What would YOU do?

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My sister has not spoken to me or my family in three years. It was all over some misundersanding and she took it the wrong way. She went completely overboard lashing out at us, dragging up things from when we were children (I was the favourite!! Not true). She dragged her sons into it. It was a truly horrible time. My sister is never wrong!! It's everyone else's fault - not hers.

I hate it. In fact DD1 and I were wondering whether to write a letter to get things of our chest and see where it takes us. If we sent an email, she would fire off yet another offensive email in reply. If it's a real letter, she might actually think about what she is saying.

But surely if, someone is spoiling for a fight, helping to fuel it is playing into their hands so they can then put the blame on you? [that's my way of thinking, especially after losing contact with my grandchildren after one unguarded outburst; and I never want to go through that again ].

Me too.Tell it like it is.We have a family saying invented by DD1 when constant squabbles went on between the 4 siblings : Never not friends for long. It works.

I agree with maxgran. Bugger eggshells!

Aka,
I would never WANT to fall out with my daughter but if she insisted on being ridiculous and claimed I said something or implied something that I did not, then I would not be 'treading carefully'
We do actually have lots of arguments and tiffs but we never carry them on and we do both speak our minds. I KNOW if I have been unfair and when I calm down I apologise and I expect the same from my DD

I suppose everyone is different but I just could not allow my own DD or DS to disrespect me like that.

I got fed up of treading on eggshells around my DD too. I decided to just cut her out of my personal space. I never asked her how she was doing, never discussed what the GC had been doing when I dropped them off at night, treated her politely but distantly. I never acknowledged any unkind remark she made, never entered into discussion with her, never talked about my life or enquired about hers. This was three years ago. You could say I ended my relationship with her Maxgran.
But it did work. Eventually she caught on and started making approaches to rebuild the relationship. I've not made it easy for her as she had lost my trust, but gradually since then we have an improving 'adult' relationship.

I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who is so totally out of order.
If you tread on eggshells - you find that you spend forever having to do just that.
I find people people treat you the way you allow them to treat you so I wouldn't be tiptoeing around them when they think my feelings are worthless!

I think that approach would cause a total breakdown in the relationship, especially when someone is trying to find fault where it doesn't exist. Treading on eggshells time at the moment, methinks .

Are they all mad? I would demand to know why they were making things up and tell them in no uncertain terms to grow up!
I don't know why you are upset - I would be angry!

I agree that it sounds as though your DD and SIL are having problems themselves. I can see the attraction for some people of Facebook etc. I have taken myself off it after seeing stuff that upset me. Rather than getting upset I just deleted my account, not worth it. Texting and emails (although I do them both) can lead to people getting the wrong end of the stick. It has happened to me several times. Oh for lovely long face to face conversations (which I do have obviously, but really only with folks of my own generation).

Computers and mobile 'phones must be the biggest cause of relationship breakdowns. This must be very upsetting for you. I agree with Deedaa try and take a step back and allow things to cool. My daughter has a habit of sending quite evil texts when she doesn't agree with what someone has done. Now we just let her cool down and she usually acts as though nothing has happened. But it is very difficult.

Before my daughter cut me off completely, she berated me for innocently asking her son how his job search was going. Apparently, if you do that you are bullying them and destroying their self confidence. I love him dearly and had taken him for many interviews as he doesn't drive and I had shared his disappointment when he failed to get a job. Perhaps your totally reasonable enquiry to your grand-daughter was viewed in the same way.
The fact that your daughter has not found out exactly what has happened does suggest that there are tensions between her and her husband, which are probably nothing to do with you at all.

phoenix seconded here re facebook,when ever things are not going a certain way people stamp their feet and press the unfriend button instead of dealing with the problem face on.
It sounds like your SIL has the wrong end of the stick ladyblue and I would also advise to step back a bit and let them sort out what seems to be a problem they may be having between themselves,can DGD not through any light on why her father told you that you where being unkind ? take care .

I agree with Deedaa. I think your DD and SiL are having problems of some kind, possibly ones they do not want to admit to, even to themselves, so it is easier to blame any tensions in the family on a total misinterpretation of anything anybody else says, however innocent.

I think your approach is absolutely right, step back, be friendly, but wary - and if you can talk it over with another member of the family, particularly any other children you may have. they frequently have insights into a sibling's life that parents do not have.

The curse of Facebook strikes again!

Sometimes all these strange email centred problems seem to morph into one.

It sound's as if it's them having the problem - but what the problem is is anyone's guess. I think it probably is time to step back for a while and just see how things are going. Do you have other children you can talk to? They might have an idea of where this is really going?