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renewing marriage vows

(66 Posts)
mrsmopp Mon 30-Sep-13 09:08:21

You will all think i am a grouchy old grump but whats the point in these ceremonies to renew vows made till death us do part? we have been invited to one and i love the couple but its a long way so it would mean 2 nights in a hotel too. Are we supposed to givr gifts too? It seems pointless when they are a
lready married. It wasnt long ago either, just a few years. I just dont get it. Vows made for life dont need renewing.
Never had all that in my day. Just celebrate the anniversaries !!

SJP Sat 05-Oct-13 20:20:04

We renewed are vows on our 25th and it was a lovely day. All our grandchildren were there and we went back to the church where we were married. It doesn't have to be showy just personal to you and your family. It was a great family celebration.

Penstemmon Sat 05-Oct-13 11:20:20

unless you are in China anyway it presumably costs to get there! You can get married in a Registry office here for under £100.

Ariadne Fri 04-Oct-13 21:25:50

Looking forward to gold in a couple of years' time (dv). Tiny wedding, in laws didn't come, everyone said it wouldn't last. Any vows we made still hold true. And we know how lucky we are.

susieb755 Fri 04-Oct-13 21:19:02

My brother and SIL renewed their vows at 25 years - he ran off with her cousin a few years later.....

my personal view is that it a bit showy, but am planning a party for our 25 years... I like silver smile

Judthepud2 Fri 04-Oct-13 12:02:07

For our 40th last year we didn't have a party or renewal of vows ceremony. We went to a small house in the Mourne mountains for a few days peace and quiet, surrounded by 4 beautiful bouquets of red roses from each of our 4 children. We remembered the Big Day and thought about all those who had been there but are no longer with us. And also about all those we had gained in the family since then: 4 wonderful children, their spouses and 5 amazing grandchildren. It was a lovely personal way to celebrate - and cost nothing! wink

tiggypiro Thu 03-Oct-13 22:47:11

For a cheap wedding go to China. Go to an office, sign a bit of paper, have a photo taken (no smiling allowed) and it's done. No guests and cost minimal.

A few weeks, months, years later when you can afford it have a party and receive wedding presents (red envelopes with money in).
Go to a wedding shop, hire a dirty well worn wedding dress (and Grooms outfit) to be worn over your jeans and trainers and have photos taken somewhere 'scenic'.

DD and SiL did the first bit and then 10 months later came here for a Renewal of Vows ceremony for everyone to enjoy. We are going to a similar do in Ireland just after Christmas.

MargaretX Thu 03-Oct-13 14:20:44

I agree as well with 'Flickety and Sels comments.
I sang in the church choir from age 15 -22 and had a front row view of many weddings all of them in white. I became convinced that these white dresses were something for the very young and as I got married in my late twenties I never considered it. It seemed childish to me and so we just dressed in something really smart, I had a dress, matching coat and a hat.
As my husband was German and alone in the Uk for the wedding he didn't want a bestman so we did without that as well! My friend was a witness.
It was a lovely wedding and a very happy day. I will not be celebrating it after 50 years because you can't repeat anything like that.
Anyhow that church is no longer a church and the vicar who so disapproved of my marriage (to a German) and who is on a photo with a grim expression on his face, would be surprised to realise that our union has out lived his precious church.

BAnanas Wed 02-Oct-13 17:48:27

I would echo Flickety and Sel's comments about white weddings, I'm appalled just how much some people choose to waste of this one day and personally I just hate hearing anyone wittering on about place settings,dresses, flowers and all that drivel. These days overblown stag/hen dos seem to be almost as important as the actual day. One of my sons went to a stag do recently, just overnight, but the cost of the hotel and activities were quite considerable and I know some expect a week-end of even a week abroad somewhere.

Both my weddings were quiet affairs. Have been happily married to husband number two for 24 years, in spite of older son being 27! can't envisage ever wanting to renew vows, seems kind of pointless to me, we haven't broken them YET! Hope neither of my boys want to get married in an ostentatious way, I'm afraid I wouldn't be prepared to waste any money on a wedding, they have been told our money would only go to help them with bricks and mortar.

j08 Wed 02-Oct-13 14:23:21

Not that will get you a telly these days.

j08 Wed 02-Oct-13 14:22:43

Well, there will be soon. Two hundred pounds is n' t it going to be?

Tegan Wed 02-Oct-13 14:19:20

I only got married in the first place because it gave us a tax rebate with which to buy our first colour telly. No such carrots these days.

gillybob Wed 02-Oct-13 14:02:25

My DIL's parents had a renewal of vows ceremony earlier this year. No expense spared (and I mean NO EXPENSE) it makes my blood boil me sad to think how much they spent on that one day when their own daughter and my son and their children struggle along trying to make ends meet.

thatbags Wed 02-Oct-13 13:52:28

To give you an idea of our kind of celebration, DD2 brought fizz when she was coming to meet nephew number two for the first time (he was six months old by then) and we drank the champagne with oven-baked ausages and shallots at home. It was lovely.

GS2 had a suck on the champagne cork wink. Later we dipped it in a petit filou as a spoon for him. He liked that.

thatbags Wed 02-Oct-13 13:47:20

I can't imagine that happening, jings. The daughter who has kids isn't married in the "official" sense, though she is in the "real" sense as far as she's concerned.

We are not a family that goes in for big showy stuff.

But just supposing a daughter of mine did (a) get married have a wedding and then (b) invited me to a renewal of vows party....

Sorry... I just can't imagine such a possibility ever occurring. I can't connect any of my daughters with that kind of event. It's not within the realms of any reality of which I have experience.

maxgran Wed 02-Oct-13 13:02:23

Surely you would only need to renew if the old ones had worn out? ;)
Do they wear out?

Personally - I wouldn't get married again or make vows again - unless they changed the promises to 'I will do my best' or ' I will try to' instead of promising things that you may for whatever reason, not be able to keep.

j08 Wed 02-Oct-13 12:38:44

Bags would you go if it was your daughter doing it? (just out of interest)

J52 Wed 02-Oct-13 12:31:32

Couldn't agree more with the comments about the expense of big white weddings. I had a simple wedding, nice touches( I hope) and a garden lunch reception at home. No huge expense. 39 years ago. Hoping to celebrate 40 yrs with something we want, hopefully a fun longish holiday. X

thatbags Wed 02-Oct-13 12:02:08

I can't imagine anyone I know inviting me to a marriage vows renewal ceremony and if anyone did I would simply refuse: either a simple no thanks, or a "regret I am unable to attend" sort of thing. Not my scene at all.

Tegan Tue 01-Oct-13 22:43:00

Well, I can't renew my marriage vows because we're not together any more and, if I did would I have to wear black as I did on my wedding day [?]. But I won't remarry either as I still feel inside that the vows I made that day were sincere and from the heart [he hasn't remarried either]. I think the money spent on weddings is obscene and I feel sorry for men who marry women who want them to start their married lives being thousands [even tens of thousands] of pounds in debt. Don't know how I'd feel if invited to a 'marriage vows renewal' ceremony. Think I'd just think 'darn it; got to buy an outfit that I'll never wear again'. And am now getting fantasies of Miss Havisham type occasions [time for bed, I think; mind playing tricks].

j08 Tue 01-Oct-13 22:02:38

I had a nice white wedding. It's lasted ok. 47 years in a couple of weeks' time.

gracesmum Tue 01-Oct-13 21:12:41

I agree totally about the inverse proportion of the importance of wedding/marriage. So many young people wait today so as to be able to "afford" a fancy wedding, and do not realise that it is the marriage that counts - not the wedding! I am still amazed that they will commit to a joint 25 year mortgage but not feel able to commit to a relationship which only makes 25 years with patience and a lot of luck!

vampirequeen Tue 01-Oct-13 20:50:32

My sister had a £25K wedding. No expense was spared. Two years later the marriage was over because he was an unfaithful liar and had been all along even before the wedding.

Sel Tue 01-Oct-13 20:13:48

Me too FlicketyB I prided myself on the fact my wedding outfit cost £12 in total. This was in 1975. An adapted BHS dress, floppy hat, bridesmaids the same. My youngest daughter now planning her wedding is so much a product of media hype it's painful. She does know my thoughts and we do laugh about it but it's sort of sad how we haven't moved on, we've actually gone into reverse on weddings. I asked her today if she was taking her husbands to be's name and she is. I do believe in marriage as a basis for the family so I can sort of understand but I do have a backwards feel at times confused

FlicketyB Tue 01-Oct-13 19:32:27

Personally, I would ban big white weddings. The commitment one is making is such that you should be able to think about it and walk out on it right to the last moment. Too many people particularly women get so tied up with the 'perfect' wedding, 'perfect' dress etc that they never really think about the commitment. They also get deeply into debt, and financial pressures are one of the main reasons leading to the breakdown of marriages.

I have noted in my experience an inverse relationship between the size and expense of the wedding and the length and happiness of the marriage.

And yes, I had a small quiet marriage ceremony with no long white dress or any other of the trimmings, not even a photographer.

Gagagran Tue 01-Oct-13 11:28:32

Well I rather wished we'd eloped jings! I found my wedding very stressful but that's a story for another day.