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Car/friends, the latest! (Cross warning!)

(70 Posts)
Anne58 Tue 01-Oct-13 18:36:16

Evening all,

Phoned the friends (B&J) yesterday, as I still haven't been given any idea as to when I can expect to get the money. No reply, so I left a somewhat "brief" message on their machine.

Just had a call from him, which is unusual as it's normally J who rings me, I expect she was busy hmm They are still waiting for the cheque. Mentioned that I had been given the impression that once the insurers received the go ahead, there would be a cheque in the post the next day. Errm, no, the paperwork was sent out the next day, which B & J dealt with and then took into the local branch. From where it was sent to Bristol (WHY, FFS?). Bristol have confirmed receipt. (Oh whoopy bloody doo!)

So, B & J STILL haven't received the cheque, which means of course that they haven't banked it, it hasn't cleared, therefore they cannot transfer to me, etc etc.

Biting my tongue, I asked B if the car was still there. No. Asked him if he had managed to take the radio/Cd player out. Stunned silence. I had asked J on at least 4 occasions to take it out. At one point she said that B had tried but couldn't do it, but was going to ask their SIL to help. B's reaction indicated that he knew nothing about my request, so yet more lies from J.

I then asked if they had removed the rear number plate as I wanted to photograph it for the listing when I sell it. No. Again this is something that I asked J to do. (The plate valuation was surprisingly high, although I do appreciate that it is only worth what someone will actually pay, however my mechanic and I ran it through various sites together last week, and it's about 3 mortgage payments! shock )

I am so very upset at all the lies, there is no need for it, I am a reasonable person, I appreciate that what happened to the car can't be undone, but lying to me is just adding insult to injury.


Sorry for long rant, thanks for reading.

Elegran Wed 02-Oct-13 13:16:33

That could be a good thing, Phoenix. You have been very forbearing, probably too much so. A glimpse of how angry you are inside might not go amiss.

kittylester Wed 02-Oct-13 13:28:01

Agree Elegran. Being too polite doesn't always work!

Anne58 Wed 02-Oct-13 13:30:58

Problem is that I don't want upset B, he really hasn't been the same since his stroke, feels he is useless etc. J I could cheerfully throttle!

Elegran Wed 02-Oct-13 13:49:42

Say that to J. Then tell her what you think of her for treating you like this. She is taking advantage of you not wanting to upset B. Emphasise that it is not the accident that bothers you, it is everything since.

janeainsworth Wed 02-Oct-13 13:54:38

I would deviate sliughtly from your advice Elegran, rather than phoenix telling J what she thinks of her(which would make J defensive/aggressive), she should tell J exactly how J has made her feel (I'm sure you can think of at least 20 adjectives, P) which just might make J feel guilty and remorseful enough to do something.

Elegran Wed 02-Oct-13 14:14:17

Much better, Jane

janeainsworth Wed 02-Oct-13 14:34:13


kittylester Wed 02-Oct-13 14:36:14

Good advice - do you need help with the adjectives phoenix [innocent] emoticon grin

Anne58 Wed 02-Oct-13 14:37:15

Good idea, but may have to wait until I can trust myself NOT to lose it completely!

janthea Wed 02-Oct-13 14:48:47

I think you have been amazingly patient with these people. Are you sure you can trust them to transfer the plate back to you. They may just sell and pocket the money.

I would not want anything to do with them once everything is sorted out. They are definitely NOT friends.

annodomini Wed 02-Oct-13 15:32:51

'More in sorrow than in anger', phoenix? You might take the line of 'how disappointed I am that you've taken advantage of my friendship...'

petallus Wed 02-Oct-13 16:08:28

I can't believe how patient you have been phoenix and how you have repeatedly given your friends the benefit of the doubt, in spite of evidence that they have lied.

Perhaps you are hoping to be able to keep the friendship going in spite of it all which must mean you get enough out of it to make it worthwhile putting up with the hassle, in which case good luck, it's up to you.

petallus Wed 02-Oct-13 16:09:37

There have been a couple of occasions at least when I have forgiven a friend for something huge because I valued the friendship enough to want to keep it. smile

Granart Wed 02-Oct-13 16:39:11

I am fairly new to the forum but I have been following your story. I am astonished at the way you have been treated and I would not be able to think of these people as friends. To my mind friends would be considerate and understanding which seems not to be the case here.

Penstemmon Wed 02-Oct-13 16:47:19

Oh Dear! It reminds me of a story a lay preacher used to tell the kids in assembly at school. It was about telling a lie and how the lie got worse the longer you left it and made you tell more lies. As he told the story he tied himself up in a long piece of rope until he was not able to move any more. He then told the truth & because of the way he had wound the rope round himself he was able to let go of one piece and it just fell off!

phoenix J needs to just tell the truth, apologise profusely for making a bad situation worse and at least buy you a bunch of flowers! it won't change the bottomline but you will feel respected a bit more!

JessM Wed 02-Oct-13 17:03:51

I agree - get that list of adjectives written down, disappointed, upset etc and also "I am really skint and I need the money immediately please" Don't accuse and blame, just stick to how you feel and what you need.

Anne58 Wed 02-Oct-13 18:02:41

Thank you all.

Well, she has just phoned, all bright and breezy and telling even more lies!

The radio? Well, B, couldn't get it out, the SIL had a go, they even asked the mechanic in the village, but no-one could get it out. Odd that, seeing as Mr P and I took it out of my previous car to put in the Suzuki. We must just be exceptionally talented in that way, perhaps we should consider a change of career. Plus when B phoned me last night and I asked if they had taken the radio out, he said "radio?" in a puzzled sort of way. hmm

The insurers? Well, they rang them, were passed from pillar to post, you know the way these things are, eventually spoke to someone who said it was all in hand and being processed. Strange, only last week J was telling me how good they are, you always get to deal with the same person......

The plate? Last night B told me that they had the documents confirming that it was now on a retention certificate. Well, actually no, they have had the documents to sign, had to send them off with a cheque, you know how long these things take..........

Of course, if it hadn't been a private plate it would all have been done so much quicker, and aren't we lucky that they insured it fully comp?

There is one hell of a lot that I would like to say to her, but I will have to wait until I get the money................

sara4 Wed 02-Oct-13 19:01:32

I have missed the beginning of this, where is it please?.

gracesmum Wed 02-Oct-13 22:24:04

[speechless]emoticon angry

Anne58 Wed 02-Oct-13 22:25:22

sara4 not sure if this will work,

Doesn't tell the pre-history (i.e. the bits about what I did to tey to help when my friend first had the stroke) but should give you a bit of an idea.

Anne58 Wed 02-Oct-13 22:26:30

Bum, doesn't look like it worked!

It was in the AIBU section, "doing people a favour"

Anne58 Wed 02-Oct-13 22:27:51

Try this one.

gracesmum Wed 02-Oct-13 23:29:03

I imagine you have got a note of all the lies and unfulfilled promises somewhere phoenix, if not could I suggest you prepare a list and at some point sit down with them and just go through their inconsistencies and how they have let you down. Worst case scenario, you say you will put it in the hands of a solicitor if they do not give you the current value of the vehicle, return the number plate, return the (removable - as you out it in) radio and anything else which has left you out of pocket. You have been more than fair and- frankly if this puts them in a difficult position well, so be it - it is nothing compared to the expense and inconvenience to which you have been put. I wonder if there is any sort of independent arbitration available at CAB? They have to realise that you are not a bottomless pit of funds for them The friendship has long since gone by the board, now you need to be businesslike.

Anne58 Thu 03-Oct-13 01:02:42


Greatnan Thu 03-Oct-13 06:55:50

Is it possible for Mr. P to have a word with the husband, Phoenix? Some men take more notice of another man.