GC on Day 1. Her parents came down from the Midlands the next day, just for a visit.

I was told by my DD to come asap afterwards. lt was 24hs afterwards as he was born in the afternoon and we lived two hours away.

I would have loved to have been there but I can now see how important it is for the couple to spend this time alone with their baby.

DD did tell me when she went in but that labour was quite short and I had not even started to worry. DD rang me about 2hrs after he was born and she had been "repaired".
I can imagine how good it was for the couple to have that quiet time between them. I had a C section and I didn't see DS until next morning.

Don't worry about feeling you won't bond. I had no problem falling in love with DGS. Just try sniffing him/hers head! It's very primeval but it works.

We didn't see our first GC for several days as we had a 4 hour drive to get there and didn't set off until the day after she was born.

Its up to the parents to determine when the baby will be receiving visitors. Bear in mind that the parents of the new Royal baby waited for four hours before making any announcements so that it could just be the three of them for a few hours and the grandparents didn't visit for 24 hours.

I never thought of it that way, Tegan. It is how it is, though. And how it should be, without a doubt.

Your last sentence is very profound and very true Tegan

It's an unbelievably emotional time, isn't it, the birth of a grandchild [especially the first one]. Throws up a lot of emotions and a few hormones that have been dormant for years seem to resurrect themselves as well. And you want to take all the pain awayfrom your daughter; it sort of goes against al the years of trying to protect them from being hurt in any way. But, at the same time, when they cut the umbilical cord I think maybe they're not cutting one but two.

Sorry Marelli and Tegan you didn't get the opportunity with your mums that I had. It's a shame I think we are all a bit obsessed with ourselves when we are young and don't think that our parents did anything interesting which of course wasn't true, the arrogance of youth I suppose. The previous generation lived through the war and frankly that alone made our lives seem quite trivial.

I'm sorry you feel hurt by this, and I do understand how you feel, but I don't think your daughter is being unreasonable and I am sure she would not wish to upset you. As others have said, you could be waiting for hours in the car park and would get tired and anxious.

No doubt you will see the baby before too long. I hope all goes well and wish you all the best.

Oh BAnanas, how I wish I could have had conversations with my mum about her life. I always expected her to outlive my dad and then we'd have time to talk, but she died before him. So mnay things I'd love to have talked to her about.

A few of my friends have spoken along these lines, BAnanas. Wishing that we could have the last few years of our mothers' lives back again, so that we could understand better how they felt about things. Perhaps I would have thought of myself as being a better daughter if I'd been able to understand my mother better. I would like her to have seen me and known me when I became older, too.

Marelli - that's it exactly a sharp lesson. However, as you say life takes over. I felt very sorry for myself at one point, began to think I wasn't good enough. It's just life. Gransnetters helped me at the time.
Howjado - try not to be sad. Your daughter still needs you as you will find out when baby comes home.

I was very close to my mother as a child, my father being both irascible and aloof. During the middle period of my life I was busy working and then having children and then working again and my phone calls to my mother were not on a daily basis. The best time of our relationship was in her final five years when we had marvellous one to one days and that's probably when I had the both the time and inclination to ask her about her life and get to know her adult to adult. I feel very blessed that my mother had all her marbles towards the final stages of her life and we had that precious time together.

KatyK, I know what you mean. I always thought I was really close to my daughters - one in particular. Then, as often happens, life took over and I learned quite a sharp lesson.

Thanks for all your advice everyone.
You are right; she's the mummy now.
I will stand way back and wait for the invite.

One or two people on this thread have mentioned being 'close' to their daughters. As life progresses, do you ever wonder whether you are/were as close as you thought you were? (If that makes sense). I used to think I was very close to my daughter. Events over the past few years have made me think that maybe the closeness was more on my part - or that I just wanted to think that we were. Sorry if that sounds a bit jumbled.

You could end up in the car park for hours. I don't live very far from the hospital where grandchild number one was born and was at the end of the phone for hours [she'd been in hospital for a couple of days]. When we did get the call to say the birth was going to be very soon, I arrived on the ward just after the crash team had left. Everything was fine [ventouse delivery in the end] but the crash team were there just in case. Had I seen them go in I think I would still be recovering from the shock now. And anyway Howjado, next time they'll probably be needing you to look after this one. With baby number two I was just on call to look after the first one and told everyone I worked with that, when I got the call they wouldn't see me for dust [they didn't] even though it was still another day and a half before he appeared ['mum, you told me second ones just popped out' my daughter said grumpily afterwards']. I'd watched her in labour for 24 hours and it wasn't fun.