Heartache grandparents denied contact

Just bumped the thread you created tibbs. It was under Grandparenting - Denied Access - you have some replies.

Yogagirl suggested everyone moved on to a different thread tibbs so this may be why you have not had replies. It certainly sounds as though you have managed this dreadful situation well. You must have lived through an horrendous time. Up to now I have been lucky but there have been times when I was frightened of the outcome, still am if I am honest but possibly now for different reasons

tibbs sometimes posts get missed, specially if they are late at night, so please don't feel you are being ignored.

surprised I have no replies maybe because I see my grandchildren, but know what you are all going through as have been there, don't give up on them have any of you tried mediation that's the first step although my daughter did not want to do that, so court was the only answer and have never regretted it even though I have lost my daughter through it, lost her anyway when he came on the scene, we were lucky we got legal aid had a good solicitor and barrister, and super judges your stories are very sad I feel for you all, have been on TV in the paper and also on radio to talk about it. The other sad thing with me is when I was 19 had a baby had to have her adopted so feel I have lost 2 daughters through no fault of my own. hope someone replies to my messages. thank you.

hi there new to this but have been through what you all have but come out the other side took our daughter to court and won it was very hard for us as she was such a loving daughter until she met her partner have a wonderful relationship with our eldest granddaughter our daughters from her marriage, thought it would be the same when the youngest one was born but that didn't happen it affects all the family as my daughter has a lovely nephew my sons child but will never see him as my son fell out with his sister when she got involved with her partner they where very close and she did not even attend his wedding a few years ago, all because her partner did not want us to have contact with his child.

Thank you Celebran thinking of you too
Can we all get on the same page, as at the mo there is two pages on the same subject. So how about after this message we all get onto 'cut out of thier lives 2'

hope you find the support from others helpful Sabies. Otw puts it well I think - it seems some of the daughter's talked about in this way are stuck in their teenage years. It is so sad for everyone concerned.

Quite true yogagirl I now regret not going court. But then a friend who has has no relationship with her daughter so you can't win.

Cruel horrid we must on take need of otw and enjoy each day. Best we can
Thinking of you yogagirl

I can't read these threads often as they are so terribly upsetting. My heart goes out to you all

Dear Sabies another terribly sad story, my heart goes out to you. Seems our D are all very cruel to their devoted mothers, no matter what we do and no matter how much love an support we give. I wish I could give you some advise, but Im in the same boat as you and have no answers. I went to court three times to see my beloved GC, thinking this would then contect me with my D too, lost the case, and now I really wish I hadn't gone down that road, made it thousand times worse! I will not see my D and GC till my D splits with her nasty,cruel H now, for sure. I wish I had just kept totally quiet and waited, but at the time I was so traumatised, it was like I was drowning and thrashing around for air! as I sit here now, with a clearer head, I would not have gone to court. But then there's dear Celebran 5yrs of keeping quiet and still no joy, so damed if you do, damed if you dont!

Dear Sabies,
Look after yourself . Cry ,we all do but start each day with a vow to make the most of that day , for your own sake. Your story is so sad and I agree , it sounds as though your DD like mine and so many others have not yet ditched their teenage requirement for parents to be completely wrong about everything !
Wishing you sleep and peace

Hello sabies - what heartbreak. Sounds like you are getting the anger that cannot be directed at fate, for giving her a child with a heart problem? Your doctor is right, that you need to start looking after yourself. There is always a "listening ear" on GN and seeking support like you have just done is a good way of starting to care for yourself.

sabies23 I would imagine that you cried when you wrote your post, I know I did when I wrote mine, If I knew any words to console you believe me I would. my DD1 is 50 next year, since she left home 2 weeks after her 16th birthday because I would not let her sleep with her most recent boyfriend in the bedroom next to her 2 younger sisters. She has used her children as weapons nearly all my life it seems. Your pain must be very great because your GS is so little and he has horrendous problems. Like your self I was grateful for anything, any crumb of love, tiptoeing all the time just to have any contact. But please, please if you believe anything, you must take care of your self, you must try no matter how difficult it seems, to try and sort it in your head, you must stay strong for that little boy. I know all this is just words from someone you don't know, but please believe I will think of you

Sabies23. No need to opologise for the long post. I could cry for you. Just keep posting as much as you want. I don't think I could cope with what some of you ladies are going through.

I have to agree with you hebrideanlady, some people are like this. I have a situation with my DD. I am new to this site and after reading all the heartbreaking stories, can identify with all the pain and grief behind all the sad stories. My D has turned into a monster, I don't know who she is anymore. We were once very close, I even delivered her first baby GS, with whom I have a very special bond and with whom I have seen through two major heart surgeries,one at 11 days old the second at 6 months old. My daughter's partner was no where to be seen when she needed him and she constantly made excuses for his behavior, leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces (mainly me). During the last few years while my GS has been ticking over, she has become more and more distant towards me. She has a habit of pushing and pulling me when it suits. She excludes me from any family events and only contacts me when she wants me to do something for her, if I cannot be at her beck and call I suffer the consequences badly, both with physical and verbal abuse. I am a mother and a nanny without any of the fringe benefits. I do not know her anymore, she makes cruel comments to me and my husband (her stepfather) who has been a rock when she needed him, he has had to put up with the same abuse from her also. She does not allow us to see our GC that often without a hitch or an ulterior motive and always on her terms I am never allowed to speak with my GS on the phone, she deliberately excludes us from knowing anything about his hospital appointments, his nativity plays or any special events. My heart is breaking I cannot sleep thinking about him because when he is allowed to speak with me he tells me he loves me and misses me (he is just 4 years old) I am a broken women with all this emotional blackmail and stress from my daughter. My GS is due to have another very serious heart operation soon and she constantly keeps me out of the loop when I ask her. She has becoming controlling, manipulating and a compulsive liar and I am now afraid to stand up to her in case she doesn't let me seem him in the hospital. My doctor has told me it is time to take care of myself and has kindly given me some medication to help me through my bad days. My daughter is unaware of the any of this and the fact that we are still making sacrifices unknown to her to remain in the country to support her when he has his next operation. She would only tell me well I didn't ask you to and if I need you I will tell you where and when and just mocks me and calls me dramatic. She has grown so jealous of my relationship with my GS and will do anything to keep us apart and for him to feel that I do not love him anymore. I have literally put my life on hold for a just in case moment. I cannot let him down because he would not understand why nanny was not there. So sorry for the long story but I needed to get this off my chest. I do not know what advice anyone can give to me that I have not tried -thank you for listening.

OMG Celebgran sounds like you have the same pig s.i.l as I. Funny your new GD is Lola, and mine is Laila, similar names! You and I wont see our daughters and GC till they are no-longer with their controlling H, I'm sure, I pray every day that this will happen soon and then I think it may never happen! I've posted on 'cutout' as well. - you need it!

Kiora I read your story with interest, sounds like same rotten s.i.l situation.
So pleased to hear you have reconnected with your DD, your story gives us all hope

Thank you Kiora, in some ways it was positive that daughter wanted to speak to her Dad, and we found out about new baby direct from her.

My husband most definitely now thinks that her husband is the problem!

Feel more relaxed today, it was more emotional upheaval than anything as in some ways it is a tiny step forward.

))))))))))) big hug(((((((((((( must have been a really rotten day and you must feel rung out all that desperate emotion. My thoughts are with you and your husband

Well yogagirl and all rest of us suffering this heartbreak of no contact!
My dear husband went to see my daughters yesterday.
We now have another granddaughter Lola - my daughter wanted to speak to her dad usual husband screaming get out or will call police!

My daughter tried hard to persuade him to let her dad see little ones, he got glimpse of one we not seen .

Where do we go from here? She is being controlled by pig of a husband.

At least I know baby no 3 arrived safely.

Been emotional day.

Of course you do, you must be distraught. Carrying this sort of pain for so long is a heavy burden and will take its toll on you and your health. I know for some it's a dirty word but have you had any counselling. It can be helpful. Having a 'safe, place to let it all out with someone who's detached can be really helpful. It doesn't solve the problem but it can clear your thinking and help you find away of coping and accepting the pain and move forward. I think you should give yourself a lot of credit for managing for so long grappling every day with this type of heartbreak is terrible. I really hope that things can be resolved in the future. I wish I had a magic wand

My heart goes out to everyone who has no contact with GC, I am sadly in the same situation, I now now I will never see my first born Daughter and her 2 children again, all because of greed. I don't live near them so she was living a double life, calling someone else Mother, bringing her children up to know no difference. What hurt a lot was My dad ,her grandfather who idolised her, had been totally airbrushed out of there lives, my grandchildren thought this other person was their Grandad. This was all done in the hopes of them getting a large inherentence she even pretended she didn't have 2 sisters. I found this out 1 year ago when 1 of my other daughters went to the funeral of the person she hoped to gain from. They were shocked to find out just how bad her greed was. I think I have come to terms with all of this, after mixed feelings, like where did I go wrong? Is it my fault? The only thing I can come up with is, some people are like that.

Kiora thanks for trying to give us some hope.

I have tried everything to try heal our rift but our daughter does not respond to any communication never once heard from her in 5 years. Never a knowledges cards presents to grandchildren we only ever seen one.

So glad you had happy outcome.!

I am feeling unwell at moment breathless and feel worse after doctor visit as got have lots tests off chest xray today.

Even after dreadful stuff my daughter done including going police to get us harassment warning I still miss her dreadfully especially now.

I probably only have half this story but it raised lots of feelings i'v 'packed away' I'm posting to give you all a little hope. My daughter went off with a very unsuitable controlling man 18 years ago. She had her baby with me by her side and I loved him. Things got worse and worse until She wouldn't see any of her family, we would travel 200plus to see her and the baby. she'd leave us at the door. She said the most terrible hurtful things. Our whole family were hurt bewildered. My own pain and hurt completely over took me and there are some things I did that I now regret deeply. The biggest one was that I inadvertently neglected her siblings. They had to watch as I emotionally unravelled. They have never forgiven her and I doubt they ever will. I also packed up her things because they were too upsetting to see. However I now realise that the real reason I did this was to try and prick her conscious. I also hounded her a good bit ringing up for birthdays etc. I knew I couldn't carry on in this vain and at about the 4 year point I backed off. I went to college and committed myself to a 1 year nvq course( I'm not clever enough for university!) to cut a long story short I was too busy to keep chasing her. Given time to heal she realised she missed us and slowly slowly we rebuilt our relationship. Things have been great for about 6 years now. She lives 200 miles a way. The unsuitable man has been swopped for a less unsuitable man. She or I telephone every week, we shop arm in arm. She will often kiss my cheek and tell me how much she loves me in public. We have completely and absolutely forgiven each other. Unfortunately as i'v said her brothers still hold a massive grudge. And for that, I blame myself I had no control over the tragedy that unfolded in my family but I now see I could have controlled how I managed it. I can only hope this helps and gives you hope. I well remember the empty place at the Christmas table, the pain of not hearing from her on mothers, Father's Day and Christmas. Missing my first grandchild many tears were shed much pain was born but we held on tight and survived. Would I change anything YOU BET I WOULD.

Hello all, looks like everyone's on this thread now.
My nice D is flying to Indonesia, she's been up there in the skys for 22hrs, so maybe about to land, long trip. My nice D suggested anti-depressants (I'm dead against them!) or to take me to a hypnotist to try and get me to put my D and GC more to the back of my mind, as its been 10mnths now, and no sign of it ever ending. I've started taking 'St.john's Wort' which is a natural mood enhancer, 2 per day, think its taken the edge off a little, but the deep sadness is always there
What TV program was your son on Celebgran?

Hello all, I started the 'cut out of their lives' thread and you can find it now on cut out of their lives 2 - which is pretty amazing and a testament to all the grandparents out there going through sad and miserable times.

I have stepped back a bit because we are treading a very fine line just now and I dare not endanger that. Everything you say touches a chord and so many stories are similar - how can that be - why does it happen. It just does. BUT hang on in there, tread gently, and never close the door on your sons/daughters and one day, against all expectation, it will, it must come right for you. At any and every opportunity, bypass all the nastiness and just reiterate that you love and care.

You are good and nice people otherwise you wouldn't be here, and good things do come.