Gransnet forums


renewing marriage vows

(65 Posts)
mrsmopp Mon 30-Sep-13 09:08:21

You will all think i am a grouchy old grump but whats the point in these ceremonies to renew vows made till death us do part? we have been invited to one and i love the couple but its a long way so it would mean 2 nights in a hotel too. Are we supposed to givr gifts too? It seems pointless when they are a
lready married. It wasnt long ago either, just a few years. I just dont get it. Vows made for life dont need renewing.
Never had all that in my day. Just celebrate the anniversaries !!

vampirequeen Mon 30-Sep-13 09:13:11

I think they're lovely when it's a special anniversary such as 25 or 50. It's nice to say I still love you as much now as I did all those years ago.

j08 Mon 30-Sep-13 09:16:05


And ridiculous.

Once is quite enough. hmm

j08 Mon 30-Sep-13 09:16:43

mrsmopp DO NOT give gifts!

annsixty Mon 30-Sep-13 09:17:27

Surely you can say I love you without a ceremony and costly reception.

sunseeker Mon 30-Sep-13 09:23:44

On a significant anniversary, say 25 or 50 years, I think it is a lovely way to celebrate the marriage. If you don't agree then don't go.

Hunt Mon 30-Sep-13 09:32:55

We had such a lovely celebration when we reached our Golden wedding. Renewal of vows service in Brauston Church, grandsons did bible reading and prayers, grandaughter played Wedding at Trondheim on her flute, a buffet lunch in the village hall and a trip in 4 narrowboats (decked overall with golden wedding balloons) along the Southern Oxford canal and cake and sparkling on the towpath. 60th in 2 years time!

felice Mon 30-Sep-13 10:32:49

SIL announced to DD that he wants to renew their vows next year, 2nd anniversary, we think he is barking.!! It was a large bi-lingual service and I think our Minister would freak if asked to do it all again, he is a good friend and DD says she would need a stiff drink before she asked him, and anyway 2 years is a tad early i think, we are just ignoring him and hoping he gets over it.

j08 Mon 30-Sep-13 10:34:38

If we did it now, the vows would be a bit different.

JessM Mon 30-Sep-13 10:35:23

Yes felice OTT. Just have a party? Or a weekend away together? hmm

kittylester Mon 30-Sep-13 10:36:50

Have a celebration (a thanksgiving) by all means but why do you need to renew your vows either you meant it first time or not.

A friend and her husband renewed their vows on a cruise with their best friends doing the same. Turned out her husband and her best friend were having an affair. [baffled] emoticon!

ginny Mon 30-Sep-13 11:15:28

I agree with mrsmopp I don't see the point of this. When you make the vows at your wedding you are making them for life. If you have been faithfull to them ,I don't see why you would need to renew them. Just show and tell each other every day and go and have a celebration either on your own or with close friends or family.

vampirequeen Mon 30-Sep-13 11:23:45

My aunt and uncle renewed their vows on their 50th wedding anniversary. They'd had a shotgun wedding when she was 16 and he was 17. Most people gave them no chance of a happy marriage. They'd taken their initial vows when they'd had no choice but this time it was from choice.

It was a lovely service for close friends and relatives followed by a small party. They would have had the party anyway so the service was the icing on the cake.

mrsmopp Mon 30-Sep-13 11:27:46

Celebrating anniversaries makes more sense to me.

harrigran Mon 30-Sep-13 11:55:03

No I would not be renewing vows, I was married 46 years ago in church and as far as I am concerned it is for life. I wonder if some feel they didn't have the wedding they wanted and want to relive the day.

gracesmum Mon 30-Sep-13 11:59:59

I'm with MrsMopp and others - it "sounds" a lovely romantic thing to do but why? I think Harrigran has hit the nail on the head - reliving the day (without the stress!) As for the expense of being a guest - I just wouldn't do that. Send a card, maybe flowers if you feel appropriate but this is going too far.
I can see exceptions, e.g. Vampirequeen's aunt and uncle, but it is a private decision and a diplomatic previous engagement might be the solution.

hespian Mon 30-Sep-13 12:23:06

I also fail to see the point of renewing your marriage vows, unless of course you have broken them. My vows still mean what they did the day I made them! By all means have a party and celebrate a big anniversary, inviting family and friends who may want to celebrate with you.

Maybe I'm just becoming a grumpy old woman but I also fail to see the point of "naming ceremonies" for babies!

FlicketyB Mon 30-Sep-13 15:56:16

When so many marriages break up I can understand a couple wanting to celebrate that their marriage as lasted over 25 years and that they still think they made the right decision.

Having said that, I made vows 'until death do us part' and as far as I am concerned that says all that needs to be said and I feel no need to repeat it.

ninathenana Mon 30-Sep-13 16:07:13

A friend and her hubby renewed their vows for their 10th anniversary it was a quiet affair, just 20 guests. My friend wore the type of outfit she would have chosen had she been a guest. There were no bridesmaids or flowers. She then had a buffet in her garden. Not something I would do but it was a lovely day.

On the other hand her daughter went to her friends 'renewal' yesterday. They had the whole caboodle all £10,000 worth !!! why ???

vampirequeen Mon 30-Sep-13 16:15:37

I think it is sometimes having the 'do' that they didn't have the first time. For some it's the event rather than the meaning behind the event that's important.

thatbags Mon 30-Sep-13 16:47:08

Is there more than one way to interpret 'death' in till death us...?
Such as death of the marriage.

Is a vow the same as a promise? Can promises be broken in certain circumstances?

Are registry office vows/promises the same as church ones? Are all church ones the same regardless of denomination or religion?

Nelliemoser Mon 30-Sep-13 17:12:08

nina More money than sense?
that bags With the benefits of hindsight and experience sticking to such vows can be stupidity. Mutter mutter grump grump! I am having a bad day or 365.

merlotgran Mon 30-Sep-13 17:18:52

I think they're embarrassing. What all about the rows, broken promises, sulks and thoughtless acts that are part and parcel of most successful marriages. Do they get celebrated as well?

I'm with jingle.....Yucky.

Oldgreymare Mon 30-Sep-13 18:13:34

Me too Jingle.... must have my bumps read as my Gran used to say, that's TWICE I've agreed with you in one day smile
Usually when celebs renew their vows its because one or the other has 'strayed' hrmph!
Bad day for me too Nellie

kittylester Mon 30-Sep-13 18:19:32

We don't have time to contemplate organising such a thing - which in my eyes is a validation of a set of vows made nearly 43 years ago. We had a big family 'do' when we had been married 40 years and will, no doubt, have another when/if we reach 50.

Unless one is particularly religious then it strikes me as self indulgent when, at least in our case, we have births, birthdays, weddings enough to celebrate without looking for another occasion! We will celebrate our 43 years, good and bad, together, on our own.