I'm not sure that I can add anything useful but my first thought is that concentrating on the things that really matter first might be the way to go. Less important, although no doubt still difficult concerns, can wait.
How confused must your DGD must be. Coming from a chaotic dysfunctional home. Moving to another country and going through puberty. Triple whammy for all concerned. I come from what would now be called 'dysfunctional' family. My so called Mother and Father were both Alcoholics. Please be patient and give her lots of love. It will take time but, hopefully it will be worth it.
Talk to her in a regular sit around the table fashion. Set out your boundaries and ask for her response. Set out some small achievable goals. Tell her you love her, will never abandon her no matter what but life can be either easy/pleasant/rewarding or otherwise and together is the only way to go.
I take it this is the same problem which has appeared firther up also under the AIBU title? Might be an idea to get GNHQ to amalgamate the threads as I have seen some excellent advice on the other thread and it is confusing to have 2 identical threads started by the same perosn!
A previous poster was in a very similar situation and used to post a lot about her life with her granddaughter. She has left now, but the posts may still be around. Can anyone give a link to them?
And grannyactivist is "Mum" to a couple of boys who had bad experiences in war, and could probably give you valuable advice and support. I don't know she has the time to do all that she does for her extended family, both birth family and adopted.
You are very brave to take this on - but I don't imagine you thought too long before making up your mind. Family is family.
You will get lots of support on here. Keep posting.
What a task you have taken on! I commend you for that. I am not able to help really, especially as I have no knowledge of services in France - but maybe someone on here will be able to help - I do hope so.
My husband and I became special guardians to our then nearly 14yr old grandaughter last November - she now lives with us in France, attends Collège and loves living with us; However, coming from a choatic background, she has no understanding of "normal" behaviour in and around the home, how to organise her life and all the attendant behavioural problems associated with coming from a dysfunctional background; I am extremely stressed and worry that my helath is starting to suffer. I would welcome chatting with other granparents in similar circumstances