cut out of thier lives 2

Yesterday I posted a birthday card to my daughter who will be 41 tomorrow. With it went Christmas cards and cash for my three beautiful grandchildren, the youngest of whom I have never met. I'm fortunate that although my daughter won't allow me to make direct contact (all my mail is sent to a third party), I do sometimes get 'thank you' cards and even, occasionally, a photograph. During the past seven years I've had possibly four phone conversations when one of my older grandchildren has called me out of the blue, with their mother's permission. One Christmas Day I spoke to all three grandchildren and then had a rather stilted conversation with my daughter when the youngest child unexpectedly passed the phone on to her.
My daughter left home at a young age, and subsequently (some years later) I moved away. We weren't terribly close in either relationship or geographical terms, but there was no reason given for my daughter cutting off contact, no big row or falling out. She just decided to make a new start; moved house to an unknown location and ditched her old life, including me and my whole family. She telephoned me and we had a typical friendly chat, then she said she was moving house the next day to an undisclosed location and in future all contact had to be made through a third party - I honestly didn't understand what she was saying at first, it seemed so bizarre. Until then she'd always been very close to my mum and they lived near to each other, but she's never contacted my mum or anyone else in my family since. About two years ago she had a brief meeting with one of her sisters and exchanged a few texts and calls and then nothing more.
In two and a half years my eldest granddaughter will be eighteen; we had a very good relationship when she was younger and I'm hoping (but not expecting) that she will choose to make independent contact. Most days I don't dwell on the sadness, but this week I confess that I have a little. My granddaughter and grandson loved me and I them; very much. I miss them and the good times we might have had together and I'm sad that I've never met my youngest granddaughter.

I don't contribute on this thread as I cannot imagine how you feel but big ((((hugs)))) for all of you.

Good evening ladies. Yes, like you Yogagirl and Celebgran I keep wondering "is it forever". S has Christmas lights outside his house now, so I only have to look right when at the bottom of our drive and there it is, in my face.

Still managing to feel OK though despite this rotten cold. So much to do, so little time to do it in and now I can't be bothered to do any of it because I feel so lousy. Difficult to get on when one has to keep stopping to blow one's nose. One's nose looks like Rudolph's - all red (and sore) Still I suppose at least my nose is looking Christmassy!!

Sleep well ladies

Evening girls
Just on here quickly then off to teach my yoga class
Welcome back Smileless glad to hear you're feeling ok and feeling pleased to be back in your abode. I saw that pic too
Best of luck on the 18th Celebgran I truly hope it all goes well for you, I think the same- "is it forever?" Maybe your friend will buy you a box of tissue for your Xmas gift this year, instead of the ball of string, be more useful with your bad cold
Thanks for wise words Nanban and Otw but in my case, with going to court, the door is most definitely closed for me, my only hope is if, in the future, my D and s.i.l split-up, in the meantime my precious little GC are growing fast and at this time of Christmas and Nativity plays, its particularly hard

Glad you home safe smiless very wise about scales.

I went acquacise today tho still not great just try keep spirits up as feeling so damn low about 5thnxmas and can scarcely believe been so long wonder if is for ever who knows.

Sorry be on a downer! Got client shortly and one to make up for last week.

Hope you and yogagirl more cheerful than me!

I'm home ladies; thank you all for wishing me a safe journey and welcoming me home. Got to the house at 10.45am so not bad going. Got a couple of hours sleep on the plane and a bit of a nap in the car. Feel awful as I started with a cold yesterday morning and it's been getting worse ever since .

Just had a nice long bath and washed my hair so feel almost human again . Relieved and some what surprised to be feeling rather pleased to be home!

Yes Yogagirl it is so hard to feel anything other than anger and at times hate towards those who have treated us so badly. Nanban and Otw are right of course, I think that's what makes it so frustrating; we know what we should do, but I just can't find a way of doing it!

What seems to help me is to try not focus on my anger too much. Some times trying really hard not to do a thing can make us do it, or want to do it all the more. May be a silly example but it's a bit like going on a diet, you suddenly become obsessed with cream cakes and chocolate! Well that's my reason for finding diets so difficult to stick too.

Having had 3 weeks away, I've decided not to torture my bathroom scales by climbing on before Christmas and depressing my self. I will get on them at the end of January, when I've had a few weeks of careful eating (see, I'm not going to ruin my chances by using the 'd' word) and some hard work at the gym.

Oh Celebgran I do hope that when you take your gifts on the 18th that you are greeted with the spirit of the season and not with abuse. Isn't it awful when gparents feel sick at the thought of taking Christmas presents round to their own gchildren.

Speaking of the spirit of Christmas, a friend has just sent hubby a pic taken of some ones house covered in lights and festive ornaments, the house next door has an arrow of Christmas lights pointing to that neighbors with the word tw.t also in lights; didn't know whether to be amused or saddened.

Hope you all had a good day today and have a good one tomorrow.

Very wise words nanban will try remember that when we take presents over for our granddaughters on 18th. Very hard when inside is feel sick at the thought given the abuse. My dear husband faced from s I law when he went to visit and find out about new baby.

I agree otw hatred just does the person feeling it more damage.

Yogagirl we did not dance sat night none of us were well enough.

Enjoyed relaxing meal with friends though.
Tried dance fri. Night felt very ill still slept like log!
Just wish did not keep niggling at oh and could become calmer.

We were tad upset yesterday as my brother did. I return calls or texts or his partner we were not up to meeting them for lunch did offer meet them nearer to us but his partner can be strange. I really do want stop gifts from our good friends and please don't think on me nasty but oh got ball of string I holder and I got bath salts for asda which will donate as raffle or bin!
They are such good friends in other ways and I know they are not wealthy who is! They have ordered fresh turkey and ours is frozen so not desperate.memo next year leave it!

Sorry that not verynchristmassy!
Meeting friend from my college course for lunch today still feel wiped out, not see her for year so be good.

Happy monday all and welcome home smiless!

Nanban....wise words indeed. If only I could make that work for DD and me. xx

All wars end with talking no matter how much the parties hate each other - and parents/grandparents don't hate. Separation, silence, make heartache harder to bear with each passing day. The only weaponry in the face of antagonism/silence/separation is messages of good things/love/compromise reconciliation - and if that's all we have, that's what we must use.

Otw xx

Dear Yogagirl,
It is not easy but it is possible. Mandela spent 27 years in prison but came out determined to reconcile those who had been responsible not just for the barbarism that had led to his imprisonment with the millions that had been oppressed by their twisted system . That wonderful lady Debbie Saporta explained that it doesn't matter how her room looks , how the furniture is arranged , it is how her mind is arranged . Hatred , I believe is a weapon that causes far more damage to its owner than it's object , so for your own sake lovely Yogagirl, try to rearrange your 'furniture ' into loving your life ( which sounds fantastic by the way - I can barely touch my toes anymore) and continue to take really good care of those who are around you and of course yourself . Welcome home smileless. to all of you at this particularly tricky season .

Evening Girls
Lots of post on here today!
Well done with all your dancing Celebgran, its really good for you and makes you feel happy to dance the night away,that's probably why you slept well too.
Thanks for sharing that quote with us Smileless it's really good, I've actually written it in my book for next weeks reading (I always end my class with one). Well Bon Voyage, have a good trip back to cold ole`UK.
I had quite a nice day today, my yoga class in the morning, then off to the Xmas tree farm with my ND, I bought one in a pot this year 7ft, so big for a pot one!,only thing is I need a few more muscles to move it We then went on to a good pub and had a lovely roast dinner
Thanks for that Otw, only trouble I have is; how do you not hate someone that's taken away your beloved D,GD,GS + S? I had that said to me before "Oh send love to him,.. you must change...let go of the hate.." My work is teaching; love,tranquillity,calm, letting go and altruism ..., but this defeats me!

Keep upbeat. Smileless! We chose 3 books today one for each Granddaughter to go with their little parcels.

Safe journey home you will be fine.

Yes thanks otw a lovely post.

Safe travels, smileless - glad you have enjoyed your stay

Hello ladies. Last message from Florida as we fly home today . Have been getting weather up dates from friends and family back home so must be mad leaving the to go back to all those horrible storms. Would stay if we could.

Still, it's been a fab 3 weeks, just what the doctor ordered. Feeling quite up beat and positive at the moment, just hope that continues.

Have a good day everyone.

Lovely posts from good people. Gransnet is like a huge warm blanket and very comforting to everyone with sadness in their life.

Smileless - welcome home!

Thank you so much Otw10413 for your lovely post and for sharing Debbie Saporta's five simple rules. This forum has been a life saver for me. To be able to laugh and cry with others who are living the same night mare has helped me get up on those mornings when all I have wanted to do is stay under the covers where it is safe and warm.

My holiday ends tomorrow and we fly home. We cannot stay here for ever and although we have family and friends that we miss I wish we could stay; it's just easier when we're here. Your kind and thoughtful post has given me that much needed strength and determination for the journey home, and to once again come face to face with reality.

Thank you

Hello Ladies,
I would just like to say that reading your posts, one gets a very clear idea that you are all warm sensitive caring people. It is also clear that you are a terrible loss for your grandchildren!! They will live their lives as will your children dealing with the emotional wounds that come from cutting off from people that care about you. You lot, on the other hand have to keep celebrating every day for the sake of your children and grandchildren. I have read an amazing post on facebook re. a fine 92 yr. old lady called 'Debbie Saporta' .
Her five simple rules are free your heart from hatred, free your mind from worries, live simply , give more and expect less. I think you're all amazing. Wishing you all health, happiness and peace in your hearts.

Oh no my didn't work, so I've done it again.

Hello ladies. So pleased we have some little faces complete with Christmas hats to share there's my first!

Glad you had a good night Yogagirl I love to dance but haven't had the opportunity for a while, apart from when I'm at home alone with music blaring there's another one. Good fun this. Yes get the book, it'll make you - sorry couldn't resist that one, just reading it for your self.

Sounds like you're on the mend Celebgran which is good to hear. Don't think this is quite right ladies, you've both been out in the tiles and I'm the one who is still on holiday [tchhm] - I bet you saw that one coming didn't you!

Was oh over doing the dancing Celebgran hence the bad back this morning, perhaps you should be more gentle with him!!

Thought I'd share with you hubby's fortune that was in his cookie last night "Over every mountain there is a path, although it may not be seen from the valley". So ladies even though we're in the valley at the moment and cannot see the path that takes us back to our children and gc, the path that leads them back to us, it's there, ready and waiting and one day it will be found.

Have a good day; I'm going to make the most of my last day in the [sun].

Hi smileless how i agree this little support network for us is a godsend.

I think it was interacting with the orphan boys a trust for them in delhi which helped me that holiday. They were so grateful for attention and they had nothing.

So sorry yogagirl about your sad time i think is insensitive for people sometimes to go on about their grandkids but of course not their fault
Well done for managing to teach the class. .

I am feeling much better thank you both. Not out woods yet, but had 2 good nights. Still wheezing away! We went to do last. Night with our friends and enjoyed it, i struggled to dance! Felt breathless and shattered but was determined, have slept all morning! Claire coming give me blo dry at 1 30 as another outing tonight with very good friends what time year to be ill!

Oh twisted his back also! Taking strong painkiller today.
Result chap came to redo sealant round loo (expensive new bathroom this year)but he was late forgave him as he redid sealant round our kitchen sink as favour!

Well better go and have cereal oh take. Up for me as nearly 12!
Think overdid it yesterday we had go shops first outing apart from doctor but we had lovely lunch out so coped!

Not sure if we will make lunch with my brother sunday oh is on call and his partner wants us to go their way see how we feel.

Keep well both of you glad calms working yogagirl i amrelieved i had 2 good nights did not take anything! Not even paracetemol yesterday.

Do hope you ok smileless just look after each other and take one day at time.

Looks like they don't have Christmas wine and flowers, so here's some everyday one's flowers]

Morning Girls
I was still boogieing the night away Smileless, when you wrote that last post . The 'White Onion' play rock music, lots from the 70 + 80 like Status Quo.
I remember those Dr.Seauss books and I read 'The cat in the hat' it's was lovely, I feel like I want to get that one you've just bought, could do, and put it in thier gift sacks.
You better today Celebgran?
I should be going out tonight again, but don't think I'm going to make it, as I promised my ND I'd go to hers after my late yoga class, to bring her back to mine to pick-up her car she left here last night, it always takes longer than you think, so....think its a bit of an excuse really, my night out is a night in, owing to being out 4 nights per week anyway, teaching my yoga.
Have a nice w/e [tchwine] tchflowers]

Hello ladies, didn't get the chance to come on here this morning and now you'll all be in bed. Hope you remembered your 'kalms night Yogagirl. Fore warned is fore armed as they say I'm expecting it to take me a couple of days to settle down. What with 3 weeks work to catch up on and preparing for Christmas there'll be plenty for me to do.

We'll be putting up our Christmas decs the first Sunday we're home so I'm looking forward to that.

Did Dr. Seauss' 'The Cat in the Hat' ride today; twice and bought 'The Sneetches and other stories' Already had a couple of books bec. I thought I'd be able to read them to my gs before all this happened. In case you don't know. the story, the Star-Belly Sneetches think they're better than the ones with out stars so "They kept them away. Never let them come near. And that's how they treated them year after year" Struck such a chord that I bought the book for those two lines!

Hope you enjoyed 'The White Onion', interesting name, what type of music do they play?

Hope you're feeling a little better today Celebgran. Sleep well all of you.

Morning Girls
Smileless some days it just really gets to you doesn't it. I had a bad day yesterday too, just couldn't shake it off. I did some yoga, which usually bucks me up, but this time it didn't. Chatting to one of my students that I've know for about 8yrs, but only told her about two weeks back about not seeing my GC as she had asked after them, her GS was born at the same time as my Laila. She asked me yesterday 'any news.....', when I said no, she said 'oh, stale mate then' I said 'no, its not coming from me...', she then went on to tell me all these little antics her GS gets up to and what a lovely age 3 en half years is, my stomach was churning, I then had to stand in front of 20 yogis and teach calm and tranquility! didn't feel good but after I'd finished my first class, I did feel better, then after my third I was feeling ok again. Unfortunately Smileless, I found I was good when away, but as soon as I got on the plane home, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I had a tear running down my cheek, had to look out the window so no one could see . So be prepaired! Although Celebgran said she felt stronger on her return, so we are all different.
Good news its just a virus Celebgran, I've said on here before, that I had palpitations of the heart, feeling I was going to black out, all down to stress.
I forgot to take my 'Kalms night', last night, had a bad night, so that proves they work! it does say they take about a week to kick in, so thats why I didn't notice a difference straight away.
Out to support our local band tonight 'The White Onion', bit further afield this time, so I'll have to drive, therefore no gin&tonic