cut out of thier lives 2

Hello Girls
Just got back from a lovely lunch with my dance friends, took my little dog, thinking I could give her a walk by the sea before and after, but the wind and rain was too much, I managed 5mins before and then after I didn't even try as it was right on the seafront and I had visions of being swept out to sea! I had a quick look on here before I left, which meant I left with a tear in my eye but no time to reply
Librachickthank you, that was a lovely but sad post and you are right and I am going to take your advise and try to move on, it is the only thing to do, I'm going insane with grief whilst they are enjoying my agony. I will pray for you too Librachick and all on here, I do think God is the only one that can help.
Smileless we all seem to be in the same place today. My D gave me the evil eye in the court waiting room, when I had envisaged her running into my arms, saying how sorry she was for all of this and then coming home with me, such are dreams and I have lost my S too, I find that really difficult to tell people and avoid doing so, as how could they possible understand the power of a Narcissist. I used to jump at the doorbell thinking 'is it them!' and I couldn't wait to turn my mobile on after my classes thinking 'today there will be a message form her and it will be all over', but 14months down the line I've stopped that, but still think 'could it be...'
Celebgran so sorry you are feeling so unwell, the stress and grief are a contributing factor for sure, I hope you get your medications sorted quickly so you can get back on your feet and continue your lovely dancing.
When this first happened, I got my childhood bible out, which I pray with every night on my knees with a pair of little Laila's sock, that I found from when she lived with me, but inside the bible was a little stick-it note saying "For a special Mummy, breakfast in bed, Love from Jenni" with a smiley face, written in little girls handwriting!
for you all xx

Dear celebgran I am sending a big, warm, hug.

Oh dear Celebgran so sorry that your week end was ruined, what a shame I do hope they can sort out your medication for you. It is upsetting when we look back and remember how much they used to care.

Been catching up on every ones posts, read LibraChicks first and got carried away with my own post; sorry for such a long one ladies . Great news about your friend D0llie she must be thrilled, I do hope all goes well for her now she has been given contact. Glad you've started your knitting. I spent most of my knitting time unpicking my mistakes which was why I gave up in the end, just wasn't very good at it .

Lucky I'm much better at painting; only 2 rooms and the landing to go now. My boot camp class was cancelled today so spent 5 hours glossing. I'll just be glad when it's all done, still feels like there's a long way to go though.

Your m.i.l. is unbelievable Yogagirl is it any wonder that her son's turned out the way he has. At least the hate mail has stopped and hopefully it will stay that way.

I just find it so hard to accept that some people can be so cruel. I wonder if any of our awful children saw Esther on the 'One Show' and if they did, how may if any felt any guilt or remorse .

Have a good evening every one and sweet dreams.

Oh dear all of us lovely grans s with such lot of love to give being rejected
Is cruel.

Yogagirl your s I law sounds like mine manipulative and as for the m I law she sounds so nasty is is unbelievable.

People so nasty not worth upsetting over just try not to let it get to you!
Easier said than done,

Sadly my new tablets dont agree with me ended up hospital Sunday they called ambulance! Oh dear more ECG then waited for doctor who said stop beta blocker checked blood test then let me go home. Felt no better today back to doctor who now decided stop other new tablet for week to see which one causing trouble. Is a worry! Fed up with feeling so unwell! It ruined weekend.

We have day out tomorrow but have see if well enough !

Now got go back doctor same locum thanks goodness next Tuesday.
Oh dear did feel tearful thinking how my daughter would have worried and cared in old days!
So sorry smileless about seeing your son like that cannot understand it so hard for us all.

Great we can all pop on and get support from each other.

Libra very wise words is all we can do get oN With our lives and just keep bit hope alive

I am I. Same camp as you and Dollie my daughter sent me lovely cards and letters saying how much she loved me so proud of me etc etc!

Oh LibraChick what a lovely post; you made me cry but in a nice way. To constantly receive such love and support from people I have never met is truly priceless.

I've just watched Esther on BBC I player, my m.i.l. had seen it last week and told me about it at the week end. Can't see my s wanting to build bridges. Saw him on Saturday for the first time in, well it's been such a long time I can't remember . He marched right past me with a face like a slapped arse. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, I didn't turn to look at him just carried on with the conversation I was having with his neighbor and my walking buddy.

He got in to his car and I assume just sat there and when we walked far enough away, he got out and after talking to his neighbor went back in the house!! .

I've no idea why he did this. He didn't want me to talk to him as he was walking so quickly I couldn't have even if I'd wanted too, and I didn't want too.

Not wanting us to be a part of his life is, well you all know how that feels. Not being able to see our only gc is, well I can't find the words but I don't have too as you all know how that feels too, but, I learned 2 weeks ago from his bro that he'd told him maintaining a relationship with us was condoning our disgusting behavior and treatment of him and his wife.

Why? Why try and destroy the rel. we have with our only other child? This goes a long way in explaining why things got so tense with our NS that we asked him if he still wanted us to visit him in Aus.

He does, and as you know we're going. Is that why? Does he not want us to have that emotional reunion after more than a year with out seeing one another? Is he looking ahead and wondering what will happen if our NS has children of his own, gc to us?

I've been in turmoil since Saturday which was why I was so moved by your post LibraChick. I instinctively knew it would have been wrong to try and speak to him bec. he would have rejected me again and I just don't want any more rejection, hostility and dare I say hatred. Hatred was what I saw in that face I loved so much, hatred in those beautiful blue eyes which used to look at me with such love and tenderness.

I too have so much to be thankful for. A wonderful marriage, still wonderful after nearly 34 years, a lovely son and d.i.l., supportive family and friends, successful business, lovely home, so much to enjoy and look forward too.

We decided at the beginning of the year that we were going to concentrate on what we have, and not spend all of our time grieving over what we've lost. It isn't easy but you're right LibraChick, life is too short.

My s has gone. There is an enormous void in my life which only he and our gc can fill and I hope and pray that one day he'll be able to fill it again. But I cannot put my life on hold waiting for some thing that may never happen, and if I'm honest, probably never will.

I owe it to my hubby, NS, family and friends to make the best of what I have, and I owe it to my self.

There's just been a knock on the front door, strange at this time at night when it's pouring with rain and even though I knew it wouldn't be him, my heart was thumping and for a moment, just one brief moment I thought it might be. No, someone representing the British Legion.

I don't cry as much as I used too, I don't think about him constantly any more, I still dream about him though; it seems that dreams are like hope, you can't control either.

Love and hugs for you all, you all deserve them, each and every one of you.

Good Morning GRANS

Yogagirl, what a terrible story. I think you need to move on for your own self preservation.

I have had terrible times since October/November 2013. I did not have a good weekend, it’s the worst weekend of my life.

So I have decided to move on and if we get to see the GC when they’re older, of their own volition, then so be it. I have had to go back to times with staff counselling when I was going through a tough time with bullies at work. She told me “you can’t change anything that is not in your power to change”, and also, that “you can’t second guess what’s going through someone’s else’s head”, only what’s going through your own and change your behaviour and reactions.

So I have decided that I’ll keep the door open by sending cards to the GC, if they get them I will not know. I will try and be more positive than I’ve been, as I am allowing her to ruin my life (which I’ve had on hold for months now. I’ve done nothing by cry when on my own, try and second guess why, why, why - NOW enough is enough,).

I have a fantastic, supportive husband, who is not D’s father or paternal Granddad to the 3 GC, but he has been there since the eldest GS was born (he’s 9 years old now - GS not Hubby ), and has always been in their lives. I have a lovely house in a nice area, job that pays well, great friends. So I will now concentrate on what I have and not what I don’t have at the moment. Life is too short, so hubby and I will enjoy what we have.

I need to be grateful that we’ve been in their lives constantly since all 3 were been born and had a great relationship with all of them, we’ve had them nearly every weekend and holidays with them and any time D & SIL wanted to palm them off, when they were too busy. Some people have not even seen their GC, so I am happy they all know us both.

I wish all you Grans all the best and hope you have the courage to move on and enjoy what you have, Otherwise, you will stay in this loop, wishing and praying, crying and in the meantime your life is moving on fast. So PLEASE enjoy your life, doesn’t mean forgetting or hurting, but take time out for you and your other nice Children/Husbands etc.

hugs who need them and for all.

May God be with you, I will pray for all of you and myself.

Morning Girls
I've just read that article Librachick, very interesting.
About a year before I was permanently cut out of my D life, I came back from a cruise to my D insisting I go round to visit on the day I arrived home, I protested I was too tired and had too much to do, but she wouldn't take no for an answer, saying "I've really missed you mum, come over and have a nice glass of wine, Laila is asking for her nannie", so I went, with presents and photos, thinking we would have a good aternoon. They had already been up the pub, as it was a Sunday, and had obviously already had a lot to drink, cut a long story short, nasty s.i.l told her to get it off her chest, whereby she went for me saying she had heard (when she was a young teen) my oh and I talking and he said " Its me or her, who do you choose?" my D said I replied 'him'! totally untrue and never happened, my second husband knew my children would always come first if I had had to choose. Just before this my D went to a therpist paid for and arranged by her husband! I stayed away for one month after that, I was so shocked. I txt my D after the month and said 'please lets make-up' and she replied 'I didn't want to fall out in the first place', I went straight round and we were back to normal straight away.
I think my nasty s.i.l was upset we had made up, so the next time he made sure it was permanent, and then he and his mother began their brainwashing on my D. My s.i.l always seemed to throw a wobbly when I or my ND went on holiday and this permanent cut out happened when my ND and I were away, so think he was jealous of our holidays.
I've come to except I will never see them again . My ND said she thinks that even if he turns and hates her again, he (and his mother) will keep the marriage going and he'll just have affairs, and I think she's right.
What hurts the most and sticks in my head is nasty s.i.l's mother saying I will never see my beloveds again as long as there's breath in her body and then going on to tell me about all the wonderful times shes had with them; Xmas's, b/days, sports days and Nativity plays. When it snowed last year, I really longed to phone my Laila and say "It's snowing Laila, it's snowing!" nasty s.i.l's mother was quick to email me to let me know she had just had the best time of her life, building snowmen with my Laila and Jack

I know exactly where your coming from libra..i too have loads of cards saying what a wonderful mother i am...now in her eyes im nothing!!! ( hugs)

Just a quickie, before I leave work. My friend, via my husband has just sent this to me. As a few of you know my story, my daughter told me she wanted nothing to do with me until I went to counselling about my drinking problem, then she would come and tell the counsellor and me what a shit life she had growing up with me as her mother, if I could ever remember anything as I was too pissed. So doesn't want the GC to go through what she went through. You could have knocked me over with a feather!!!

Many people throughout my life can vouch for this, I probably drink more than I ever have this past 2 months, since she would not let us see, speak or even give the gc their Christmas presents.

I have contacted someone in our area to ask if we as a Community offer RMT, becuase, I can't undertand my daughter, all the lovely cards etc, even a letter that states "If I had to pick a Mom, I would have picked you", and this was in her 20's, not a child.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2555392/The-women-brainwashed-therapists-believe-parents-abused-them.html

Well ladies, will go for now, will try and get on either tonight or tomorrow.

LC xx

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b03t6x8p/The_One_Show_06_02_2014/

watch it on catchup on your computer sugar...

Oh dear I missed that program

And wasn't our Maniac impressive? So strong and wise.

Just watched it too ...when are our children going to wake up and realise that its the grandchildren that are losing out!!! I thought it was lovely how the group of grans meet up regularly to support one another...

Gosh, I've just watched on "catch up" of the one show on Thursday with Esther Ratzen. How sad, it had me in tears.

Off for lunch with a friend today.

Nice to hear that good news, Dollie

A friend of a friend was denied access to grandaughter so it all went to court yesterday...i dont know all the details but it worked out that the grandmother has now got access to see her grandaughter...

Wools arrived and im busy knitting the squares for a cot blanket trouble is ive been losing concentration while watching tv and ive had to do some unpicking lol...

Hope everyone is doing ok and you all have a good weekend.. xx

Hello Girls
My day off today, ND coming round for tea in about 1/2hr. Great News! my ND and her fiancée have put an offer on a house not far from me, its vacate possession and they will be renting out the house they are in now, so all going well, they will be moving in soon and starting a family
I watched Esther Rantzen on catch-up when I got in from my late class last night (sister txt me), and I've just written to her, I had to put it in a 'nut shell' but hope I hear back from her. I didn't know that the ladies were our Gransnetters! It was very sad, hope some of my family watched it to see how badly we are all effected.
Think you will have to change your occupation Smileless we all want our houses painted by you now!
Glad your feeling better Celebgran and your first scan was ok, I think its stress. Lilly is my little westie, she is half the dog she was this morning as she's been to the beauty parlour, looks pretty as a picture, smells nice too.
ND has arrived so 'Tea time', chat later......

Watched it on catch up. Very sad. I didn't know which one was Maniac but they all had such a sad look.

Sorry missed that try see it on I player. Thanks whenim for telling us

Yes, tonight's programme - first slot. If Esther is offering genuine, sensitive?? support, perhaps some grandparents might get the sort of meaningful help they need.

Was it tonight.?

Good to see Maniac and others talking to Esther Rantzen on the One Show. Might be worth making contact with the programme as she is offering to try to help.

Here go again yogagirl good for you go to 80th head held high don't be bullied.

Hope dentist was ok realise my teeth been a1 since my filling couple weeks ago great!

Is lily your dog?

Our Rosie is very upset following me round she knows cases equal leaving her!
Only for weekend and she will be with our lovely. Neibour her second home.

Forgot to say smileless hope that Chinese and was yummy!
So important to focus on what we had means good times not our dreadful heartache.