What am I doing wrong?

Lots of people are more thoughtless these days and take everything for granted.
I have a problem with people who do not return hospitality. They come and stay, get fed, wined and dined and taken out but dont ask us back. They thank us and say they are looking forward to seeing us again but never invite us to theirs.
I am getting that i dont want them to come anymore.
I am not a hotel!

But hasn't Soutra said that all but one had actually contacted her with written (emailed) thanks by lunchtime the following day? And I assume they had thanked her too after the meal itself? I don't really think they were rude and bad mannered at all, and I'm sure they did appreciate the effort that Soutra went to.

I have a friend who regularly organises amazing get-togethers and always adds her own little touches to any event - personalised gifts, etc. We love her to bits and always make sure she knows how much we appreciate the work she puts in. If it wasn't for people like her we would probably all lose touch.

In my working life I arranged celebration meals and Christmas dinner dances over the years, it's a thankless task and you cannot please everyone.

Some people are very grateful and others complain about how loud the band is even if you have arranged for quiet rooms to be available.

It's quite a job organizing events especially for high numbers and most people don't realize just what actually goes into it.

In your case these people are rude and bad mannered and it can be upsetting but you have to just let it go over your head. It wouldn't surprise me if the majority did enjoy the meal but just didn't think to say they had, some people just don't think.

kitty your suggestion that one of them might be on GN did make me think!!! I have had a moan about one of the group before now! I am trying to remember what I said Oo-er!

You aren't doing anything wrong Soutra. This time of year is so busy, emotions somehow get higher than at any other time of the year. If you enjoy your book group, I'd try and let this go if you can. It amazes me that so many of us are thoughtless about acknowledging when others have made efforts as you have. Still, I'm often amazed by casual ill manners - am I getting old!?

It does take a lot of work to organise these things and one does like to be thanked. If I go out with a friend and she has already booked theatre tickets or reserved a table for lunch I always make a point of thanking her. It just seems the natural thing to do.

Cynically, one might imagine that they are worried that they may have to do it next year!

Or, worse, one of them is on GN, read the thread and got a guilty conscience.

Yep!! They are all forgiven now - the last (very charming) "Thank you" came through 20 minutes ago. O me of little faith

Glad they behaved in the end Soutra

Hope it's not like my conservatory, at the moment that's full of all the glasses crockery etc that are being stored there until I can find a carpet fitter! (CBA to put them all back and then empty them all in a few weeks time)

I am so glad I'm not in a minority of one then!!
Actually I have forgiven them now - it took till just a few minutes ago to get a thank you email from all bar one who I know perhaps isn't the best at emailing - we have had communication problems with her before when trying to arrange dates for meetings.
Just as well, as I was on the point of kicking the book group into touch (to answer your question, petra) which would have been a shame as I enjoy meeting and discussing our choice of books but I felt so miserable and somewhat rejected after the little gift of biscuits ! (stupid,really) but when you put yourself out for people and add a little gesture, it can be hard when it seems to have been ignored.
So the season of goodwill gets a second chance. Thank you for all the it's like a conservatory in here now!!

I think it was ever thus!

I wouldn't leave the group but in plenty of time next year I would ask whose turn it is to do it. Then if you manage to get someone to do it you can ask all the others to contribute £1 towards a gift for the organiser because you understand how much is involved. You can make a little thank you speech and suggest that they nominate the person to do it next year straight away!

A thank you doesn't hurt anyone and costs peanuts if anything at all. I always send an email after an event or a card if a person isn't online. I even text my son's partner if I pop in to see her if I've not seen her for a while as she always makes me welcome and my daughter too if we've had a nice time out together that she's arranged. Good manners were dinned into me and I must say they've paid off during my life.

Anno That's the way to do it - jump in quick to be the one who pours effusive thanks on the organiser, get brownie points from everyone, particularly the one who did all the hard work and the payoff next year when the organiser, basking in appreciation, agrees to do it again. (and you don't have to lift a finger)

Soutra Such bad manners all around if you ask me and I would make sure that they knew how I felt I bet they would be the first to moan if something is not organised next year though.
I have just finished putting together the final list for our Christmas meal here on our small supported housing development for the past 4 years I have invited all the redisents to a celebratory lunch at a local pub and most of them partake and enjoy meeting up,some of them never see each other as they may be housebound but they have always thanked me for my time & effort which I must say is not too time consuming really the only difficulty is making sure they are all ready on time.
for you Soutra you deserve them.

Definitely bad manners. I'm afraid I wouldn't be willing to do it again. They don't deserve you. I would have been thrilled with the biscuits too, how thoughtful.

What an ungrateful bunch they are, Soutra. They don't deserve you. Just leave it to someone else next time - if there is an next time. Our NWR has an annual Christmas dinner. The first year I was local organiser, I stood up at the end of the meal and thanked the member who had arranged the meal. Everyone looked a bit surprised and nobody has done it since which is a pity. of course, I thanked the member who organised the meal this week. It involves quite a lot of coordinating. I should know - I did it last year.

Nothing you are doing wrong . It is really bad if they didn't at least thank you after the meal. Sadly, there are many people who enjoy going to events but never arrange them and don't realise the time and effort that goes into them. Let someone else do it next time.

. This is what you should have received from them Soutra. They are the ones in the wrong, not you.

From bitter experience there are those that organise and those that partake. Sadly those that partake are ungrateful to the organisers. Learn a lesson here, sadly.
P.S. Sounds like you went to a lot of trouble I'd have taken you out for lunch (flowers)

PS Your OP asked 'What am I doing wrong?' Soutra YOU are not doing anything wrong.

So are you going to continue with the Book Club, Soutra. I know what I would do.

I rarely send texts or emails after an event as I prefer to say 'thank you' there and then. I'm shocked if no one said that. As it was only yesterday it would be nice to hope you'll recieve more 'thank yous' today

Total bad manners. A few years ago a friend and I decided we would do a Christmas lunch for the members of a group we belonged to (there were 10 people in the group). We suggested it to the group and they were all enthusiastic and gave us dates they could come. So we sent out invitations and received replies saying all could attend. On the day we prepared and cooked the lunch (well my friend cooked - I can burn water!). I decorated the room and table and everything looked lovely - we even had carols playing softly in the background. My friend and I had also paid for everything. Only 2 people turned up! No phone calls to say people weren't coming, no calls or emails later with excuses - nothing.

A few days later my friend and I got together to discuss what had happened and realised that whenever anything was organised by the group it was us that did the organising, often it was us who came up with the ideas. Shortly after we both left the group and when I met one of the members a year later she told me that the group wasn't very good now as they didn't do anything and that most people had now left.

Soutra, there's no excuse for bad manners, and if I were you I wouldn't be organising that, or anything else, for them again.

It costs nothing to say thanks and there seems to be a sense of entitlement these days, that really ticks me off!